Jami's Celebrity Filled Dreams

Lately, I seem to have had a streak of dreams featuring celebrities. I've had plenty of dreams with the rich and famous before, but not with this frequency. Not sure why, it's not like I'm particularly into pop culture at the moment. Of course, my all time favorite one was when I married Will Smith. I had a beautiful huge wedding dress - that was a very dark purple. This past week, I've been on Mythbusters, played an acoustic set with Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth in front of a packed crowd and helped Brittany Spears manager corral her during a rampage. I had Bruce Willis over for dinner. I think I did something at the White House, but that one had gotten a bit fuzzy. I won't bore you with the entire stories, and I don't have a point. But I do wonder what I'll be doing tonight, with whom.

Jami Shares a Virtual Evening With EDW

Tonight the finale of a hilariously wrong reality show called "Crowned" aired. I've been following the misadventures of some mother-daughter teams trying to win a pageant. Turns out my online friend EDW also enjoyed the combination of pageant, reality and come-uppences that was Crowned. So tonight, we ended up watching the finale together, in different states. Through the various magics of TiVo and IM, even though EDW started ahead of me, she was able to wait while I caught up, and then we skipped all the commercials together. We got to mock the horrible team as they screwed up beyond our hopes and root for the women who hoped to use the money to stop being homeless. I won't tell you who won, just in case you're saving it on TiVo for later review, but I thought it went pretty well, overall. This reminded me of high school, when I used to "watch" shows with my boyfriend over the phone on weeknights when we couldn't be together. There's something so nice about being in your own jammies in your own house with your blankets and tea or diet coke and still being part of hanging out with someone. After a long day and too much cold weather, nothing warms the heart like reality TV with a friend. Thanks, EDW, let's do it again sometime.

Jami Is Annoyed

We usually shop for most of our groceries at Giant Eagle, a local chain with generally good prices and one of those gas discount deals. One of the things I like about it is that they have Cookie Cards you can get for your kids. You buy a card for $1 at the beginning of the year, and then every time you shop there, your kid gets a free cookie, which makes everyone's life easier. The store we shop at most often had a little clear plastic bin where you would just go and get a cookie and not have to wait for a bakery person or worry if the bakery was open. Today, when we got there, the bin was gone. I asked the baker if we could have a cookie and she asked to see my card. I've never had them ask. So I pulled it out and she gave us a cookie. I asked her if they'd had problems, I was thinking of kids grabbing a bunch of cookies or taking one, changing his/her mind, putting them back - you know, kid stuff. She said "We've been seeing adults taking cookies who aren't with a kid, who don't even have a card for a kid - and usually taking 2 or 3. It's not right, the cookies are for the kids." Grrrrr!! Hey, Stupid Jerks who think it's okay to steal a couple cookies - KNOCK IT OFF!!! What is wrong with you? You're stealing. And you're stealing cookies! Not something you need to survive or something you can sell, but you're stealing something "little" just because you want to and you don't have the common decency and self-control to tell yourself "no". You took something nice that the store was doing for its customers and made it a problem for them. Not that you care, but you've made my life just a little more difficult. Maybe you think it's crazy for something like this to annoy me, but I just hate people who break the rules because they feel like it and we all end up paying for their selfish stupidity.

Jami Borrows a Meme

I love to eat: anything that includes melted cheese. I hate to eat: Peas, alfalfa sprouts, raw tomatoes I love to go: anywhere warm and with the Husband: Vegas, the beach, Caribbean cruise I hate to go: to the dentist. I love it when: Eddie is cuddly, when the Husband and I curl up and watch a movie with some nachos and Schmirnoff Ices. I hate it when: (expletive deleted) like this happens and messes up kids' lives and families, too. I love to see: my family all in one place. I hate to see: anyone suffering. I love to hear: Eddie giggling I hate to hear: idiots talking. Thanks for the meme, PW

