Friday Feast

Feast One Hundred Thirty-Seven Appetizer What are you proud of? I am proud of being my husband's wife and my son's mother. I am proud of the person I am now and the person I strive to be. Soup What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize? I won $500 at a local carnival just before we booked our honeymoon! Salad Name something you do that is a waste of time. You're looking at it, baby ;-) There are always sites to surf and online games to play. Main Course In what year of your life did you change the most? Hmm, 1992 when I got my first "real" job, graduated high school and went to college and met the Husband? 1996, when I moved out, my brother went to college and I got married and got a "career-type" job? 2006 - becoming a mommy and losing my job? The first year of my life? Hard to say. Dessert Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil? This one is easy - Laurelville, the camp I have taken many kids to. In the mornings, when I walk to the leaders' meeting and the kids are all sleeping. The camp is so quiet, the sun is just up. There are "nature" noises, and the sound of my footsteps crunching in the gravel. Sometimes I don't see another person until I actually get to the meeting and it's like I have the whole fresh new day all to myself.

An Easter Bonnet with Ribbons On It

Easter season is the only time of year I wish I had a little girl. Today at a store I admired the beautiful girly-girl dresses with ribbons and lace and crinoline under-skirts. Some have matching lacy gloves and - my favorite, crisp white Easter hats! I'm sure my mother would dispute this, but in my memory, I loved my Easter hat. I probably wore it total of 37 seconds before I ran off and left it somewhere, but in my mind's eye, I felt lovely and, I don't know, proper? royal? in the hat. I'm a boy-mommy, 51 weeks a year. I love the rough-and-tumble, cars and Star Wars guys. I cringe at the princess stuff and can't stand Bratz. Sure, I played Barbies, but while my friends' Barbies were dating and marrying, mine were off on adventures. When we played Star Wars, I was Han Solo, and when we played Speed Racer, if I couldn't be Speed, I'd be Racer X (once I had to be Sprocket). I want at least one more boy, I don't feel the need for a girl (though if God gives us one, I'll love her, no fears!), but in the spring, when the Easter fashions for girls fill up the stores like a garden blooming in lace, those days, I could picture being a girl's mommy. I wonder how Eddie would look in that hat . . .

I'm a Mother, I'm a Dreamer, He's a Midnight Screamer

Okay, so technically it wasn't midnight, but 4 am when my adorable son decided to start what we call "dingo screaming". These are screams that are issued for no discernible reason, so we assume there must be dingos trying to steal him, and that they run off when they hear me getting out of bed. Anyway, I rocked him back to sleep, but then had a hard time drifting back off myself. I was probably up about an hour before I finally managed to get back to Slumberland. During this sleep session, I had two dreams about Eddie. First, I dreamt that I lost him. Just simply misplaced the baby. I was, of course, too mortified to admit this to anyone, so I was trying to question people about it without arousing suspicions. "Have you seen Eddie . . . in his new outfit?" I told people that my mom had him, or the Husband did, or that Eddie was just up in his crib napping, or whatever. I did eventually find him, at Eckerds. I guess they just have everything, even your baby. In the second dream, I attempted to teach Eddie to sing. Specifically, we were working on some vocal exercises, but Eddie was just not at all cooperative. I'd say "Now Eddie, try it like this" then I'd sing up and down the scale "La, la, la, LA, la, la, la!" And Eddie would respond with two or three "Aahhhhhh!"s and never on the right notes. Have you figured this one out yet? Yup, in the waking world, poor Eddie, awake and alert, hollered to be set free from his crib, but my sleepy brain decided to pretend we didn't notice. Not too worry, no dingos - just time to get up and get the day started.

When Someone Asks, Just Say No

Go here for the story of a woman caught trying to sneak past border guards, in Israel, with live crocodiles strapped to her body. The article notes that their snouts were "tied shut", and these clearly were not full grown crocs, which would probably have been pretty obvious, but still. Doesn't this just sound like a bad idea? The part I find most interesting is that the woman claims she "was asked" to do this. I've asked plenty of people for favors and been asked for just as many, I'm sure. I can't imagine how one asks a friend "Hey, could I tie some crocodiles to you? Just under your clothes, but don't worry, I'll get some string for their mouths." Or maybe she was returning a favor? "Remember when I helped you move? Well, I'm calling in that favor . . ." This goes along with some other things I've heard, which make me wonder who has the chutzpah to ask others to go along with their plans. One friend told me about her cousin, whose husband had convinced her that it was okay for him to move his girlfriend into their house. That's right. Go back and read it again if you need to. How did that conversation go? "Look honey, I know you complain that I'm never home, this way, I'll be here more, and when I'm not, you'll have company." I worked with a woman who, as a 15-year-old, had asked her parents if her boyfriend could move in (into her bedroom!) because he wasn't getting along with his parents. Gee, teenager not getting along with his parents. If I'd even suggested this to my parents, not only would I still be grounded, but my dad would still be wiping away the tears of laughter. "Let him move in, ha ha ha, to your room, ha ha ha, whew! Oh sure! Then I'll buy you some champagne and a joint! HA!" I guess you never know until you ask, and if you really want it, you just have to try it. I'm known for asking nosy questions (because you can always tell me it's not my business), but I can't even fathom how to ask someone to go along with something like one of the above. But I guess it happens. So, could I get you to carry a small bag of probably harmless rare spiders in your mouth on a 10-hour flight? If you live, we'll totally split the profits.

