NC-17 Soup

Happy Thursday, everyone! I usually don't go for the dirty jokes in my otherwise family-friendly blog, but this was too funny not to pass along. It's in a display in the window of a Mexican grocery near my office. Mmm, spicy!

My Intuition

First, I don't believe in ESP, fortune tellers, astral planes, auras or your qi. Sorry new-agey friends, but I don't. I do however believe strongly in intuition, because IMO there's nothing mystical about it. My theories on that will have to wait for another post. As far as intuition goes, I have one really excellent, if rarely used "gift" which I mentioned in a previous post. On very rare occasions (considering the vast number of people I've met), I meet someone and instantly know that we'll be great friends or, conversely, immediately understand that no matter what, we won't. I know what you're thinking: self-fulfilling prophecy. However, when it's negative, no matter how hard I try, I can't come around to liking the person. Example: I met a friend of a friend - a few years older than me, married, no kids (same as us at the time) -someone my friend enjoyed. Later, I told the husband "I just don't like her". Couldn't say why, and realizing how unfair that sounded, I vowed to give her another chance. I chatted with her, pointed out her good qualities to the Husband, found more things in common. But she grated on me - the more I got to know her, the less I liked about her, things I could clearly articulate; the husband agreed. Off the top of my head, I can name 3 people I've had this scenario with, starting in grade school. Something about your body language or your word choice or whatever tells me we aren't going to be friends, and no matter what, we aren't. Happily, it works the other way just as accurately. At a previous job, I'd befriended a male coworker and as the company Christmas party approached, I dreaded and looked forward to meeting his wife. She sounded great when he talked about her, but I have a hard time making girlfriends and more than once, I've realized that some women think I want their men. Trust me, I don't. Immediately after meeting her, I turned to the Husband and said "I'm going to like her". All we'd said was "Nice to meet you", but I just knew - we'd be friends. We still are - in different states, but still in touch. Hi Rianne!! Others: PW - not just the bright spot in a string of dim temps/receptionists. I asked the woman in charge to keep her - not only could I tell we'd be friends, but she was shockingly competent. Dodged a bullet there, eh, PW? Remember the first time we had lunch? We went to the deli on 9th that's closed now. My coworker Tim - one of the people who interviewed me. The person who would be my boss was slightly intimidating. Tim looked me right in the eye and shook my hand and I thought "yup, here's one I like". He's proved to be a valuable font of wisdom, a hilarious cohort and a good friend to our whole family. College friend Mark - Lost touch with him since, but liked him from the first time he sat in front of me in a class turned around and said something like "Think this one will be stupid?" I can't say I liked M right away organically because at the time I was the only girl in my 3-5th grade Sunday School class and when I heard that the new organist was bringing a daughter my age, I swore then and there we'd be friends. And proceeded to scare the bejeeebers out of her being so desperate and pushy. Someday when I have more time, I'll tell you the whole story of Horrible Monica, the mean girl I knew right away was going to be trouble.

An Odd Way to Start the Day

Fired up the lappy this morning and, as always checked all of my email accounts. One of them had an email with a "from" name of my best friend, M. Subject line was "hi". I didn't stop to think that it was odd she'd used one of my "spam" accounts, the ones I use to sign up for newsletters and post on websites. It was early, yet, and I wasn't quite awake, you know? So I open the email from my best friend and it says: "I think ur hot. IM me now! Lets make out" Fortunately, a second later I saw the IM name clearly belonged to an IM spammer/scammer, and I figured out that M was not hitting on me. But it sure woke me up!

More "Um, What??"

Our ladies' room here is a treasure trove of moronic conversations. I've been noting some of the better ones when I hear them - here's a few more to brighten your Tuesday. In all of these, please remember I am just an innocent by-listener. In Need of a Calculator and a Calendar A: "It's a two-day seminar, so, uh, will we be there two days? or just one?" B: "I guess two if it's a two-day seminar." A: "But I mean, is it two days over one whole day or two actual days?" B: "We should ask." It's Getting Dumb in Here A: I came downstairs to use your bathroom because ours is freezing. B: It's that cold? A: Oh yeah, it so cold, it's like, it's freezing. B: That's awful. I wonder why it's so cold upstairs. A: Because, you know, it's upstairs and the cold air goes up or something. They have the air turned way up. B: Oh right, that's why it's warmer down here. Note: the persons in the following conversation work in the company here which hires nurses. Good For You A: Whoo! That green tea stuff is really a makes-you-go-pee. (sic) B: Yeah. I told you it's good for you. A: Well, I really peed. B: Good.

No "E" in Jami

Really, is this such a hard concept? J-A-M-I. Yes, I know, it's not the most common spelling, but since I've also seen "Jayme", "Jamee", "Jamy", and "J'me" (really!) I don't think it should be that hard to get "Jami". No, it's not short for anything. (Why do people keep asking me that? Is it usually short for something for a girl?? Jamilla??) No, I wasn't named for my dad James (my dad is not named James). Last week, ordering something from a catalog I actually had this conversation with the Foreign Customer Service Person: FCSP: Your first name, please, ma'am Jami: Jami - J-a-m-i FCSP: J as in John, A as in Apple, M as in Mike, I as in India . . . and, uh, no E? Jami: yes, that's correct. FCSP: Just J-a-m-i? Jami: yes. FCSP: Isn't is supposed to be J-a-m-i-e? It should have an E? Jami: (getting annoyed) I don't know if it's "supposed to" have an E, but it doesn't. FCSP: so just J-a-m-i? Jami: Yes. FCSP: and no E? Jami: YES, J-A-M-I. FCSP: (sounding skeptical) Well, okay Seriously, in a world where some people have made up names with hyphens and apostrophes in them, "Jami" keeps messing people up? Sigh.