Jami and Yuki

a random memory in three conversations In college I met Yuki, a nice Japanese girl whose English was a bit weak. The first time I chatted with her, she said "Pardon my English, it is not good." Jami: Oh, your English is fine. It's certainly better than my Japanese. Yuki: You speak Japanese? Jami: (after a long pause) uh, Hi! (if you don't know, "hi" is "yes" in Japanese) Yuki: Oh good! (she rattles off a long stream of what I assume is Japanese) Jami: Um, nope, sorry. That was all the Japanese I knew. Oh, and "Domo Arigato". (in my head I add "Mr. Roboto!") Yuki: You are right. Your Japanese is more not good. A few weeks later, after class: Yuki: Your skin is very white. Jami: Um, yeah. It sure is. Yuki: You'd be very popular in Japan. Girls want to have very white skin. Jami: Really? (I assume it's a trying to look western thing) Yuki: Yes. If you work outside, your skin gets dark. That means your family is poor. So girls want light skin so they look like a good family. You look like you have never worked. Jami: Thanks. I guess. During a class debate, Yuki had trouble defending her position and basically went silent. I took up her fight and did my best. Afterward, she thanked me. Yuki: This is why I like you, Jami. You are a tree. Jami: Did you just call me a tree? Yuki: Yes. Where I am from (Yuki used this expression to mean her hometown, not all of Japan), women are not supposed to be trees. Trees are strong and don't . . . (she swayed to one side, bending at the waist). Women are flowers, they are pretty, but the breeze blows them. Jami: Thanks, Yuki. Yuki: I am trying to be a tree, too. But maybe one that sways a little. And has flowers. Jami: I think you're really wise. Yuki: No, people just say that when they can't understand you. Yuki and I both graduated that fall. I never heard from her. I hope she's having a good life.

Jami Versus the End of January

This is my least favorite time of the year. It's cold, which we all know I hate, and the worst of winter is ahead of us. The fun holidays are past, there's not too much to look forward to. Valentines? Sure, it's nice, but the Husband is good and romantic all year 'round, and it's not a big fun family holiday. Don't get me wrong, I love living where there are distinct seasons. I love the new, fresh growth and air in spring. You can't beat the first really nice day of spring. Summer, of course, is always great. Fall is beautiful and fun. Crisp air, falling leaves, the return of football and hockey. I'd miss the beauty of winter and watching Eddie play in the snow. I love white Christmas and big, warm, bulky sweaters. But now, I'd like winter to end, and let's just move on to Spring.

Jami Contemplates Grieving

Unfortunately, the past year or so, I've had several opportunities to consider the grieving process. I've lost a grandfather and several family friends, most recently this past Sunday. In the eleven-plus years we've been married, we've also lost three of the Husband's grandparents and a dear aunt. So I'm no stranger to the whole process, sad to say. And I really believe, as hard as it is, there is great value to the tradition of the viewings and a service. During the days between a loved ones passing and the final service, be it a memorial in a chapel, a celebration of life, or the actual internment, those days find one adrift in a sea of confusion, grief and desire to best remember the loved one. Even for the one who has to oversee the arrangements, there is some cold comfort in routine and effort. For the others, there a security of a plan - we go here at this time, then we will go there. Having viewings serves many purposes. For the grieving family, it is a place to escape the "real" world and live instead in safe haven for their emotions. While you may not feel comfortable sniffling though the grocery store or weeping at the bank, no one will think twice of a niece or grandson crying at the funeral home, whenever they feel the need to. The family is gathered during those days, supporting each other, sharing their pain and remembering the beloved deceased. These are times not only of comfort, but of family growth and strengthening. If these days are not planned as such, the family may be scattered, grieving separately and confused as to what do to. In the cases of all the people we've had to say our final farewells to, hundreds of people wished to share their love of our relative with us, to offer their support, and to say their own goodbyes. If there is only a single service, and those generally during a weekday morning, many of those who wish to are not practically able to complete these functions. When the Husband's aunt passed away, much too young at 55, scores of her friends and coworkers made a point to tell us a story about how she touched their lives. We met people who cared about her and learned about parts of her life we didn't necessarily know much about. It was a great joy in a time of great sorrow. Alternatively, at my own grandfather's service and wake, many people who wanted to honor his life couldn't take a day off work to do so, and with limited time, I know that I could not and did not get to talk to all the people who had something to share about him. The days of the visiting and funeral are emotionally draining and hard to face, but they also really give one the chance to pour out the emotion in a safe and honest way. Like a large task that must be done, grieving is not a single act. Taking time out of your routine to push through the hardest part helps immensely. By the end of the funeral service, there is a calm - the feeling that you have survived the sharpest edge of the grief, and the service is the signal to your emotions to begin the healing. Not to forget or "get over" the loss, but to dull the ache and allow you to continue living and remembering the person the way you want to - the happy moments and good times. Not having that extends and confuses the healing, at least in my case. Maybe it's all me, and everyone hates this tradition but does it because that's what we do. I think it evolved this way for a reason and it's for our emotional health. I do hope, though, that if you think of making your own final arrangements, that you will remember the needs and desires of your loved ones, and not just what you want. I hate to say it, but you'll be the least interest of all the parties.