Special People

Here's part three: possibly, probably, the last in my series on the pessimism-building nature of my time at McDonald's. On a side note, the management there always treated me exceptionally well, better than the management at several of my "real" jobs later in life. Quite a shocker, really, to learn that the respect you got as a high school grill jockey is more than a trained and qualified person in a competitive career. Oh, if you're new, please read parts one and two. Or don't. Won't really matter. This installment in one story, probably a long one, but actually one that truly changed my outlook on humanity. In complete honesty, I remember, when all this concluded, thinking "All people are jerks, I guess." So, grab a fresh soda or cuppa because here's: THE BIGGEST JERK AT MCDONALD'S a discussion of the worst customer moment I experienced Our story begins with another manager, a very hard-working, no nonsense guy named Mark. One spring, Mark decides that it would be a nice idea to have a Pancake Breakfast special. For one morning, you could order the hotcakes (or hotcakes and sausage) and for the regular price you could keep coming back, as many times as you wished, for more hotcakes. A really good deal. Mark scheduled it for Good Friday, on the premise that the local schools all had off, so parents could bring their kids as a special treat on their day off. Sounds nice, right? We put up posters and signs all over the store a couple of weeks ahead of time. We had a regular customer, whose name currently escapes me, so we'll call her Helen. A nurse, she worked the overnight shift and came in several mornings a week on her way home. Each time she got an Egg McMuffin, without the ham. When a new employee once told her that she could have sausage or bacon instead, she politely informed him that she kept Kosher (which I later explained to him meant that she is Jewish and follows specific eating rules). On a side note, one Jewish friend once told me that if Helen actually kept Kosher, she should not have had the cheese on the egg, but others have told me that's not necessarily true, and I'm not here to debate Talmudic law. On the morning of the Pancake Breakfast, things were really hopping. For a weekday morning, even a holiday, things were busy. Helen came in, waited patiently in line, and then asked to speak to Mark. I was in the drive thru (explaining to people that the all-you-can-eat is for in the store only, and no, you can't have 18 pancakes for the price of one order) so I missed the very beginning of this, but heard the same story from several employees who didn't. The dialogue is recreated to the best of my memory, and while it might not be exactly accurate, the gist is. Mark: Hi Helen, what's up? Helen: I'm shocked that you'd do this Mark! Just shocked! Mark: What? I'm sorry, what's wrong?? Helen: This is anti-Semitic! Why would you do this? Mark: I, uh, what? Helen: How could you have a Pancake Breakfast today? Mark: I, well, the schools are out, and um, I don't know what you mean? Helen: It's PASSOVER! Mark: Yes? Helen: Everyone knows that Jews can't have pancakes during Passover!(Here's where I started paying attention, I didn't know that, and honestly, this is another one of those different answers from different sources.) Mark: Oh my God! I didn't know! (He really looked stricken) I swear, I had no idea. Helen: And in this heavily-Jewish area (it's not), with all your Jewish customers, you choose to have this deal when they can't take advantage of it. Mark: I wish I'd known, I'd have had it another day. I'm so sorry, really. I'm going to write you a coupon that you can come in whenever you want, any day and get this deal, okay? Helen: No, no that's not okay. I didn't know you were anti-Semitic! I mean, this big celebration of a Christian holiday and the Jews can't participate. That's really sickening, Mark. It's so mean and prejudiced! (I'm going to break in here to say that there were NO decorations of any kind in the store, certainly no crosses, Easter bunnies, any sort of religious anything. Also, the signs advertising this had been up, as mentioned, for weeks - on all the doors, as well as all around the store. There is no way that Helen could have missed them, unless she closed her eyes from the time she pulled her car into the parking lot until she left. I am also fairly sure, but not 100% that the signs didn't even say "Good Friday" just simply "Friday, April 5". Mark, far from being prejudiced, was one of the most fair-minded people I'd worked with - even though he had a hot temper. And now, back to our story. Also, one person pointed out that if Helen couldn't have the pancakes, she couldn't have the muffin, either, so why had she come in?) Mark: Helen, seriously, I had no idea. It's not for Good Friday, it's just the day we happened to pick. I really am sorry. Please let me give you the coupon and you can come back some other time for this. Helen: No. I want all I can eat eggs today. Mark: I can't do that. Eggs are too expensive and I can't afford to do that for everyone, if anyone else were to complain. Helen: See, I knew it's because you hate Jews. Mark: What? No, look the pancake batter is cheap, the eggs are expensive. Helen: Are you making fun of Jews now? Mark: No! I just can't afford to give you all you can eat eggs, it's too expensive for the store. But here, I'll give you the coupon like I said, plus, you can have an order of eggs free today. Just for you, because I know you. Helen: Unacceptable! The special is all you can eat! I want all I can eat, but it has to be eggs because I can't have the pancakes! You are doing this to persecute Jews! (honestly, that line, I remember because it was so outrageous.) Mark: Helen, I just can't do that. Here, I'll give you two coupons for all you can eat pancakes, and then you can bring a friend. Helen: FORGET THE DAMN PANCAKES! I don't like pancakes! Have I ever ordered pancakes? I want eggs! Yes, that's right. She didn't care about the so-called religious persecution, she just wanted free eggs, because she doesn't like pancakes. Now, at this point, she stormed out, yelling everyone's favorite exit line "I'm NEVER coming here again", which is almost always untrue. On my honor, the above is a fair representation of the entire transaction. Hours later, we got several phone calls from corporate offices: our district, region, even national offices- Helen had called them all, and told them how we were discriminating against Jews, and that we had ALL called her various ethnic slurs, but that Mark had been the ring leader, who started it and allowed us to taunt this poor innocent regular customer. It was so serious that a representative came to the store and interviewed us all separately, and a notation was made in Mark's file. That, dear friends, made a permanent mark on me as well. I felt myself change the day I heard how far this had gone. Helen did come back in, a few times, but found the service to be curt and unfriendly. As far as I know, no one ever spit in her food, or short-changed her or even said anything mean to her, but none of us even wanted to look at her. I never looked at people the same way again. It was April 5, 1996 - important enought to me that I still remember the date, a day that lives in my own personal infamy