A Few Good Hugs

Hugging is a skill, or maybe an art. Let's face it, we all know someone who just hugs "wrong". We've all had that awkward hug where one person was going for the hug and the other really wasn't (I've been on both sides of this, it's unpleasant either way.) I'm a hugger, but only for people I'm already friends with. I don't do the just met you hug, and it's going to be awhile after we meet (generally) before I want to hug you, but once we're friends, I'm all about a good hug now and then. I'm a fan of the one-arm side hug, especially. On Monday, the day we all really need a hug, here are a list of some great huggers in my life: 1. My nephew Adam - Adam gives fantastic hugs. I've never seen him turn down someone asking for a hug, and he really throws himself into it. He's strong for a little kid (4-years-old) and he really grabs on, but not in a needy or clingy way. I'm not putting down my other nephew or niece, who both are darling and cuddly, but they just don't have the mad hugging skillz of Adam. 2. My sister-in-law Bev - Yes, I know the first two are in my family, but let's face it, I hug family more than other people. Probably because of Bev's awesome compassion and sensitivity to others, she knows just how long to hug you. It's never too short or too long- her innate hugging timer makes each one just right. Also, when she hugs you, you can tell she means it. It's not a duty, she really wants to give you a hug. I look forward to seeing her because I know I'm going to get a great hug. 3. PW - I was surprised the first time I hung out with PW that she hugged me when we were leaving. I totally dug it, but I wouldn't have gone for the hug, afraid she'd've thought it was too soon. PW is one of the people I liked right away (a future blog topic) and I knew we'd be friends, clearly she picked up on the same vibe. BTW - her hubby is also a good hugger, and one of the few people who hugged me almost right away but I didn't mind. They're just huggy folks, and they should be - they clearly have the talent. 4. Jeanette - Jeanette is one of my former Sunday School students who has now aged-out of my class. She's fairly scrawny, but muscular, which might not give you the initial impression that she'd be fun to hug, but I gotta tell you, she's a total doll and cuddly to boot. She's so adorable, ya just gotta hug her. I don't know if being the baby of the family meant she got extra hugging practice, but she's a champion hugger. So that's my list for Monday. I recommend hugging these people if you see them, although if you're a stranger, PW might pepper-spray you if you try, so please introduce yourself first. Happy Monday!

More Good News

Congratulations to Anne and Rob who have a brand-new beautiful daughter, Lia, born Thursday. Anne sent around pictures and all three of them look happy and healthy. This has really be the Year of Babies, it seems, and that's better than some of the other themed years we've had. Welcome to the world, Lia; may God richly bless you your whole life through.

Almost Almost Famous

Fridays are the best days to daydream, aren't they? Especially when you're all alone in the office with no deadlines pressing, no projects due. That's right, I'm totally unsupervised, which makes it the right time for: How I Become Famous a friday daydream by jami I've always known I was meant to be famous, I'm just made for it. One day, I'll be somewhere with my friends, somewhere that people laugh a lot: an amusement park, a bar, Dave & Busters. I'll be regaling the group with one of my trademark stories, commanding the attention of all around. Everyone will be so rapt by my story we won't notice the stranger who inches closer, watching me with a thoughtful expression. Later, when we're all in smaller groups, twos and threes, chatting, he'll approach me, and - It's Joss Whedon! He's surprised that I recognize him, and he explains that I'm perfect for a part the movie he's about to film in Pittsburgh. It's not the lead - it's the best friend. You know, the Rob Reiner in Sleepless in Seattle, the Tom Arnold in True Lies. Well, how could I pass that up? I take the rest of my vacation from work and report to Costumes and Make-up as scheduled. Now, having been an extra already (in a movie so bad I won't even name it here). I know that the work isn't glamorous. It's boring and repetitive, but I get to meet a few big names, uh, let's say Sandra Bullock (she seems like she'd be nice) and William Shatner (because he's William Shatner). I have a good time, get a nice pile of cash (and my SAG card), and have a new good story to tell. I'm happy. Of course, my performance is so fun and nuanced that I get tons of offers. I take a few here and there. I don't want to be the Next Big Thing, just work now and then on stuff I like. I do a few more, enough that I can make a stipulation that if you want me, you gotta pay for the Husband and Eddie to come with. I'm one of those actors that people see on the street and say "Aren't you . . .uh . . ..somebody?" Most days I just say "Nope." but when in need of a Famous Moment I say "Why yes, I was in . . ." sign a few autographs and have my picture taken with people. That's it, that's all I want. Don't need any Oscars or Emmys or People's Choice Awards (though I'd certainly accept them graciously). Don't want to be big enough to be tabloid fodder or the subject of "Before They Were Famous" documentaries. Just a few parts in a few movies or TV shows. Maybe be invited onto Conan once. Permanent (sort-of) proof that I existed. Happy Friday everyone, have a great weekend.

Friday Feast

Feast One Hundred & Eight Appetizer If you could have a free subscription to any magazine, which one would you like to have? I've always enjoyed the Reader's Digest, it's one of the few magazines I can generally enjoy start to finish. Soup - Describe your living room (furnishings, colors, etc.). I have "pottery" colored carpet (kind of a bronze-coppery-red/brown), two burgandy leather recliners, a very long green couch, an entertainment center which houses the TV, TiVo, DVD player, surround sound system, VCR and PS2. There is a bookcase full of books and a bookcase filled with DVDs. The entire floor is covered with toys. We have two Star Wars photomosiacs, a Marvel Comic poster with most of their heroes and some artwork that the Husband bought on the cruise. There's a stack of pictures waiting to be hung. The curtains are green. Salad - What does the shape of a circle make you think of? You know, for the kids. Main Course - Name 3 things in your life that you consider to be absolute necessities. Assuming we're not talking the intangibles like love and such, lets go with: 1. Diet Coke 2. Books 3. Cheese Dessert - What was the last really funny movie you watched? Really funny as in laughed so hard I hurt myself? Not sure. This weekend we watched Just My Luck (read my review here) which had it's moment. I rewatched Super Troopers last week, because that movie always makes me laugh

A New Family Is Born

Many congratulations are in order for Steph and Chris who have accepted the referral of an absolutely beautiful little boy. You can follow their progress here, but don't read today's entry unless you have a tissue handy. They can't publish pics of him yet, but I've seen them and he's got the sweetest face and a great puff of hair. Their journey isn't over yet, but at least now they have the finish line in sight. God bless you guys, and we'll be praying for Dylan to come home soon!

Why I Won't Time Travel

(at least, within my own lifetime) Do you look like the image in the mirror? I don't know about you, but I usually am vaguely surprised to see me in the mirror. I don't quite live up to how I look in my head. I wonder how many of my memories are like that. What if I went back in time to witness one of my fondest memories only to see that I am not nearly as witty or charming or adorable as I recall? Ugh, that would be horrible! I specifically remember times at various camps that might fit this scenario - one of which - I flirted with the cute guy counselor and clearly he was responding. If I went back in time and saw a gawky awkward teenager being mildly patronized by an overly polite guy, ugh, kill me now. Or if the time I got the lead in the play and I thought I totally rocked the house - what if I was simply young and (thereby) cute and everyone overlooked the fact that I stank up the joint?? It would be too terrible. No, I like my memories the way they are. I like the me that lives in my head, even if the stupid mirror keeps showing me this other girl. Reality is nice and all, but maybe just a bit overrated.

