Jami is Almost Out of Bread

Tomorrow I will be stopping by the grocery store at some point in my errands. I do this because we are almost out of bread. It's not just a fluke, we are somehow, perpetually almost out of bread. We have two states of being here at our house Almost Out of Bread and Out of Bread. That's it. I buy bread. I bring it home and put it in the bread cabinet. Then I walk out of the kitchen and the Bread Gnomes tiptoe in and eat all our bread. There can be no other explanation. Okay, sure, Eddie eats an estimated 14 sandwiches a day (either grilled cheese or PBJ and occasionally steak-um) but still. I am convinced that if the Wonder Bread truck backed itself up to the kitchen door and dumped the entire load into my kitchen to the point where you couldn't get past the fridge because of all the bread, the next morning when I came downstairs for breakfast, we would be Almost Out of Bread. There would be a one folded-over plastic bag, twist tie lost, with the 2 end crusts and a single, lonely non-crust piece left. So, I'll see you tomorrow, at Giant Eagle. I'll be in the bread aisle.

Jami and the Fake Interview

So I haven't blogged for awhile (again) and was thinking I should, when I read an interview with an author in EW magazine. I liked the questions and have to admit that at this point in my life, it seems very unlikely I will be interviewed by EW. Therefore, I decided to blog my answers. Which classic have you never read, but pretended you did? Ah, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I have never actually read Little Women. I've read bits of it, I know the story, and I started in once, but I think at the time, I was too young for it. After that, when I would go to pick it up, I'd think I know the story already and then get something else. I need to read it, for real. What book would you use to swat a fly? Hmm, there aren't too many. I think even silly Harlequin romances have their place. I will admit that I hated Ellison's Invisible Man when I read it in 9th grade, but I might not have really "gotten" it. Or I might still hate it. I'll never know because I hated it enough to not give it a second chance. Tell us what your favorite childhood books were. If you want to go waaaay back, the Amelia Bedelia books were probably the first series I was into. I loved the Beezus and Ramona books, Judy Blume, the Hardy Boys (but not Nancy Drew) and sadly, in fifth grade I started sneaking some Stephen King, who is most certainly NOT appropriate reading for an 11-year-old. Are there books you have gone back and read over and over. Short answer: TONS! Long answer: I have loved "The Blue and the Gray" by John Leekly enough to have read 2 copies to pieces. I think it's out of print now, but I might have to find another copy. "Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe" causes me to laugh out loud and tear up every time I read it. The Fletch series and Flynn series by Gregory MacDonald are ridiculously clever and funny. Anne Rule's "Small Sacrifices" is one I can't put down even though it horrifies me. I think I read it over and over trying to make the (true) story make sense. I have a few other favorite authors, but no one standout book among their collections. Is there a book that scared the pants off of you? As I mentioned before, I started reading Stephen King way too young. I read "Christine" in one night too scared to sleep from reading it, but too into it to put it down. I finished at about 4 am and it was one of the first times I remember seeing a sunrise. I think it was the summer after 7th grade. Is there a book you always meant to pick up but never did? I'd like to read some more of the "classics" that I haven't gotten to, "Great Expectations", some of Jane Austen's lesser known books (the ones that haven't been movies yet) and those cat mysteries people seem to love. What do you want to read next? I'd like to get "The Self Sufficient-ish Bible" out of the library, because it sounds like the sort of thing I'd like. Feel free to answer these questions on your blog, unless you expect EW to be calling.

Jami Wants to Know, What's Up with the Dogs?

This may be one of the most important questions of our day. What's up with the non-talking dogs? I know what you're thinking - aren't dogs supposed to be non-talking? Generally, my answer would be yes, but what I'm referring to here are the many instances where in children's shows/movies every critter talks, except the dogs. You probably first noted this phenomenon with the Mickey Mouse cartoons. You've got talking mice, ducks, cats, cows, and whatever the heck Goofy is, (yes, I know officially he's a "goof" but that doesn't really clear much up, does it?) and yet Pluto, the dog, doesn't talk. He barks, of course, and Mickey seems to able to understand him (in the "What is it, boy? You want a treat?" sense.) Big deal, you say, in Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse, everything talks, except the dog. Who cares? Well, if that were the end of it, not me. Everyone's allowed some creative license, right? But the conspiracy goes so much deeper.... Watch Sesame Street? Who talks on that? Birds, frogs, monsters, grouches, you name it. Who doesn't? That's right, Barkley. The dog!! Even this website notes that while Barkley understands two sign commands, he doesn't speak. But he barks, of course. My son watches a show called Word World. In Word World, things are made of the letters that spell them. Yeah, it makes very little sense, but he's five. The main characters are: Ant, Sheep, Pig, Duck, Bear and Dog. There are also some regular guests: Frog, Bug, Fly, Shark and Cat. Guess which ones talk? If you said "all of them.. except Dog, of course" You'd be right. And then we have the most puzzling of all, Blue's Clue. For the uninformed (meaning, you don't have small children), Blue is an animated dog who has a live-action human friend (Joe or Steve, depending on the season) for whom she leaves clues about what she wants by putting her paw print on things. So, let's say Blue wants to have lemonade (sure, she can, it's a cartoon), she might leave paw prints the following clues: a pitcher with ice, some lemons, sugar. Got it? In Blue's world EVERYTHING talks, not just living things. Her salt and pepper shakers are married and have spice babies (I am not making that up). The mailbox sings. The sidetable drawer talks. With all this, certainly the star of the show, Blue herself can talk, right? Well, no. Only in the spin off, Blue's Room, where even the theme song sounds surprised "Blue can talk!!" Interestingly, in this, she's not animated, she's a puppet. Last example, Max from the Little Mermaid. All the creatures in that talk and sing and conspire - Max, the prince's dog, just barks and drools. What's up with that? Is it some sort of conspiracy? If so, why? I just know, it seems sinister.