Big Macs for Nothin' and Fries for Free

Welcome to the second part in my series on how working at McDonald's obliterated my faith in the human race. Part one is here. Oh, and let me clarify that I don't think this phenomenon is unique to the golden arches, that just happened to be the soul-killer at which I was employed. I'm going to assume any dealing-with-the-general-public position would've done the job equally well. I hadn't been working at Mickey D's all that long when it began to irk me how many people wanted or tried to scheme for freebies or discounts, and in some cases, just outright stole. The most common thievery I saw, and yes, it is stealing, took place at the coffee refill station. Two little hot plates with coffee pots, a small bin to hold cream (and ice to chill it), one small bin with sugar packets and one more with artificial sweeteners. Little old ladies were the ones to watch here; they'd buy their senior-priced coffee (27 cents at the time) drink it, and return to the refill station when they thought no one was watching. Then they'd dump the bin of artificial sweeteners into their purses and scurry off. Some would watch until we restocked it and try for a second batch. One woman had the gall to tell me "You're out of the blue packets here!" and tapped the counter, waiting for me to bring her more. I'm not a condiment package Nazi here, and if you take 4 and it turns out you only need three, that's fine. Keep the extra, use it some other time. But, taking handfuls, that really does cost the restaurant money and we all pay for that. It's stealing, just stop it. Any time we had a special going, people would try to twist the special and get more, or something else. For example, we used to have a special, about twice a year, that you got 2 Big Macs for $2. Got it? TWO Big Mac sandwiches, and you pay $2. Inevitably, this deal was not good enough for some of the customers. "I don't like the Big Macs, can I have the chicken sandwiches 2 for $2?" No. "I just want ONE Big Mac, so that's a dollar, right? No?? But I don't want two! I want one and that's not fair!" "I want the Big Mac meal and then a second Big Mac, with the discount. But I am getting two, I'm getting one in the meal and then the other one!" I dreaded these sales so much for just this reason. I spent half my time dealing with customers angry because we'd refused to customize the deal. Last, for this topic, were the fakers who created a reason to get free food. The worst example that I witnessed - a well-dressed, professional-looking woman came in and ordered a chicken sandwich meal, very politely, sat down and ate her food. She came up to me at the counter about a half hour later, a single bite's worth of her sandwich left. Customer: Look at this! My sandwich has a HUGE hair in it!! Me: looking from the long blond hair in her sandwich to her long blond hair Oh, uh, are you sure it, uh, came that way? Customer: Of course it did! Get your manager RIGHT NOW! This is disgusting; I should call the health department! Me: sigh One moment. I went to get Janet, the manager who was 12 hours into a double-shift and in no mood for this sort of crap. She took a look around the grill and then went to the counter Janet: Hi, I'm the manager, what can I do for you? Customer: Look at this hair in my sandwich! It's disgusting! I want my money back. Janet: What if I give you a coupon for a free sandwich next time you come back? Customer: No, I want my money back. I could have bitten into this! Look at it! Janet: Fine, fine, here you go . ..One dollar and ... Customer: I paid like five-something! Janet: I'm only refunding you for the sandwich, you ate the fries and had a drink. Customer: And now I feel sick because look at this hair in my food, I might throw up, you have to give me all my money back or I'm calling the health department. Janet: (has had enough) Okay, look, that is a long blond hair. No one here has a long blond hair but you. Jami and I are the only women working today (I had short red curls, Janet SUPER-short brown hair), so I'm pretty sure it's not from our employees. YOU, however have long blond hair. Customer: Men could have long hair. Or someone from this morning. You'd better give me my money. If I get sick, I'm calling my lawyer. Janet: And seeing as it is so "huge" and "disgusting" how could you have missed it the entire time you were eating until just the very last bite, which just happens to be the bite with the hair? I offered you a free sandwich AND I offered you a refund on your sandwich for a hair we all know you put in there. If you want to call the health department, your lawyer and the president, you go ahead. I'll be glad to tell whoever you called how you are so cheap you can't even pay for one (expletive deleted) chicken sandwich and instead had to pull out your own bleached blond hair and lie to a teenager about it. Customer: I'm never coming back here again! Janet: Thank God! Tell your friends! I always loved Janet.