Jami Goes to Gymboree

Okay, technically, it's Eddie who was enrolled in Gymboree today and attended his free trial class. But he didn't experience the excitement (we're trying something new!), the anticipation (will it be fun? Will he be good at it?) and the insecurities (what if the other parents are all rich, snooty, manicured moms with a half-caf, low foam, extra soy smoothie-chinos in one hand?). One of the neat parts of parenting, I'm learning, is the new-ness of everything. Everyday Eddie discovers, figures out or learns something that I take for granted or hadn't really thought about. Now the excitement is back - remember playing with a parachute in elementary school? When the teacher got out the parachute, I did! I thought "Oh boy! I love the parachute!" Eddie wasn't so sure about it, but he'll learn. One child crawled after the parachute when the teacher tried to put it away. So now we're signed up for classes and "free gym" time. I can't wait to see what's next! Oh - and the other mommies and daddies were all very nice and friendly, not a Starbucks cup in sight, and everyone was in jeans or jean shorts.

Yay, Jim!

Just a quick shout-out to Jim McKee who had the wisdom and good taste to add this blog to his "Gold Team" list (with minimal begging and whining from yours truly). Jim seems like a nice guy who'd be cool to hang with, so check out Life on Planet Jim during your regular blog reading times. Of course, all my favorites are listed to the right, and I promise at some point to organize them a little better. UPDATE: I just reorganized them, for now at least

Little of This, Little of That

Eddie has mastered standing unaided. Walking is still hit-or-miss, but standing? He's got that one down. So sometimes, just stands. Picks a spot, pulls himself onto two legs and just . . . stands. It's a new trick, so for him, that's an interesting activity. I like to imagine adults doing that. "Whatcha up to, Bob?" "Standin'." "Oh yeah, I love a good stand." Last night, the Husband and I are ready for bed - in our PJs, house locked up, teeth brushed, getting comfy in bed - when I realize I'm hungry. Nothing too shocking about that, I'm always hungry, but I was hungry for something . . .what do I want . . .. and it hits me - "Chicken McNuggets!" I said it out loud when it occurred to me, and then I wanted them so badly I could taste them. Of course, I had to explain to the Husband why I just said "Chicken McNuggets" at a time he was expecting something more like "Good night!" He checked the clock and said "McDonalds is still open - want me to go get you some?" Isn't he sweet?? He was serious. When I said no, he asked again, was I sure I didn't want him to go? So you can see why I love him . . . I'm going to make a template for my responses to clients. It's going to be a form email that says "Dear (Client), The problem you described in your email of (date) is not a problem with the software. It happened because you (stupid thing they did). Also, you requested the system do that because (stupid reason they had for that which I tried to talk them out of) which, as I mentioned might cause (the reason I tried to talk them out of it). Thanks, Jami" Update: We did go to bed without McNuggets that night, but the wonderful Husband bought them for me for lunch the next day

I Need Supervision

So far today, I have: Tried until really frustrated to slip my foot into what I thought was my shoe, but was actually part of my computer cord. Thought the microwave vaporized my lunch - I took it out, stirred it, started up the microwave, turned around to get a napkin and when I looked into the microwave, it was empty!!! No explosion, no fire, just totally gone. After about 2 seconds of shock, I realized my lunch was sitting ON TOP OF the microwave. Started a very small project for a client that needs to be done today and takes about 10 minutes tops, and somehow in the middle of it, got distracted and forgot I was doing it. Wrote a sentence that went "the system changes the status to the status in the system" which made perfect sense to me when I wrote it. Apparently opened the same document at least 5 times simultaneously. I kept closing it, and it was still there! And these are just the things I realized I did. Don't worry, I checked, I am wearing pants.

Murderous Me

Last night I dreamt I killed a man. It was for a good reason - he was abusing his 6-year-old, but the police couldn't prove it. Oh, sure, eventually he probably would have been caught, but I couldn't bear to let the little girl suffer until he did, and the mother was in total denial. I whacked him in the head with a shovel. I had a really good plan for hiding/destroying evidence, which I won't tell here, in case I need to use it some day. And I wasn't even sorry I did it, the guy needed to die. The reason this is interesting to me is that I am never the aggressor in my dreams, I'm always the one being chased or stalked or attacked. There is often a nefarious plan (that I am somehow aware of) to kill or torment me in some way, and I usually come up with my "out". I'm not a big believer in what our dreams mean (by the old wives' tale someone told me - if you dream about a dead loved one, you're pregnant - I should at least 10 kids by now), but I do wonder if some part of me feels like I am coming into my own, or taking power over something. Just a thought.

Celebrating M

Yesterday was my bestest friend M's birthday. I had planned on writing this yesterday, but just didn't quite get to it . . . We've been friends for more than 20 years, which in this day and age seems to be getting less and less common. Oh, people can "keep in touch" better, with email and MySpace and cell phones with nation-wide coverage, but it seems that the easier access doesn't mean the friendships really remain in tact. M moved to New York City after high school, in the time when you had to write real letters or decided if you could afford the long-distance call. I was scared when she left, because NYC seemed so far away and I worried she'd outgrow me. M, hugely talented, smart and fun too, would be overrun with cool friends from all over the world and boring old Jami would be long forgotten. People grow, people change. But M stuck with me, that's the kind of gal she is. We wrote, we called, we saw each other at Christmas. M was the first person I called when the Husband proposed. For a long time I remained grateful she still wanted to be my friend, and if that sounds pathetic and desperate, well, it's how I felt at the time. Now that we've both matured, M is still one of the most important people in my life. She's the sister I never had, my sounding board, my keeper of secrets. When I found out I was pregnant, I told the Husband, then M. When I miscarried, M knew just what to say. Before I'd even told my family about Eddie, M knew. M is Eddie's godmother, not just because they adore each other, but because I without her support I'd be in the loony bin for sure. What I love about our friendship is how we are exactly alike but totally opposites. If you've ever had a friend like that, you get it; if you haven't, I can't explain it any better. I don't want to wax on all day about her, boring all the rest of you with my tribute to M, or have you get the wrong idea about us. We're not friends of Sappho, not that there's anything wrong with that. I love the Husband and she loves her man. We love each other, but uh, not in that way. But without a doubt, I love M, and I am blessed to have her in my life. I know I can count on her, tell her anything, trust her motives and know she'll tell me if I look fat. And even when we annoy each other, even if we fight, I know she'll always forgive me and if nothing else, we've always got each other. In 60 years from now, I hope we're sitting in rockers on the front porch, talking about the new season of Holo-TV shows and drinking beer. Love ya, M. Happy Birthday and many, many happy returns!

Monday Morning Tidbit

I have a longer post I'm writing in bits to post later, but . . . Weren't we supposed to be on the 4-day work week by now? With computers and fax machines, email and copiers, weren't we supposed to be productive enough to get an extra "weekend" day? Is there anywhere more comfy than your bed? Mine is a nice queen size one from Mattress Factory with a one of those memory foam mattress covers. It has a memory foam pillow, my 25-year-old falling-to-shreds down pillow and Madrid (full-length body pillow). Sometimes I also use the Husband's pillows, too, and my giant stuffed bear Sammy. Right now, we have one comforter, and in the winter, I need at least one more blanket, usually I end up with two comforters. Mondays especially I appreciate how perfect it all is, and then I have to get up out of it.

