My Weird Fears, Part I

I'm mostly fearless - not afraid of the dark or public speaking (I rather enjoy the latter one). Oh, I have some of the basic fears: strangers, pain, death. But I think that instead of some of the "normal" fears, like heights or spiders, I somehow ended up with some bizarre ones that are part of what make me the very "special" person I am. Here's one: When I take the baby for walks by our house, we pass a wooded area. Not really huge, probably wouldn't even qualify as woods, just this strip where there is a little barely-even-qualifies-as-creek in a valley with lots of trees and undergrowth and the like. There's a similar one I walked by when I took the T to work. When I walk by, I stare into the gully, searching as much as the area as I can, my hands sweating and my heart filled with dread because I know, with a sick certainty, that this will be the time I find a dead body. Crazy, right? But hey, especially this time of year, it'd be a good place to dump a body, and don't you always hear about the person who finds these things as someone out for a walk? So why do I look? Why not just look at the cute houses across the street or keep my eyes ahead on the sidewalk? Because the only thing worse than finding the body would be not finding it. Not because I want to see one, it's because when they did find (let's say) her, I'd know that I had missed her and her family suffered that much longer not knowing where she was because of me. If there IS someone down there, someone else is missing that someone and worrying, hoping, praying. If I don't look, I could doom them to days, weeks, months even of torture, and how could I do that? I think it's really weird that I have these thoughts, because I'm generally an optimist. I'm the one who hopes every celebrity marriage will work out and that this time I will win the Powerball. So every time I go by, I stare in, terrified that this is the time I'll see a hand or a hank of hair. It'll look like a mannequin, but I'll know it's not. And every time, after I pass it, I'll stop and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants and take a deep breath. I've done my best, just in case.