Jami Will Shut Up About the TV, Already, After This Post

So the last couple of days we've covered some TV shows you can catch up on during the writer's strike. I have one more category that I'm going to just touch on - Animated, but Not For Kids: The Fox Ones: SIMSONS FUTURAMA KING OF THE HILL All three of these have a similar vibe and share some voices as well. I'd bet you've at least heard of these series and if you like one, you'll like the others. Futurama has some episdoes that will melt your heart (like "The Sting" which I can't watch without getting teary). King of the Hill is probably the most realistic one, although conspiracy theorist Dale cranks up the ridiculous factor. And, you know, the Simpsons . . .. The Simpsons and Futurama both have feature film length movies available now , too. The Comic-y Ones: THE TICK INVADER ZIM You will love (and FEAR!) Zim, an inept conquering alien and his useless, insane robot sidekick Grrr. They don't quit "get" earth, but they're trying their very best to subdue and/or destroy it. Really, I'd have to recommend both the animated AND live action versions of everyone's favorite blue superhero. The Tick is "nigh invincible" but also with the intelligence level of my favorite shoes. His adorable moth-that-looks-like-a-bunny sidekick Arthur was a paper-pusher who felt called to The Super Hero life. Dialogue like: TV show host interviewing the Tick: "What are your powers, do you suck blood?" Tick: "Eewwww, no!" Host:"Can you destroy the earth?" Tick "Egad! I hope not! That's where I keep all my stuff!" The Seriously Not For Kids Ones: SEALAB 2021 HARVEY BIRDMAN, ATTORNEY AT LAW From the sickos at adult swim come these two hilariously silly shows. Sealab, I'm told, had originally been an idea for a serious drama cartoon, but when no one was interested, they decided to go a year into the future when everyone had gone mad from living in a sealab. It's so wrong, and you just can not look away. Or stop laughing. Do NOT miss the Bizarro episode, but wait until you've seen a few of the actual eps, first. Also, it helps to watch this one while sleep deprived or slightly drunk. Remember the Justice League, and Birdman? Well, he's back, as a so-so attorney in a law firm full of whackos. He litigates for and against many of your favorite 70's cartoon characters. It's got a high degree of silliness, but it's still good.