Billion Dollar Dreaming

I rarely play the lottery, but when the Powerball gets up into the hundreds of millions of dollars, I like to get a ticket. As of this writing, it's at $40 million, which is about $18 million cash value, and that's just not worth my time and effort. I get a ticket for those bigger numbers because it's worth a dollar to spend the day planning what you'll do with that big pile of cash. Since Friday is a good day-dreaming day, here's my plan du jour: What I Would Do if I Won Eight-Hundred Million Dollars a friday day-dream by jami The very first thing I'd have to do would be something extravagant and ridiculous. I think I'd have an I Won the Powerball Party. It'd be a costume ball, with a nacho cheese fountain and a dark chocolate fountain. I'd have several costumes to change into during the evening, including Princess Leia (end of Ep 4, not the metal bikini), Belle, and whatever else caught my fancy. I'd probably rent or buy costumes for everyone, so they wouldn't have to scrape together home-made ones. There will be games, of course, with prizes. Games designed to amuse me, as I sit on my dais and observe. I'd fly in friends and family from all over the country and send limos to pick up everyone local. No one drives home, so this will be the biggest, longest, funnest, drunkest party ever. With the big party over, I'd move on to the nice things. I'd buy/pay off the houses of my siblings and sibling-in-laws. We'd all (and I mean ALL) go on good long vacation together. Each niece and nephew would get a college fund. Then I'd start helping friends, bestest friend M - I'd pay her tuition for her Masters, get her a new house (down the street from my new house, which I'd get right away) with satellite TV and high speed wireless. I'd probably get her a new car, maybe for her birthday or Christmas and give her enough cash that she could quit her job and concentrate on her Masters full time, because I know she'd get it regardless. I'd help PW get Douglas Manor in mint condition, and probably give her some cash to spend a year procreating and/or writing, though I'd demand an acknowledgement in the book and perhaps the middle-naming rights to the baby. I'd pay for Steph's adoption. I'd fly EDW in for a visit, and maybe pay for some DNA tests to see if we really were separated at birth. You get the idea. Then I'd do stuff for me. First, gotta get into better shape, so a trainer, a gym in the house, a personal chef who makes delicious foods that are still healthy. Then once I'm as hot as I know I can be - New Wardrobe; I'm going to get the designer from Firefly to dress me like Zoe, with a few Inara dresses for special occasions. I'd finally get the personal assistant I've always desired, who would also be trained in make-up and hair, since I hate doing that stuff. I adopt at least two more boys from Guatemala and get "Night Time Nannies" for each, so I get a good night sleep each night, and get to play with them all day. I'd get the gun metal grey, convertible Jag I lust after and probably a driver for when I don't feel like driving. My "care staff" would come once a week for manicure, pedicure, facial and massage. There'd be a TiVo in every room. Of course, I'd tithe to my church (though I might "suggest" they change the name to Jami's Presbyterian Church), support the causes I care about and that stuff. So there's my daydream for today. Don't hold me to it, it changes each time I get a Powerball ticket. Not this week, but when it happens, definitely a dollar's worth of fun.

Friday Feast

Feast One-hundred Seven Appetizer What color is your car? According to Chevrolet, my car is Sanddrift. I call it gold, but I love the car. Soup If you could wake up tomorrow with full training in another occupation and a job in that field, what would it be? Royalty? I'd make a fantastic Lady. Otherwise, probably something in the forensic sciences. Not pathology, but something that helps catch the bad guys. Salad How many times in your life have you had the flu (or something similar)? I can remember 3 times I felt like I was going to die from whatever bug I had. I guess that's the flu. Main Course What is something that has happened to you this week that you didn't expect? I can't think of a thing this week. I got a huge bruise on my arm bumping the door handle? Dessert How old were you when you had your first kiss? 13 - Michael Bennett, who really didn't like me even though I was totally in "luv" with him. He was still willing to make out with me, as long as I didn't tell anyone about it . . .

Step Away from the Meds

The first time I really noticed those scary warnings read by Mr. Fast Talker at the end of medication commercials was for a weight loss drug a few years ago. The commercial was going along, there was some fat lady on roller blades and the voice over said "rare side effects include . . . .., the sudden urge to move your bowels, uncontrollable bowel movements . . .." and it went on. Me, I never heard past that part. So, you're skinny but you might poop yourself without warning??? Ummm, gee, I think I'll go with fat, thanks. Now there are a couple running that say "(Drug Name) should not be taken or handled by women who are pregnant or may become pregnant." This concerns me. A pill that I shouldn't even TOUCH the pill simply because I am of childbearing age? Sounds a little more dangerous than one might hope for. Don't get me wrong, I am all for pills, drugs and medications of all kinds. I'd rather get my vitamins A and C from a pill than a bunch of broccoli, I believe Aleve is a gift directly from God and I carried my bottle of Vicadin around like a kid with a wooby after my oral surgery, but some of these side effects may be getting just a wee bit out of hand. I'm afraid we are heading for "being within 10 feet of this pill may cause instant death." Sure, it might cure your itchy scalp, but your friends may drop dead as you walk by.

Dazed and Annoyed

Is it me or are people getting more annoying lately? Maybe I am just cranky and more easily annoyed. Hard to say. Remember the mean people next door who walk through our office? They've really stepped it up a notch lately. They walk through having LOUD cellphone conversations. They leave their door cracked open so we can hear their gab-fests. One of them has a Nextel walkie-talkie thing so it makes that "chirp-chirp" noise at the end of each of his sentences. On Tuesday his constant use of it almost drove my coworker to violence. Last week they walked through and one said to another "When will THIS space be ready?" Okay, we get it - you want us out. Jerks. I'm annoyed by the people who continue to cheer for and vote for David and Dania on America's Got Talent who have done the exact same act four times. Wearing a different dress is NOT changing the act and people booed the honest judge who said exactly that. People have been louder, ruder and dumber in the past couple of weeks and the time has come to knock it off. Of course, my readers are not these people. We are the last sane few - the rocks of reason jutting out of the sea of stupidity. Sorry, folks, I've got no clever solution for this one, just a rant.