Friday Feast

Feast One Hundred Thirty Six Appetizer Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why? I don't really have one. I don't like most of them - I feel they have all lost their credibility. How about Ron Burgandy? I'll chose him. Soup Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer. Soft pretzels, corn and Popsicles Salad If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it? Didn't we already have this one? Probably something that sounds funny, like "Wearerufrum". So, "Where are you from?" "Wearerufrum" "I asked you first." Main Course What will most likely be the next book you read? Dune - I just got it out of the library, on the advice of EDW. Dessert What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender? Probably eyes or voice. I also like hands.

Origins of the Cynic

I wrote here about my optimistic cynicism. Thinking about it, I think that the cynical side started with my first "real" job, working at McDonald's. So, now starts a who-knows-how-many part series on how working there destroyed my faith in the human race - or at least starte the downfall. The first thing that shocked me when I started working there, and bothered me the entire time I was employed there, was the assumption by many of the customers that if you work in fast food, you must be a complete moron. No need to deluge me with your stories of how some ding-dong at Wherever botched your order, gave you the wrong change and couldn't understand why you complained; I am most definitely not saying that all fast food workers are Mensa candidates and I have worked with my fair share of yahoos, however, don't start with the premise that you're talking to an idiot. When you do, and speak accordingly: "Okay, now listen closely - are you paying attention? I want a cheeeeeeeeesee-burrrr-gerr. Get it? a burger with cheese, okay?" you are just setting yourself up to get worse service. I never hurried to prove to someone that I wasn't as dumb as they thought. No, I didn't serve them (much) slower, but I certainly wasn't motivated to go above and beyond. And, while I never, never did this, there are people who will spit in your food if you upset them enough. I would have refused to serve someone food that had been so tainted and the one time I saw it happen, the perpetrator was immediately, instantly fired, but it does happen, so why risk catching someone on a bad day? The flip side to this coin are stupid customers (or ones who simply aren't paying attention) who choose to blame you for their incompetence. This is an actual conversation I had working in the drive thru: Customer: I want fries and McNuggets. Me: Did you want the value meal? Then you get a drink? C: No, I don't want that many fries, just a small fries. M: Okay, and how many McNuggets? 6, 9 or 20? (at the time you couldn't buy the 4-piece) C: What?? M: Did you want the 6 piece, 9 piece or 20 piece McNuggets? C: Just one. M: Um one? One McNugget? C: Yes. I just need one. M: I'm sorry, we don't sell them individually, the 6 piece is the smallest. C: I have to buy six?? M: If you want the kid's meal, it only comes with four. C: How big are these? M: Um, they are, I guess like an inch and a half, two inches long. C: But I am looking at the picture of the meal and it only has one and it looks regular-sized. The menu says "McNugget Sandwich" and the price. (The menu says "McChicken") M: Oh, you want a McChicken, the sandwich! I thought you said McNuggets. C:Yes, that's what I said, I want a McNugget Sandwich. McNugget. One McNugget Sandwich, just like on the sign here. M: Right, okay, pull around. C: Okay. You really should listen more closely.(Since there are always at least two people listening to the order, it was later confirmed that he always said McNugget.)