Jami Recommends More TV on DVD

Here are the ones you've most likely heard of but maybe never got around to watching: M*A*S*H (all 9 seasons available) The Lowdown: One of the all-time great series following a unit of doctors, nurses and others drafted into the Korean war. One of the first series that managed to have a perfect balance of comedy and drama, M*A*S*H will make you laugh and cry, sometimes in the same episode. I'm usually surprised to talk to people who never watched it, because I think it's got universal appeal. And less icky-ness than most of the medical dramas to follow. Don't Miss Moment: Hawkeye's hilarious "Tuttle" eulogy, bidding farewell to his imaginary friend, who most people believe is real. Final Word: I know 9 seasons worth of shows seem daunting, but if you want a good ensemble cast, moments that will stick with you and a comedy with serious heart, start this series. SCRUBS (6 seasons available) The Lowdown: In the spirit of a medical dramedy with heart and soul, Scrubs is a sit-com like no other you've seen. Centered on insecure Doctor John Dorian (J.D.), the series starts with the first day of his residency and follows his life in and out of the hospital (mostly in). J.D. narrates parts of the show, drifting into Ally McBeal-esque daydreams and fears. Smart, funny and full of well-rounded, well-written characters, this show sucked me in and quickly became a favorite. Don't Miss Moment: Though there are tons of smart jokes and touching moments, my absolute favorite is when hapless Ted, the on-staff lawyer, slips on his flop-sweat and does a header into a conference table. The table he hits is so shiny you can see his reflection come up and bounce off of him. Silly, yes, but oh-so-funny. Final Word: J.D.'s brand of nuttiness is close to my own, and if you watch this show, you'll get a better idea what goes on it my head. MY NAME IS EARL (2 seasons available) The Lowdown: Earl Hickey, a lowlife who's best quality is that he cares about his brother, gets a twisted idea of Karma and decides that his life stinks because he's been bad. After winning a lottery, he starts trying to do good things, so more good things will happen to him. A truly inspired cast of side-kicks, foils and minor characters finds themselves tangled in his attempts to make things right. Don't Miss Moment: Earl's ex-wife Joy always has the best lines, but when "Crab Man", being put out of a van by the witness relocation program asks a question about his new identity, I almost choked on my Diet Coke. Final Word:I didn't know what to expect when I started watching this, but after a couple episodes, I was totally hooked. The current season took a turn for the blah, and might be getting better, but the first two rocked. QUANTUM LEAP (All 5 seasons available) The Lowdown: Likable physicist/genius/inventor Sam Beckett (Scott Bakula) "leaps" through time after a semi-successful test of his time-travel device, and finds himself unable to leap home. Advised by charmingly sleazy Al a Navy admiral in his own time (I believe it's set in 1995) who appears as a hologram, Sam takes over people's bodies/lives and can't move on until he fixes what went wrong the "first" time. Don't Miss Moment: Though the chilling Halloween episode really stuck with me, the end of one episode in which Al tries to retroactively save his first marriage brings me to tears every time. Final Word: Sci-Fi that really isn't, you'll be impressed with Bakula's ability to "play" whatever character he leaps into. I'm also going to recommend The Office, which I'm still catching up on, Ugly Betty, which I think only has 1 season out so far and Psych, also only one season. All three are funny, and worth your time, too.

Jami Knows You Miss TV