My Weird Fears, Part II

If you didn't read yesterday's post, you might want to start there. Otherwise. . . My other weird fear is my totally unreasonable belief that I can get permanently lost. Yup, I really, really believe that if I drive to a place I've never been, there is a good chance I'll get lost for good and never find my way home. A friend once said to me "As long as you have gas money and a cell phone, you'll eventually find your way." That may be logically true, but I just can't make my brain understand that. I think "What if I'm somewhere and can't explain to anyone where I am? What if no one around knows how to get to anywhere that would help me get home?" I've no idea where I acquired such an odd phobia. I don't think I ever got lost as a child, and no one I know just wandered off and was never seen again. I'm generally adventurous, and not afraid to go new places. I've flown by myself several times, with and without people meeting me there. I'd happily get on a plane back to Guatemala by myself right now. I'm not afraid this will happen when walking or on public transportation. But driving alone - that's when it will happen. Here's how it will go, I'll be driving to a city I've never driven to, perhaps Chicago. I'll memorize the directions and print them out in HUGE print so I can glance over and read them easily. I'll have a map and phone numbers and all that. Then, suddenly and without warning, there will be something missing from the directions, or a street name that doesn't exist, or construction, whatever, and I'll no longer be able to follow the directions. I'll stop to ask for help, place after place, getting more scared as each person says "I don't know how to get there" or "I've never heard of that place". I'll call everyone I know, but what can they do? They don't know where I am. Eventually, I'll just have to rent a room and start a new life there. Lost forever. It could happen.

My Weird Fears, Part I

I'm mostly fearless - not afraid of the dark or public speaking (I rather enjoy the latter one). Oh, I have some of the basic fears: strangers, pain, death. But I think that instead of some of the "normal" fears, like heights or spiders, I somehow ended up with some bizarre ones that are part of what make me the very "special" person I am. Here's one: When I take the baby for walks by our house, we pass a wooded area. Not really huge, probably wouldn't even qualify as woods, just this strip where there is a little barely-even-qualifies-as-creek in a valley with lots of trees and undergrowth and the like. There's a similar one I walked by when I took the T to work. When I walk by, I stare into the gully, searching as much as the area as I can, my hands sweating and my heart filled with dread because I know, with a sick certainty, that this will be the time I find a dead body. Crazy, right? But hey, especially this time of year, it'd be a good place to dump a body, and don't you always hear about the person who finds these things as someone out for a walk? So why do I look? Why not just look at the cute houses across the street or keep my eyes ahead on the sidewalk? Because the only thing worse than finding the body would be not finding it. Not because I want to see one, it's because when they did find (let's say) her, I'd know that I had missed her and her family suffered that much longer not knowing where she was because of me. If there IS someone down there, someone else is missing that someone and worrying, hoping, praying. If I don't look, I could doom them to days, weeks, months even of torture, and how could I do that? I think it's really weird that I have these thoughts, because I'm generally an optimist. I'm the one who hopes every celebrity marriage will work out and that this time I will win the Powerball. So every time I go by, I stare in, terrified that this is the time I'll see a hand or a hank of hair. It'll look like a mannequin, but I'll know it's not. And every time, after I pass it, I'll stop and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and take a deep breath. I've done my best, just in case.

Drive In Days

Friday night we went to the drive-in,one of my favorite summer activities (though now our drive-in is advertising that they're open year-round). Where else can you see two movies for $6 per adult, and take the baby with you (without annoying others)? We take our own snacks, though do occasionally get a treat from the snack bar (Saturday it was fresh hot funnel cake). I love sitting watching the sun go down and the little kids running around in PJs. Our double-feature for the week was Barnyard (which I reviewed here) and Monster House (which I haven't reviewed, but I pretty much agree with the Movie Guys' review). We expected a lot of families with kids, and we weren't disappointed. However, what really cracked us up, and the people next to us, was "minivan row", partially seen here: That is about 1/5 of the solid row of minivans with their hatches open. It was the ENTIRE back row of the parking lot, with maybe one or two SUVs thrown in for good measure. I've never seen anything like that. In front of this (where I am standing to take the picture, is a HUGE empty space where you can park cars, but not vans. Probably enough room for another 20 cars, but never filled up, while MiniVan Lane was jammed to the hilt. The lesson - take your car to the drive in! It was a glorious night. Eddie made friends with the people in the car next to us (he even conned a cookie out of them). I talked to the little kids on the other side of us, and all of us enjoyed the "Rocket Balloons" brought by the birthday party in the front row. They were serious, they'd even brought a table with snacks and sodas! By the second movie, it had gotten chilly, everyone said goodbye and retreated to their cars and cuddled up with their blankets and pillows. Eddie slept through that entire film, causing Chas to start snoring about halfway through (try staying awake to 1am with a sleeping baby on you). When the movie ended, the few people outside packed up, kids made one last run to the restrooms and everyone slowly drifts off. It's a long, dark, quiet ride home, and as always, I fell asleep then. I love the drive in.

Eddie's First Haircut

'Nuff said.

A Mommy's Journey

Just wanted to mention that I've added a link on the right, called Mommy's Adoption Journey. It's my friend Steph blogging as she and her husband go through the adoption process to bring home their son. Steph doesn't post every day (a lot of the process is big flurries of activity punctuated with long waits) but it's a good way to get an idea of what goes into an international adoption. It's not nearly as easy as Angelina Jolie makes it seem. Many people assume that you sign up with an agency and then you're on the waiting list, sometime later, you get a call and poof- you adopt a baby. Any adoption, domestic or international, is a long emotional process, rife with setbacks and frustration, and dealing with one of life's most emotional issues - becoming a parent. Your life is scruntized top to bottom, you have to produce documents about yourself you didn't even know existed, get fingerprinted, answer personal questions and have a stranger inspect your home. It costs tens of thousands of dollars for most adoptions and can take years. So why do people embark on this journey? Why put yourself through all that? We do it for love of a child. And it's worth every cent, every tear, every day you were sure it was never going to happen, every sleepless night. Anyway, check in now and then on Steph, and if you feel so moved, why not drop her an encouraging comment?

Chubby Happy People

Why am I fat? To be fair, I'm not a fatty-bo-batty or fatty-fatty two-by-four who can't fit in the kitchen door. In point of fact, my legs are awesome, my arms a little fleshy, but not too bad and my behind is actually quite muscular, but I do have a big jelly belly. All the fat in my body likes to hang out right around the navel. Don't know why, just does. The whole "why" of fat is easy. I take in (or have taken in) more calories than I used. This is a pretty easy equation - I like food + I hate exercise = chubby belly. There's more to it than that. First off, I was thinking the other day that when I get really nervous or worried, I don't eat. Just can't. I guess if I weren't such a content person, I'd be thinner. I just don't worry enough. But I'll take fat over worried any day. One friend in particular is what people call "naturally thin". She doesn't watch her diet or exercise. I've heard her say "I must just have a fast metabolism" and "I can eat whatever I want". Now, she may indeed have a fast metabolism, but here's the thing - what she wants to eat, it isn't what I want to eat. She turns her nose up at McDonalds Double Cheeseburgers and might eat a fry or two, but doesn't want more. The more I thought about this I realized that I have never heard her say something along the lines of "ohhhhhhhh, that was soooo goooood" in relation to food or "I'm really in the mood for . . ." See - there's the difference. Just like some people really love one activity, and some just do it when they need to - she can eat whatever she wants, because she doesn't really want to eat, get it? A few years ago, I lost about 12 or 13 pounds. This was after 6 months of denying myself foods I enjoy, or just having a small, unsatisfying portion of them, and forcing myself to exercise 3 times a week. At the end of that time, I'd dropped a dress size. At first, I was all thrilled - look at me, I'm a (size number removed)! Then, after the thrill wore off, I thought "So what??" I still look round in the mirror. I still have my belly. And I've spent six months missing the best part of my one of my favorite activities. Don't bother warning me about the health risks of being overweight, I know them. Later on, I'll talk about my weight as a goal, but the thing is, I can't see enough benefit to changing my ways for such little pay off. Miss nachos for the rest of my life so that I can live a few extra years? Just not sure it's worth it. Maybe if I could see results faster (and still be healthy) or if I knew once I got to a lower weight staying there would be effortless, but we all know that's not true. So I'll still be happy with my sexy legs, great cleavage, slightly flappy upper arms and my jiggly belly. BTW - my son loves to zrbrt my tummy, and if it were flat and muscular, what fun would that be??