On a Day Like Today

It's cold and it's rainy/snowy and the Husband has the car. It's the kind of day that even though I rarely let Eddie eat in front of the TV, I'd consider letting both of us eat all three meals zombied-out in front of my old friend Mindless Box. In the pre-Eddie days, this would be a day that our lights would never come on. I'd make a big pot of tea and I'd have nachos for lunch. The TV would go on and when I got bored with TV, I'd turn it off and read by the just-enough ambient light from the windows. I'd probably work up enough energy to run a nice hot bubble bath and take my book there, maybe even take a Mike's Hard Lime with me and it would be one of those baths that you have to drain part of the water and add more hot because you've been in so long. I certainly wouldn't have spent any time dancing to a toy guitar or changing my socks three times (we are currently obsessed with socks, and trains). I wouldn't have sung the Itsy-Bitsy Spider with a Spider-Man who inexplicably has a little kid's voice. I wouldn't have read a four-word book six times. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I am more blessed than anyone has the right to be or even to hope to be. We are happy and healthy and our family is so full of love you couldn't even make a sit-com out of it, we just don't have enough problems. But some days, days like today when the lights are too bright and the outside too yucky, some days I miss being able to "go to ground" as my instinct tells me. I miss holing up in my the comforter I keep on the couch for just that reason and watch Law and Order episodes with plots that may be inappropriate for younger viewers. That is quintessential "Me", and it's one of the few things I miss.

Friday Feast

Feast One Hundred Thirty-Five Appetizer Name two things that made you smile this week. 1. The Pens staying in Pittsburgh 2. When I went to get Eddie up from his nap and he just wanted to cuddle. Soup Fill in the blank: Don't you hate it when ________? . . . you can tell someone isn't listening to you when you are explaining something to you then later they complain that you either didn't tell them or that you told them something wrong? Salad When you can't go to sleep, what is your personal remedy to help yourself drift into Lullabyland? I tell myself stories. If I have really bad insomnia, the absolute sure-fire cure is: -make a bowl of chicken noodle soup -eat soup with a glass of milk (in a darkened room) -get nice and warm and comfy, when filled with milk and soup and watch an old favorite movie with the sound *just* loud enough to hear. Main Course What is something about which you've always wondered but have not yet found a good answer? Why do some women want to marry a guy who clearly does NOT want to marry them?? Dessert What is your favorite pasta dish? Mac and Cheese, duh!! Other than that, I'll pretty much eat any pasta with any meat and any non-creamy sauce.

A Cynical Optimist

Today's title is the phrase a coworker used to describe me once; actually he said that I was the most cynical optimist he'd ever met, and something along the lines of not knowing that combination was possible. The reason for this description is my ceaseless hope and desire that people are somehow inherently good and they will act accordingly, coupled with my deep-seated belief that they aren't and won't. An example is celebrity marriages - for even the most impulsive and bizarre seeming matches, I fervently hope that the marriage will work out. Even Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley, when everyone was guessing the number of months (or days) before the inevitable divorce, I said things like "Maybe they both have had such strange lives that they actually somehow understand each other." And even though I have such a hopeful outlook for the unions, I'm never surprised when they don't work out. Sad, but not surprised. When you hear the stories of people who are suing over something ridiculous, tells of corruption, crimes, stupidity, I'm never shocked - just disappointed. I have faith in the human race's ability to be good, I just don't expect them to use it anytime soon.

Sorry This Took So Long . . .

But the beginning of Chapter 4 of my story is finally up, here. The beginning up to Chapter 4 is here.

When God Handed Out Brains . . .

Patrick posted this link to about two people who died when they got hit by not one, but TWO trains. This brings to mind a PSA (Public Service Announcement) which we had at one of the radio stations where I worked. The PSA, sent to us by some national foundation for something or other (possibly the preservation of idiots?) was a 90-second warning that you should NOT try to "beat" a train across the tracks, you should NOT stop or park on train tracks, and that you should NOT walk, play or anything else on train tracks. The ominous voice of the overly-serious announce went on to inform us that "In the United States, someone is hit by a train every 90 minutes". By the way, most of the PSA's were 30 seconds, apparently train warnings warrant triple time. I don't mean to make fun of someone else's grief, so if you lost a loved one to a horrific train-vs-car accident, please stop reading. . .. . For the rest of us - who needs to be told to not park or drive on train tracks?? If this bit of info is news to you, we are doing the human gene pool a grave disservice by telling you! And beating the train across the tracks - this is something that may be vaguely understandable in hormone-overloaded teenage boys who believe themselves to be immortal, but in my understanding this is not the "usual" person who dies in this situation. More likely is an experienced adult driver, though the driver in today's story was only 19, who decides that the flashing warning lights and lowering bar do not apply to him or her and that they'll just "zip around" and not have to endure the boring wait as the train passes. These people are idiots. Trains are HUGE. They weigh more than my house and you can't stop one, or even slow it down, just because someone has to make it to their hair appointment, business meeting or squash game. Other people who are hit often seem (to bystanders or surviving passengers) not to have realized a train was coming. In the rare event that you are crossing a set of tracks with no lights/bar, let me just say: trains are noisy, trains are big. It's not hard to slow down enough to ensure you have checked both directions to see if several tons of chugging steal and cargo is headed right for you. Also, most trains whistle at crossings. As Peter, Paul and/or Mary pointed out, you can hear the whistle blow a hundred miles. (This may be hyperbole.) My point is - let's start saving the human race today. No more PSA's. No more warning labels on hair dryers, toasters and lawn mowers. No more settlements/lawsuits for people who injured themselves in a way that makes people say "Well, duh, what did you think would happen?".