Ah, the writers' strike, the horrors of nothing but reruns and the occasional reality TV series. If you are missing some new scripted stories, I'm going to recommend to you some series on DVDs to get you through this trying time. In a future post, I'll get to the ones you've probably heard of, but first let's start with the ones you may have missed: FIREFLY (of course, my favorite show) The Lowdown: This sci-fi space western action comedy series, created/written/etc by Joss Whedon may be the best show ever cancelled by Fox. A band of misfits collected on a mostly-broken down old (space) ship try to get by best they can. Snappy writing, clever plots, characters you'll really love and a great mix of drama and comedy will suck you in by the middle of disc 2. The first and only season is available on disc and watch it before you see the feature film Serenity, made after the show's cancellation. Don't Miss Moment: Hard to pick, but I'll have to go with the Ballad of Jayne, a folk song written about a crew member, on a planet he'd been on only long enough to steal stuff and blow town. Final Note: Check out the extras to get the full story of the battle of Serenity and the hilarious outtakes. BULLSH*T (four seasons now available) The Lowdown: Comedian-magicians Penn and Teller turn their offbeat charm to investigating urban myths, fads and "common knowledge", such as recycling, bottled water and reflexology. The language is rough, but the information is good. As Penn explains, you can be sued for calling someone a fraud, liar or charlatan, but it's totally legal to call someone an a**hole or motherf-r. Don't Miss Moment: Normally sarcastic Penn Jillette takes a minute to talk about his pain at losing his beloved mother and how people claiming to talk to the dead soil the memories we have of lost loved ones. Final Note: You might not agree with or believe what they say, but it'll at least give you a good laugh and something to think about. THE JOE SCHMO SHOW (2 seasons on DVD, but only watch the first) The Lowdown: A fake reality show "starring" the only person not in on the gag. Matt Kennedy Gould, possibly the nicest man alive, thinks he's in a mansion playing a reality TV game show to win $100K, blissfully unaware that the other "players" and the host are actors, given roles and plot lines to play. Matt's unpredictable behavior occasionally leaves the actors scrambling and the characters playing the assigned stereotypes (the Bitch, the Jerk, the Gay Guy . ..) display marvelous improv ability as the situations change. Don't Miss Moment: In the second game, check out the half-a-second of frozen panic the actors all have when Matt unwittingly completely foils the plan. Final Note: Stay away from the second season which was so terrible, it'll make you want to hunt down the writers/producers, thank them for the first season and then slap them silly for the second. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (three seasons) The Lowdown: Slyly funny, super-fast paced story of a family in turmoil. Jason Bateman heads up a stellar cast (Portia De Rossi, Jeffery Tambor, David Cross, Ron Howard and more) as Michael Bluth, who tries to do right for his teenage son, his jailed father, alcoholic mother, and bizarre collection of siblings while managing the family's business. Don't Miss Moment: With it's blink and you missed it gags and hilarious double-entendres, it's hard to pick, but David Cross's line "You're forgetting, Lindsay, that as a psychiatrist, I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first "ann-ahl-ripp-ist" and then showing the business card that says "Analrapist" had me in tears. Final Note: If you didn't find the above funny, you won't like this series. Thanks to EDW for the idea of blogging about TV on DVDs. I'll try to get more up later!