Friday Feast

Happy Friday!! Feast One Hundred & Six Appetizer Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood. Willie Waterbug. Basically, it was a 2-foot-tall plastic bug with about 12-15 bendy tubes coming out of his head. You hooked the hose up and the tubes went all wacky shooting water in every direction. I don't know if this was the original intent of the toy designer, but we mostly jumped over him, which got really good and dangerous really fast as the grass got wet. Of course, I come from the generation of Slip-n-slides with no padding or "landing zone" so there ya go. Willie was a big hit in our neighborhood, even though you got the wind knocked out of you at least once each time you played with him. Soup If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be? I'm going to skip the predictable - food, shelter, healthcare, etc.- and go for internet access. I'd like to see Nbutu sitting in his grass hut firing up the lappie and looking up "Treating Lion Bites" on Google. Salad Approximately how many times per day do you think about your significant other? That's tough - depends on the day. Some days I get really immersed in my work and tune out everything. Most days, pretty frequently. Main Course What is something you believe in 100%? There are absolute truths. Dessert Name one thing you have done this week that you would consider a "good deed." Dang, wish this was last week, I was nicer then . . . I gave a stranger directions downtown, when the first several people she asked just shrugged and walked away.

Mmmmm, Meat

Today I missed breakfast, because I was in a big hurry and in the mornings, I am rarely hungry. It's all to easy for me to be running out of the house and think "I don't need to take food" because I am not hungry at that moment. (This is also why I get caught in the rain without an umbrella frequently "Yes, it's really cloudy, but it's not raining now . . .") Of course, when this happens, by lunch time, I am ravenous and cranky. It's bad. Sleepy might make me a little grumpy or grumbly, but hungry makes me angry and mean. I was downtown around lunch time, starving and in a hurry to get back to the office. There's a row of fast food places by my bus stop to get to the office, Dunkin Donuts, McDonald's, Wendy's, Arby's all in a nice row. Dunkin Donuts was out, I needed real food. What to choose, what to choose? Normally, I'd probably go for McDonalds, because they are cheapest, greasily satisfying and are part of the Upromise thing, so really, I'm helping put Eddie through college by eating my fries. Hungry as I was, though, I knew that a McDonald's Cheeseburger, even a double one, wouldn't do it. Wendy's double-cheeseburger is meatier, but I went for the Arby's. The regular old-fashioned roast beef sandwich. And was I glad I did. This is why I will never be a vegetarian - that first big bite of juicy delicious MEAT, sinking my teeth through it, really tasting it - even at that point, my stomach knew, really knew that everything was going to be okay. Sorry, but there is no vegetable, fruit or grain that can be that satisfying to bite into when you are famished. As much as I love a good crunchy salad, it's not the same. Grilled cheese - good, but not instantly soothing to the belly. Yes, Meat is Good. Now the sandwich is gone and I've got to get back to work. But my belly is full and happy and I'm pleasant again. Later, if I have time, my theory on why I am fat and that's okay.

Whatcha Thinking About Now?

I saw a banner ad today, on a news organization's website, which had a picture of a girl in lingerie and said "Think about sex all day, every day? Click here to talk to like-minded people." I was a little concerned by this. It seems to me these people should be talking to some sort of therapist, instead. I mean, sure, we all think about S-E-X now and then, some more than others, but if you are thinking about anything all day, everyday, that's not good. Also, what do you talk to these other like-minded people about? "Still thinking about sex?" "Yup." "Me, too." Perhaps you should talk to people who would introduce NEW topics of conversation into your life. Just saying.

New Rating: TV-NFJ "Not For Jami"

I should know better than to ever watch anything on any of the Discovery Channels, but sadly I don't. These are the people that got me all into a show about these adorable little lemurs, then showed one get killed - AAAHHHHH!!! I cried for an hour. Jerks. Yesterday, getting ready for bed, I'm flipping channels and I find the Discovery Channel. It's in a commercial break, but according to the menu description, it's the story of a child who is 2 and only weighs 8lbs; I figure that sounds good. The show comes back and after a few minutes, it's apparent that this is NOT about a little girl. It's this woman in Morocco (Zara) who is in her 70s who had an eptopic pregnancy in 1955, but they didn't know that's what had happened - the fetus grew to term in her abdominal cavity and then died and was calcified. It's a horrible story, which I couldn't stop watching, because they also mixed in a story of a woman in England who was having the same kind of pregnancy, but since it was 2003, they diagnosed it and tried to save her and the baby. So I had to keep watching. Zara was saved by an extremely long, complex surgery during which they removed a 7lb+ "stone baby"!! Horrifying! I was in tears. I watched it like this: quick peek "AHHHHH!" Announcer says "and now the head is visible..." quick peek "AHHHHH!" Announcer says: "The calcified wall is attached to her bladder" I'm smart enough not to look, this time . Doctor performing the surgery says "The fetus's hand is tangled in the intestines." quick peek "AHHHHH!" The only good that came of this was that she was no longer in pain, all the people who didn't believe her in the 50's when she kept telling them she was pregnant and they kept telling her she wasn't - that it was a tumor will know she was right, and she finally got to have a memorial service for and mourn the child she knew she'd been carrying. Still I could have lived without seeing the whole thing. Remained blissfully unaware that that was even possible. The English woman and her baby lived and are fine. I need to put some sort of Parental Jami Lock on that channel. I also saw another horrific show afterward with kids losing limbs. Not good.