A Few Quickies

Not much time to blog today, but here's a few things that made me smile.

Overheard in the Beer Line at a hockey game: "I was pretty good at hockey and I probably could have gone pretty far, but I never learned to skate backwards."
Umm, how good were you, if you couldn't skate backward? Even a goalie needs to drift back sometimes

Also, at the hockey games I noticed that if there was a line that was all women, it was for the restroom. If a line was all men - it went to the beer-only stand.

On Cops - one woman accused another woman of selling her fake crack, yes, woman #1 told the police that she was trying to buy crack and that woman #2 had sold her baking soda instead of crack. Woman #2 standing next to her teenage son, drew herself up, insulted and indignant, and said "I do NOT sell crack! I'm a prostitute!"
Not at all an uncomfortable moment for her son. I'm sure no one at his school saw that nationally televised moment.

And a couple pics of Eddie:

Friday Feast

Feast One Hundred Thirty Four Appetizer What is your usual bedtime? Do you like that, or would you rather it be different? I usually manage to get into bed between 11p and midnight. I'd probably like to stay up later, but the baby refuses to sleep in until noon, so I guess I can't either. Soup When it comes to advice, do you give more or receive more? I probably give more. People often use me as a sounding board, and I have to say that I am fairly good at seeing what's around the corner, if I'm not too emotionally invested. Salad Describe a memorable meal you've had. We went on a cruise a couple years ago and the final night in the formal dining room two of the entree options were prime rib or giant lobster. I had both! Kumar, our waiter, also wanted me to have two desserts, but even I couldn't pack all that away. It was sooo good. And I miss Kumar. Main Course Name a work of fiction that affected the way you think about something. The Incarnations of Immortality series by Piers Anthony introduced me to the idea of things like death or time as offices filled by people, a fun concept to rattle around in your head. Dessert What is your favorite type of fruit juice? That changes with my mood. I'm very fond of regular grape juice, cran-grape, orange and pink grapefruit cocktail, not the straight juice.

A Bad Bleeping Habit

I need to learn to rein in the tongue. Probably most of you have heard me cuss, especially if you've heard me when I'm really mad. I have to admit, yelling out a good dirty word does make me feel better, which is probably why it's such a hard habit to break. I've been pretty good about curbing it now that I'm a mommy, though when I'm driving, all bets are off. I don't know what it is about driving that makes us all a little less patient and a little less forgiving to our fellow man. You might be shaking your head and declaring that you are as nice behind the wheel as you are in church, but I'd bet you'd be lying, at least a little. Of course, having my only child in the car while the idiots on the road threaten our lives daily does very little to help me calm my raging vocabulary. This leads to a concern. I don't want Eddie's first full sentence to be something like "AND what the &@%% is THIS moron doing??" I have horrible visions in my head of my grandmother saying "Hi, Eddie, how are you, sweetie?" and Eddie replying "Put down the (bleeping) phone and drive, jerk!" I don't think anyone will believe he learned that on Sesame Street.

If You're Headed to the Library . . .