Jami's Cosmetics Challenges

Dear Cosmetic Manufacturers, especially nail polish makers, I've been seeing quite a selection of cosmetics in my current line of work. I am glad to see that you are always trying to create newer and better products, but I think we need to have a little chat. First of all, the following are NOT colors: Lace, Witty, Brilliant, Shimmery and Flirt. Maybe you can make a case for "Whore" as a color, but only in lipsticks. Telling me that the nail polish color is "True Love" does not indicate to me the shade my nails will be when I'm done painting. Also, "Birthday Girl" - again, not a color. Secondly, I'm all for natural ingredients, but let's try to keep it somewhat sensible, shall we? Why do I want "real arctic blueberries" in my mascara? That sounds sticky and unpleasant. I don't need vitamins in my shampoo, hair is dead. It might absorb certain things, but vitamins are probably not going to help it. Actually I don't really want real strawberries in my strawberry conditioner or actual vanilla in my deodorant. I just like to smell like it, not wear it, ya know? Just saying. Thanks, Jami

Jami's Family Day

Yesterday was our Family Day; January 11 was the day the Guatemalan authorities declared us legally a family. So every year we celebrate by getting a family portrait, then spending some fun family time. We got our portraits done, long story there, but it boils down to, I'll post some pics later. I love family portraits because it allows me to alter the memory to "Look how organized and perfect we all are". Also, Eddie is so dang cute, you just can't TAKE a bad picture of that little dude. After pictures, we hit the candy store where Eddie picked a few of his favorite treats to eat in the car on the way to an indoor play place. Eddie, who loves only climbing more than running, found his glory in the giant climby-thing with a huge slide and plenty of tunnels and whatnot. Of course, once he saw someone else's mommy in the climby-thing, guess who got to join him? Yes, nothing like being a thirty-something mom crawling around on padded platforms and cargo nets. Of course, after begging, pleading and dragging me to the highest level, Eddie slips down the super-secret back exit, leaving me alone at the top, with no child anywhere near me. I'm sure that looked totally sane. The Husband introduced Eddie to the joy of Whack-a-Mole (although theirs was actually whack a shark, but you know, same idea) and Skee Ball, which Eddie enjoyed, but did not excel at. We discovered that 2-year-olds are inexpensive at video arcades, since he didn't often care whether the game was actually playing for many of the games. After seeing a grade school aged boy playing air hockey with his mom, Eddie insisted we give it a try, but didn't quite grasp the concept and employed the poor defensive strategy of repeatedly dropping the puck in his own goal so that it would pop out the bottom. At the (super mini) Mini Golf area, the Husband attempted to introduce his boy to the joys of putting, however Eddie insisted on using the non-PGA-approved method of pushing the ball with the club while guiding it with the other hand. He also really enjoyed gathering up all the golf balls available and tossing them onto various greens. After playing, we hit the toy store, because we had to return a Christmas gift, but it added the fun of getting a toy, even though Family Day is not about gifts. Eddie attempted to give Mommy a heart attack but taking off running down an aisle and vanishing. By the time I'd rounded up an employee to start a Code Adam (basically locking down the store and finding the missing child), the Husband came walking out of the electronics aisle, carrying a not-at-all-sorry Eddie. And he still got a toy. I needed a drink, but didn't get one. . . . . Finally we hit Olive Garden for dinner. I have to admit, a nice sit-down dinner at a real restaurant that doesn't have a play place or provide toys was more for me than the others, since I get desperate to have real food that someone else cooks and cleans up after that I get to eat while it's still hot. Eddie looooooooved the Zuppa Tuscana (sausage and potato soup) and managed to have a bunch of that and a bread stick before his entree arrived. I figured he'd be done, but no - he followed that with half a chicken breast, his whole side of pasta, a few bites of broccoli and another bread stick. Though he knows how to use utensils, he choose to eat his spaghetti by hand: grabbing big handfuls, shoving it in and chewing at the same time, and making a "grulmn, grulmn" noise. Most of our neighboring diners found it amusing; one cranky old lady gave him frequent dirty looks. Old bat, she's probably just jealous. I figure, you can only eat like that certain times in your life and when you're two is one of those times. I had a delicious lasagna roll dish and even dessert - this - which once I saw the picture, I didn't even have to look at the rest of the menu. We came home, tired and happy. We played a bit and Eddie went to bed. The husband and I had some tea and watched a movie. It was a good day. Several times I stopped to think: I could not be more blessed. What more could anyone ask for than a loving husband, a wonderful child and a great day together?

Jami's Friday Feast

Feast 175 Appetizer What is your middle name? Would you change any of your names if you could? If so, what would you like to be called? I have two middle names - Lynn and my maiden name - and I wouldn't change it. I always wanted a name that came with a nickname, Jami is already a nickname so I didn't have a really formal name. Soup If you were a fashion designer, which fabrics, colors, and styles would you probably use the most? Um, I would probably use a lot of black, and whatever fabrics are comfy and inexpensive? I know nothing about this. Salad What is your least favorite chore, and why? Doing the dishes. I got a dishwasher and now EVERYTHING goes in it. If it can't go into the dishwasher, I don't want it in my kitchen. Baking stones excepted. Main Course What is something that really frightens you, and can you trace it back to an event in your life? I am really terrified of being permanently lost, see here. I don't know what could have caused this. Dessert Where are you sitting right now? Name 3 things you can see at this moment. On the recliner in the living room. I can see my son, my dog and my telephone.

Jami Goes On About Snack Foods

Yesterday I mentioned that certain times, I require more salt than other times. This is not to say that I don't love salt all the time. I love salty snacks, which brings me to my next point. Who buys the unsalted pretzels and potato chips I see at the store and for the love of all that is salty, why do they buy them? The point of the chip, the pretzel or the french fry is to get the salt into your mouth. Or the cheese, the dip or the catsup (I personally don't eat catsup, but I understand there are those who do). Pretzels are great, believe me, but part of their greatness is that they bring the salt along. If you aren't going to have salt on your pretzel, you're just eating crunchy bread. And that's just wrong.