Eddie and the Campin' Couch Potatoes

What an adventure this weekend was! As mentioned, we went camping with some friends and participated in the Whatever Floats Your Boat Race. For those unfamiliar with this concept, it's a race in which teams of daring folks build "boats" (and we're using this word very loosely here) out of anything that isn't commercially designed/sold to float - so no rafts or inner tubes, no actual store bought boats. Our team does it with a bit of a twist, too, especially these last few years - we build the boat the day before. Other teams show up with their fancy-schmancy months-of-work crafts and we show up with a truckload of raw materials and a drawing. To be totally honest, our Captain does do whatever work ahead of time that requires power tools, since there aren't many outlets in the picnic area of the beach. This year we were the Couch Potatoes and our idea was basically a floating living room. This idea appealed to our team because it was a relatively simple design and since we were dressed as couch potatoes, we weren't expected to really put ourselves out in the speed department. So we went up Friday, camped over night, got up Saturday, ate a hearty breakfast, played some Uno, and decided to go build. For a detailed photo journal of this process, from raw materials to end of the race and the destruction of the boat, go here. Once again, no one expected us to float (that's half the fun, when we actually do) and again, we proved them foolish. Not only did we float, we had a decent enough speed and maneuverability that we actually PASSED two of our competitors on the way to the finish line. And we looked darn cute doing it. We took second place for costumes and we got the Wazoo Award, which is the trophy they give out basically as the best spirit award. Solely decided by the head judge, it goes to the team that he feels best gets people involved and is most into the spirit of the competition. It's the one I think is the biggest honor. As for the camping, well, that's always a good time. Eddie didn't dig it the first night, he woke up a bunch of times and was fairly unhappy - enough that the Husband took him home at 2:30 am; it's only a 1/2 hour drive - but the second night he was great. Of course, during the non-sleeping hours, he loved that there was plenty of dirt to play in and a bunch of people who enjoy playing with him. He got to stay up a little later, see a real campfire and play with glow-sticks which may have been the highlight for him. Lastly, I leave you with this - Sunday morning, I was brushing out my hair and looking for my hair gel. I friz something fierce in humidity and gel is the only thing that prevents me looking like a giant orphan Annie. I finally ask the Husband "Have you seen my hair gel?" He says yes, I'd left it at home; he'd brought it with him Saturday when he returned to camp. This concerned me - see - Saturday, by the time he and Eddie returned, I was long dressed and ready. "Uh, then what did I put in my hair yesterday??" Because it's not possible that I just "forgot" that step. It'd be like forgetting to put on your pants. As far as I can tell, I may have used the Purell. It's the same basic shape as the gel bottle, and vaguely similar in the texture department, at least initially. Plus, I was pretty tired. So I have really, really clean hair . . . For pictures of Eddie's First Camping Experience, go here.

More to Come

I'll post more later - it's a busy Monday morning, but I wanted to let everyone know that we had a great time this weekend at the Lake Arthur Regatta in the Whatever Floats Your Boat Race (we got some trophies, I'll post pics). Eddie (mostly) enjoyed his first ever camping trip and turned 1 yesterday. One quick funny story before I go . . . Saturday afternoon I was walking back to my tent from the bath-house. Along the way is a horse pasture. A mom with her 3 little boys were running up to the fence to see the horses. There is a wood fence with an electric fence wire in the middle of the two wood rails. One of the boys started to reach through the fence and I said "Be careful! That fence is electric!". The mom yanked the boy back and thanked me as I passed them. She said to boys, "Don't put your hand in there, that wire electric and will shock you." Then I heard one of the boys say "Oh yeah? How do you know? YEEOOOOOOWWW!! Oh."

Friday Feast - a New Tradition

My dear friend Paperback Writer does the Friday Feast each week, and well, it just seems fun. So here's my first feast, and if you all hate it, we'll re-evaluate. Feast One Hundred & Five Appetizer Name an actor or actress you think is totally underappreciated. Missi Pyle She is consistently HI-larious in everything she's in, and even though she's gorgeous, she's not afraid to look ridiculous (Galaxy Quest, Dodgeball). Soup Impress us by using a big word in a sentence. I'd do mosaics, but I know my powers of tessellation are not up to it. Salad What is something inanimate that you've given a name to (such as a pet rock)? My body-length pillow is Madrid. I love Madrid. Main Course What color would best represent your personality and why? Dang, that's hard. I like dark colors, deep greens, purples, indigos, but best represents my personality? Dessert Fill in the blanks: ____________ is so ____________. It is so Friday.

My Little Things

In case yesterday's post was too much of a downer, here are some little things that make me happy. I'm leaving my husband and son off the list because they are BIG things that make me happy, and you probably already knew that. 1. Warm Rain. Yes, I know everyone loves a sunny day, but being the whitest-white girl ever, I pretty much Insta-Burn, and as much as I love heat and hate cold, the sun, especially on my face, makes me a little nervous. I love being inside and hearing a really good pounding rain. I love walking on a warm summer day with that misty rain that is like a million soft kisses. I love the smell of rain and after rain and the electric smell before a storm. I love splashing in puddles. 2. Unexpected Food. Isn't it awesome when someone buys you lunch? That's the best! Or brings you a little treat? A while ago I hid some chocolates in my desk and a few days later, having already forgotten them was rummaging for something and found them - YAY!! 3. A Movie I Know By Heart. This also applies to many Simpsons episodes. I put it on, I say my favorite lines out loud, I get all ready to laugh at the funny parts (the anticipation is great!) and I laugh every time, even if I know it's coming. Dorky, but makes me happy. 4. Getting Into Bed. How great is that first moment you snuggle down into your bed? Super great. 5. The Sound of My Diet Coke Can Opening. Especially the first one of the mornings. Krrrsscchhhsshh! Such a happy noise. Makes me smile. 6. Tea. Hot, fresh, pinch of Splenda (for most flavors) splash of lemon (for some flavors). Smells good, tastes good, warms you - what's better than tea? 7. Shoes. Hey, like it or not, I'm a girl. Partial to boots, but not when it's 95 outside. 8. Blog Comments. Obviously a relatively new one, and I wrote about it here, so 'nuff said. 9. TiVo. I admit it. I love TV. TiVo is a friend who gets the best stuff on TV for you. I love him. 10. "How You Doing?". Vanity, thy name is Jami. I can't help it, as much as I loathe and fear strangers, when a non-scary-looking guy gives me a "Hey, girl!" or smiles at me, I'm grinning for an hour. Chalk it up to growing up awkward - glasses, braces, not a curve in sight - but a guy who hits on me in passing makes my day. One time a nicely dressed guy at the bus stop said "After you, Pretty Lady" when we were getting on the bus and I happy-blushed so hard you could have read by the light of my face. Probably just being polite, but it totally made my day. So there you have it. Oh, there's all the standard stuff, too, like chocolate, good songs on the radio, going to the drive in, a good burp when you really need to, but these are the ones that are really ME.