Recently I did a post about books - basically, it was a nice long list and you marked which you'd read, which you hadn't but wanted to etc. It inspired me to create this list for you, my good friends, of books I recommend. I own many of these, and I have read them all several times. I tried to choose just one from each series that I loved, because I could probably fill this list up with 2 or 3 favorite authors, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. There are a couple children's books,too, but they're the ones I could still read now and enjoy. So, without more hype and in no particular order - Here's . . . 65 Books I Loved 1. Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe (Flagg) 2. A Spell for Chameleon (Anthony) 3. To Kill a Mockingbird (Lee) 4. The MasterHarper of Pern (McCaffrey) - provided you read the Pern series, can't start with this one 5. The Blue and the Gray: A Novel (Leekly) 6. Small Sacrifices (Rule) 7. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles (Wrede) 8. Q-in-Law (David) 9. Dave Barry's Complete Guide To Guys (Barry) 10. The Kitchen God's Wife (Tan) 11. A Wrinkle in Time (L'Engle) 12. Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook (Piven, Borgenicht & Deweese) 13. The Girlfriends' Guide to the Toddlers (Iovine) 14. Mythology 101 (Nye) 15. Sleeping with the Enemy (Price) 16. A Christmas Carol (Dickens) 17. The Essential Calvin and Hobbes (Watterson) 18. The First Wives' Club (Goldsmith) WAY meaner than the movie 19. On a Pale Horse (Anthony) 20. The Undomestic Goddess (Kinsella) 21. The Buck Passes Flynn (McDonald) 22. Freedom's Landing (McCaffery) 23. Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born (Curtis) 24. Kramer Vs. Kramer (Corman) Way, way, way better than the movie 25. Summer Sisters (Blume) 26. The Pistachio Prescription (Danziger) 27. The Dilbert Principle (Adams) - not a comic collection 28. Alta (Lackey) 29. The Princess Bride (Goldman) Snarkier and funnier than the movie 30. The Han Solo Trilogy (Crispin) 31. Army Survival Manual FM21-76 (Dept. of Defense) 32. Little Town on the Prairie (Ingalls Wilder) - my favorite of the series when I was younger 33. The Ten Commandments: The Significance of God's Laws in Everyday Life (Schlessinger, Vogel) 34. Being Human (David) Must read whole series, but this is probably my favorite 35. Pride and Prejudice (Austen) 36. The Stand (King) and probably the only one of his I would re-read at this point 37. Really Bad Girls of the Bible (Curtis Higgs) 38. The Boxcar Children (Warner) 39. Tears of Rage (Walsh) 40. Alanna (Pierce) 41. Ghosts of Hopewell (Fisher) 42. Delta Style (Burke) 43. The Pinballs (Byars) 44. How to Survive the Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion (Wilson) 45. Ramona the Pest (Cleary) 46. Starving for Attention (Boone O'Neill) 47. Sorcery and Cecelia or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot (Wrede, Stevermer) 48. The Outsiders (Hinton) 49. The Case for Faith (Strobel) 50. Confess, Fletch (McDonald) 51. Nothing's Fair in Fifth Grade (DeClements) 52. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (Haddon) 53. Return of the King (Tolkein) you have to slog through the first one, the second is better, this one is great. Didn't see the movie. 54. Curly Girl (Massey) Only for those with curls 55. How To Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way (Campbell) Mine's autographed! 56. Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance to Punctuation (Truss) 57. The Shadow Sorceress (Modesitt) 58. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Adams) 59. Babyhood (Reiser) 60. 100 Most Dangerous Things in Everyday Life (Lee) 61. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Rowling) 62. Flowers in the Attic (Andrews) 63. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Dahl) 64. Fractal Mode (Anthony) 65. Spike and Dru: Pretty Maids All in a Row (Golden) I tried to make it to 100, I really did. I could have made it easily listing all the Anne McCaffrey, Ann Rule, Piers Anthony and Gregory McDonald books, but what would be the point? So, hope this gives you something to look for next time you need something to read.

Eddie and Me Vs. The Cherry Tomatoes

Cherry and grape tomatoes are very tricky, sly - sneaky, even. They look like they should be delicious, sweet and juicy, like, well, cherries or grapes. And yes, I know that they are so named for just that reason. However, they taste like raw tomatoes - yuck! You'd think, with those names, they'd at least be cherry or grape flavored, though that probably would not be much better. Every so often, I am fooled by their delicious appearance I think Something that looks that good must taste good. And even though I know that it's going to taste gross, I take a bite, and somehow I am mildly surprised that they still are yucky. This weekend, when we were at a restaurant, the Husband had a salad which came with cherry tomatoes. As soon as Eddie spotted them, he stretched and grasped and waaaaaannnntted them. I told him he wouldn't like them. He insisted. I gave him one and I wish I had a picture of the confused expression on his face when he bit into it and discovered that it was indeed, a tomato. Apparently, this ongoing battle will be passed onto my children. Now, you might say "But Jami, tomatoes are delicious!" and you'd be right, provided that they are cooked, and/or part of a sauce. Raw tomatoes are not delicious; in fact, allow me to quote a professional chef I know who says "Uncooked tomatoes taste like snot with skin". That's a person trained in the art of cuisine, not just some schmo like me. And let's not even get started on the whole vegetable/fruit thing. Tomatoes - not to be trusted.