Jami's Menu Planning

I don't make resolutions for New Years, but if I did, eating better would have been one of them. I always intend to eat healthy, but when I'm not looking my hands prepare fried, fatty (delicious) foods and shove them in my mouth. And I love cheese. If you say you don't love cheese you're either a liar or a complete lunatic. Cheese is great. Anyway, last night at dinner preparation time, I found myself in the kitchen contemplating the nice, healthy chicken I'd planned to cook, with some rice and veggies. But I didn't want the chicken. I wanted cheese. I needed, for hormonal reasons, salt and dairy. Need is too light a word, these certain hormonal times. It's more like a crazed person screaming inside my head "GET US SALT NOW!! GET CHEESE! GET MILK! PUT SALT ON THE CHEESE IF YOU HAVE TO!" So the Husband evinced only mild surprise when I emerged from the kitchen with our dinner - hot dogs, hot pretzels, chips and a nice bowl of melted nacho cheese for each of us (meaning him and me, Eddie ate a hot dog, green beans and noodles, because I apparently care about his nutrition). I looked the Husband in the eye and said "Pretzels are like bread and the chips are made from corn - it's a balanced meal." The Husband, who both enjoys cheese and knows better than to argue with me when I'm in Insane Hormonal Mode, nodded. "I have no problem with that." You see why I love him. I figured, we can eat the chicken tomorrow and I might not be any healthier, but I definitely felt happier. Cheese can do that.

Jami's Messy House

I recently came to the conclusion that everyone I know has a bigger house than I do, and somehow they manage to keep it cleaner. They also mostly have more children than I do. I'm not jealous of the bigger house, just saying that they have more to clean, and still I just can't keep up. Some of it, I know, is my fault. I don't really like to clean, and frankly, there are times when I decide that even though I really should vacuum, I'm going to read the next chapter of the book I have out from the library. But I do really try. I really do. Also, people never drop by on the days when I've just finished cleaning the downstairs. Never. They always, always drop by when it looks like the toy box exploded after the Husband's file box had a fight with the bookshelves and the dog shaved himself on the carpet. Sigh. Like today, I cleaned the entire downstairs, vacuumed - dusted, even - and did anyone pop over to borrow or return something or see Eddie? Of course not. No one will even think of coming over until about Wednesday when the house will be back to "lived in". Go Steelers!

Jami's Friday Feast

Feast 174 Appetizer When was the last time you received a surprise in the mail, and what was it? I got a Christmas card from my MOPS Secret Sister. Soup If you could have a summer and/or winter home, where would you want it to be? I'd have a winter home somewhere warm, probably somewhere like St. Maarten or Cancun. Salad Pick one: pineapple, orange, banana, apple, cherry. orange!! Main Course Describe the nicest piece of clothing that you own. Nicest? I'm not sure. I have a beautiful fur coat that was my great-grandmother's. And chill out, those seals would have been loooooooonng dead by now anyway. Dessert If you could forget one whole day from your life, which day would you choose to wipe from your memory? I don't know that I would. Even the bad memories make me who I am.

Jami's Disorderly Eating

I mentioned a few days ago that I took ill over the holidays. Fortunately brief, but bad enough for the couple days when I thought an evil elf had moved into my midsection. During some introspection while expelling the contents of my innards, I came to the conclusion that I can't have an eating disorder. Not that I necessarily want one, but I could stand to lose a few pounds. Though I knew it'd make me feel better, I couldn't get myself to throw up. (Finally, finally I did so without trying and started to feel better, but it took hours). There has only been one time in my life when I did make myself throw up and that's a long story for another time. Even knowing it would ease my pain, I couldn't upchuck on command. That lets out your standard bulimia. Also, with my ridiculously weak teeth, if I threw up regularly, they'd be gone in a month. As for the other varieties of bulimia: there's eating and purging by exercising obsessively, and that is definitely not going to happen. I can't even convince myself to exercise once a day, so for hours at a go several times each day probably isn't very likely. Then there's the bulimia where one takes handfuls of laxatives after binging. While sitting is more my speed, I don't particularly enjoy that activity, and we'll just leave it at that. I know what you're thinking, Jami, why not try out anorexia? Please, if I didn't love to eat so much, I wouldn't be in my fat pants in the first place. I loooooove food. Which leads us to compulsive eating, probably the only eating disorder I could do, and that's just going in the wrong direction altogether. When discussing this with M, who also loves eating but is in better shape than I am, she also pointed out that people who are bulimic or anorexic end up with broken, bad hair and gross skin, and she's absolutely right. Why bother getting all skinny but being ugly? Kind of misses the point, doesn't it? Same goes for heroin, which isn't an eating disorder, but also causes people to get really skinny. Sigh. No disorders for me today.