How to Really Annoy Me

Following up on my two complainy posts about liars and not-listeners, and of course, EDW's post about what she loves and hates, here is a brief list of my few other pet peeves. Not my weird little foibles like the cheese not touching the egg on my sandwich. The Things I Hate (in no particular order) 1. Irregardless and Acrossed. These are NOT WORDS. "Regardless" means "in spite of". "Ir" is a prefix which negates the word, so "irregardless" would actually mean the same as "regarding". Get it? NOT A WORD. As for "acrossed", this might be Pittsburghese, but it bugs me to death. Something is not "acrossed" the street, it's across the street, and you crossed the street to get there. Not words. Quit using them. Slightly annoying but not as bad are "Alls" (as in "Alls I need is ...). All is never plural. Double "is" - (as in "What I'm trying to say is, is that it's annoying") One "is" per person, unless you are starting a question with that second one, like "What I am asking is, is it possible to not do that?" and of course "Mine's" "your welcome" and all misplaced apostrophes "Grape's on sale!" 2.Calling Disagreeing "Hate Speech". This one really gets to me. If I disagree with you, have a different point of view or honestly held belief, it's NOT hate speech and I am not a Nazi. Certain groups especially (not to be named here), will combat any position not in line with their own by yelling "Hate Speech!". Look, I am totally against bigotry, homophobia, chauvinism, whatever, but the fact remains that this is the US and people have a right to believe AND TO SAY what they want, unless they are threatening you. Silencing the debate on any issue is wrong, period! Someone says homosexuality is against their religion isn't "hating"; they are stating a fact. Someone who thinks families work best with two parents aren't trying to be mean, they are just expressing their beliefs and if it makes you feel bad, change the channel, walk away, present your logical argument, write a book, write a blog, call a friend and complain, whatever, but don't call them "evil" for disagreeing with you. 3. Bad Theatre Manners. This goes for movie, live production, whatever. I can't count the number of times in the past year I've shushhed someone at a theatre. At an improv performance, I had to go over to a group and explain to them that we were trying to see the show and could they politely shut up? Kids in performances they shouldn't be, people answering cell phones(!!), people narrating the movie we are all watching right now, talking back to the screen, making guesses about what's next - SHUT UP!!! For more on this, see the Two Movie Guys' various rants, here, here and here. 4.People Who Take Themselves Too Seriously Yes, we all have our moments and we all over-react to some things. It happens. But if you can't laugh at yourself, ever, and that goes for your religion, your politics and your family, too, then you have a problem. I'm a Christian and not just in name or because I grew up there. But I can laugh at my church when the joke is funny (and true). Learn to laugh at everything in your life and you'll start to see what's really important. 5.Research/News Reports on the Obvious This may end up being an entirely new blog at some point, but how much money is wasted on totally useless research or research with blatantly obvious conclusions? At the last radio station I worked at, I saw a press release from researchers at Pitt who had determined, over a 2-year study, that alcoholics are less likely to take medication on a set schedule than people who only drink occasionally. Well, duh. The Today Show ran a piece yesterday that was about "Are celebrities treated differently than normal people?" Um, this is news? Okay, that's the list off the top of my head today. I'm sure I'll have more to rant about some other time. .. .

Mommy Confessions

I don't want to turn this blog into a record of my mommy-hood, but I have a confession to make. My son is almost one, and I still rock him to sleep every night, gently put him in his crib and sneak out. I know, I know, I'm supposed to teach him to fall asleep on his own, put him in the crib awake but drowsy, blah blah blah, but I don't. Here's why: 1. Because rocking your sleeping child in your arms is one of life's great pleasures. Maybe it's selfish, but I can't think of anything that feels as indescribably wonderful as rocking Eddie to sleep. At night, he's cuddly and smells good; we sit in the rocker, in the dark and I sing to him. Most times, he wraps one arm around my neck and buries his face in the other side of my neck. His other arm flops down around my arm and it's like the longest, sweetest hug you can imagine. I can feel his soft breath on my neck and his chest rising and falling. He makes little noises and snuggles against me. It's the most perfect thing ever and I'm not giving it up until I have to. 2. He's not going to be cuddly and rockable forever. Someday, sooner than I'll be ready for it, my sweet baby will be a crazed 9-year-old who won't want to hugged and cuddled or sit in my lap. Why waste this time just so he can learn to go to sleep himself? 3. Regardless of whether or not he learns to comfort himself to sleep now, it's not going to make that much of a difference. Learning to fall asleep when you're a year is way different from when you're 3 and you can't fall asleep because there are drooling tentacle beasts under your bed, and probably some sort of zombie in the closet. Him learning to fall asleep without being rocked now isn't going to dampen his imagine when the lights go down. So what's the point? He'll learn to sleep on his own when he's ready. So there you go, my True Confession of my "bad" parenting. And I'm going to keep it up, too.

Can You Hear Me Now?

A while ago, EDW wrote about things that bug her. I also recently wrote about lying and how it's often a deal-breaker for me. Today's topic is a nothing new, but recently been happening too often. It's people not listening to me. Oh, they hear me, they nod and even say "I get you" then they either totally forget what I told them, or clearly indicate that they certainly don't "get me", not even a little. Today I was talking to someone I work with and I said that he needed to understand a certain idea. He responded with something totally irrelevant, but in a way that seemed he thought he was confirming what I told him (like "I need to know if you like chocolate?" (nodding)"This IS the perfect day to go to the beach.") I shake my head and try again - I am telling you about this and it's critical. Off he goes in another direction. Another coworker tries, "Just want to see if we're all on the same page . . ." Again, we aren't sure he "gets" it. Finally I give it one more go, in as simple terms as I can, and the coworker responds (angrily) "You've told me that five times already!" Grrrr!! Or, as Coworker Two said later "Yes, and if you'd demonstrated even once that you comprehended, I'd've stopped then." Not listening annoys me because it's a lack of respect. I don't expect to be the center of your universe with your undivided attention every moment of every day, but if I am talking to you and I can see from your expression that you are already thinking of what you are going to say next or if a minute later you have already completely forgotten what I said, why did I bother telling you? It's disrespectful. You don't have to remember every word I have ever said to you, but if I am passing along information that is of interest, can you at least not ask me about it 6 more times, and ignore me each time I answer you? If you're too busy to listen, say so! Nothing wrong with "Hey, I gotta concentrate on this for a few minutes, can we talk later?" I hate people not listening because all to often it leads me to an "I told you so" place. I don't want to say "I told you so" but I DID tell you. It's not that I am super-smart or have great wisdom, but one of my talents is being able to see around corners(other people's especially, since I've got no investment). I can see that you are headed in the wrong direction from where you want to go. If you ask me, I'll tell you and if you ignore me and hit that tree, how can I not point out that if you HAD listened, you'd be okay? Not to look superior, but so that next time when I yell "TREE! TREE-TREE-TREE-TREE!!!!" maybe you will recall that last time, when I said "Tree!" there was one. Okay, so now I sound nuts AND pompous. Maybe I just need a nap.