Book Meme

Thanks, Paperback Writer, for the meme. * Look at the list of books below. * Type "READ" beside the ones you've read. * Type "WANT TO" beside the ones you'd like to read. * Leave blank the ones that you aren't interested in. * Type "AGAIN AND AGAIN" beside the ones you could read again and again. * "Tried" for those books that you've tried to read...again and again. (This one Rob put in!) * "??" For those books you haven't heard of (This one, PW put in!) * Type "Maybe" for the ones you might read, but wouldn't miss if you didn't (I added this one) 1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown) 2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) Read 3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee) Again and Again 4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell) Tried 5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien) Read 6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien) Read 7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien) Read 8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery) Read 9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon) ?? 10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry) ?? 11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling) Again and again 12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown) 13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling) Again and again 14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving) Maybe - updated Read 15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden) Want to 16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Rowling) Again and again 17. Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald) ?? 18. The Stand (Stephen King) Again and again (as if there were time) 19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling) Again and again 20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte) Read 21. The Hobbit (Tolkien) Read 22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger) Want to 23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott) Read 24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold) Maybe 25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel) Maybe 26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams) Again and Again 27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte) Read 28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis) Read 29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck) Not after Grapes of Wrath!! 30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom) 31. Dune (Frank Herbert) Maybe 32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks) Read 33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand) Tried to 34. 1984 (Orwell) Read 35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley) Maybe 36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett) ?? 37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay) 38. I Know This Much is True(Wally Lamb) 39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant) ?? 40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho) ?? 41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel) Read 42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini) ?? 43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella) Read 44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom) 45. Bible Again and Again 46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy) Maybe 47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas) Want to 48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt) Tried 49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck) Read 50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)?? 51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)?? 52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens) Read 53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card) Want to 54. Great Expectations (Dickens) Read 55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald) Again and again 56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)?? 57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling) Again and again 58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough) Maybe 59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood) Want to 60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)?? 61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky) 62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand) Tried 63. War and Peace (Tolsoy) 64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice) 65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)?? 66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)Maybe 67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares) Read 68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller) 69. Les Miserables (Hugo) 70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery) Read 71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding) Read 72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez) Maybe (because of Serendipity) 73. Shogun (James Clavell) 74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje) 75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett) Want to 76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)?? 77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith) Maybe 78. The World According To Garp (John Irving) Want to 79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence) ?? 80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White) Again and again 81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)?? 82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck) Read 83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier) ?? 84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind) Want to 85. Emma (Jane Austen) Read 86. Watership Down(Richard Adams) Maybe 87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley) Want to 88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)?? 89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)?? 90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer) 91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje) 92. Lord of the Flies (Golding) Read 93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck) Read 94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd) 95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum) 96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton) Again and Again (and again) 97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch) Maybe 98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford) 99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)?? 100. Ulysses (James Joyce) Tried to

Eye C Fine

So, I'm just back from the eye doctor. You see, I wear those disposable lenses and I'm out. I went to order them from the nice online place that sends them to me, and they won't send me anymore - the doctor's office won't renew my prescription since it's been more than 4 years. FIRST - will someone please tell me why it is that I need an new prescription for fricking contact lenses??? It's not like I'm addicted to them or selling them on the black market. I'm not freebasing the lenses, and as far as I'm aware, there's not a lot of call on the street for illegal lenses. I know my prescription hasn't changed, I can still read the program guide on the little TV from my bed, so I know that I'm fine. But no. It's the Man trying to keep me down. SECOND - seriously, in this world of extreme technology, of laser surgery, of super-robots, is the best we can do for vision testing "Better? or Worse? One ... or two?" I have to believe that there is some scientific way that my eyes can be tested to determine what strength glasses it is; one that doesn't require me to stare at a row of letters while a seemingly endless stream of barely discernibly different options are presented to me. And by the way - I was right, my prescription hasn't changed, but I had to spend $50 and an hour and half for them to tell me that.

Friday Feast

Feast One Hundred & Thirty Three Appetizer What does the color pink make you think of? Frilly-girly-ness Soup Name something you thought you had lost, but later found. This has happened several times with earrings, which is why I never toss out unmatched ones. Salad In 3 words, describe this past week. Good, relaxed, fun Main Course What are you obsessed with? Diet Coke, reading, Weird Al, and strangely Snakes on a Plane. Dessert What kind of perfume or cologne do you like to wear? I have a few that the Husband bought because he likes them. I think one is CK be, and I don't know about the rest of them. One is pink, one is gold and one is in a solid black opaque bottle. I wear whichever one's color best matches my outfit (honest).

When the Music Moves You

I get obsessed with songs now and then. I can listen to it over and over and over (when no one's around to be annoyed). I hear the music even when it's off, I have the lyrics in my head all the time. Lately I've been getting that way with the entire Scrubs soundtrack, which I got for Christmas. A mostly mellow, occasionally downer album, it's got some great stuff on it, probably not much you'd be familiar with, even if you do watch the series. I'm not certain, but I think this is from the first season, maybe first and second. Sometimes songs inspire a sort of video in my head - kind of like, if I were a music video director, this is what I'd film. But one song on this album, "Good Life" by Francis Dunnery, is so achingly, longingly beautiful that after I listened to it a couple of times and got the lyrics in my head, I want to write a movie that will feature this song in the big emotional climactic moment. Clearly, this movie would not have a happy ending, or at best, a bittersweet one. Lyrics are here, you can hear a sample of it going to the Amazon page and scrolling down. Why do some songs really speak to us and others not: the music, the lyrics, the mood when we first heard it? Would I love this song as much with a different melody? Maybe we all have "the one that got away": the person we left because we knew we weren't right together, even if we wanted it to be. Of course, I know several people who married that person instead of letting them get away, believe me, it leads to bigger sorrow, but not better songs. Maybe the rest of the album got me in the mood to hear this song, if it had been the first one on the disk, maybe I'd think "Man, that's kind of depressing" and move on. Good songs are an intricate fusion of just the right sound, rhythm, melody, lyrics and voice. They make you wonder where the songwriter was (in several respects) and stay with you in a more meaningful way than the bubblegum ones that just get stuck in your head.