Jami's New Friend Jill

Jill is the name of the voice on my brand-new GPS doohickey, which the Husband and I bought with the Christmas money from my parents (thanks!). I love gadgets, of course, and with my deep-rooted fear of being lost (see here) a GPS is a natural fit. I like Jill, she's pretty helpful. Sure, she got confused when I decided to go home a different way once I knew where I was, but we made up and we're cool. She makes a nice little BING noise and then gives direction in her super polite way "in 300 feet, turn left onto Main Street". Her map shows me where I am and where we're headed and even what time she thinks we'll arrive. The first time I set out with Jill navigating for me, I apparently thought I could turn off my brain once Jill started talking. First intersection, first direction, Jill tells me "Turn left on Library Rd." and what I do? Start making a left directly into oncoming traffic. This is where a live person might have an edge over Jill. An actually human might respond along the lines of "AHHHHHHHH! What are you doing?" whereas Jill seemed totally fine with me killing us both, as long as I was doing it in the proper direction. This happened one more time, before I got the hang of listnening to, but not necessarily immediately obeying Jill. It did make me wonder what I'd've done that first time if Jill had asked me to drive into a building or lake or something. "Okay, left into the brick wall . . ." WHAM! But overall, I like Jill. I might try out British Man voice, though he has no name. There's Emily, who is also british, and an austrailian voice whose name I've forgotten. The rest of the voices speak a variety of foreign languages, which may be fun, but probably somewhat less helpful, as I don't speak any other languages.

Jami Storms into 2008

So, first it was Christmas, then I got sick, then Christmas again, then all that after Christmas stuff, and finally my computer crashed but now I'm back. What, you didn't have two Christmases? You'd better get more relatives! Judging by the toys scattered throughout our first floor, I'd guess Eddie had about 17 Christmases, but I'm beginning to suspect the toys breed at night. Just a theory. Also, I'm still working on the Christmas cards, so if you didn't get one from me yet, well, no one has, so don't feel bad. So I've been certified to be out on my own at work. You may remember (or you may not) that I'm working for a market research company and it involves me visiting local stores and scanning various products' UPC codes and that's as much as I can legally tell you. Anyway, over the past several days, I went to 4 stores and I've come to the conclusion that I look to friendly and helpful. Customers in the store asked me an estimated 573 questions in the 8 or so hours I was in the different stores. Mostly the questions are "Where is the (random product)?" Since most of the stores I'm not that familiar with, I have to explain that I don't work for the store, and I'm sorry, but I don't know. I am usually greeted with skeptical glares - I can almost hear them thinking it sure looks like you work here. But they wander off to ask someone more helpful. A few asked me about sale items - again, I don't know, sorry; skeptical glare. Don't get me wrong, I help when I can, but I don't have the foggiest idea where this store stocks the sauerkraut that's on sale. One guy asked me for Ambesol. I said "I'm so sorry, I don't work for this store, so I don't know where it is." He went over, said something to his wife, who immediately came back over to me and asked me where the Ambesol is. What is the thinking there? That I lied to him, but I'll tell her?? That maybe he misunderstood me or I him, so she was going to clear this up? OH, the Amebsol? I thought he asked me for illegal steroids. I began to believe that people were specifically seeking me out; sometimes they walked past seemingly scores of eager-to-help-looking store employees in their brightly-colored store employee vests and large print name tags, pushing them out of the way to make a beeline right to little old unhelpful me. My only conclusion is that I look too nice. Our dress code is business casual, but maybe I need to go a little meaner. Maybe a nice studded leather collar? A big scary tattoo on my neck? Or I could start rocking and talking to myself while I work. Of course, that's the type of person that normally seeks me out for a good conversation. Well Happy New Year. Here's hoping 2008 will be a great one. Sorry I've been away so long, but now I'm back, baby, with so many fun things to tell you about.