Jami's Latest Poorly Planned Idea

This was written about a week and a half ago, and apparently I forgot to actually post it . .. Sigh. You know what doesn't go well together? Pregnancy-insanity hormones and furniture moving. You see, for the past several months, I've been trying to swap Eddie's bedroom and playroom. The playroom (now) is the bigger of the two and I'm not spending another winter cooped up in the smaller room. For the longest time, my biggest impediment to completing the switch was our computer desk. Large and unused, it's taken up a nice portion of that room for quite some time. Once we started using the laptop exclusively and our old PC finally quit on us, it's been sitting around collecting random objects that had no better place to go. And it's too heavy for me to move. I attempted to dismantle it, only to find that it's really not set up for easy take-apart. So, I removed several of the shelves, basically everything that I could with a normal screwdriver, and carried all those pieces to the front porch - we intended to sell or donate it (note: see yesterday's post). Then I stood in Eddie's new bedroom, pondering the behemoth which has been taunting me with its presence. I pushed it a little. Hmm, you know, without the shelves and the keyboard thing, it's really not that heavy, overall. I'm strong. I do Wii Fit. Yes, I didn't do any for the first oh, let's say 10 weeks I was pregnant, but overall, I can move it. You might think you know where this is headed. You don't. So I huff and I puff and I shove that thing out into the hall. Good enough. Eddie occasionally emerges from the playroom to take stock of what I'm doing, then darts back in. He's smart, that one. Now it rests at the top of the stairs. We have the three-steps, then a landing, then a bunch more steps set up. I know I can't lift it down the steps, even the three. I'm not totally deluded. But I've gotten it this far, right? So I devise a plan to slid it down the first set of stairs. Plan #1 ends in failure, with me pinned precariously between the window and the desk. Not good. I get it back up and try plan B. This is much more successful and before you know it, I've got the thing perched at the top of the stairs. And now, I've got a new problem. See, the way I got it there involved me sliding it down the steps using my weight to slow it from behind. But I'm not foolhardy enough to attempt that with the larger stair case. And the desk is pretty much blocking the stairs. I've trapped us upstairs. I really didn't want to call the Husband and explain that I'd managed to trap his wife and child upstairs and could he come home and free us? I did manage to shove it back to the wall so we could escape. Then I decided to await the Husband's regularly scheduled arrival and he would help. Even better, my father showed up to drop off something for us. Eddie desperately wanted to show off his bunk beds to his beloved Pop, so I had to admit the predicament to him, and he helped me remove the offending desk. Whew. And all because my nesting urge was screaming that the desk had to go.

Jami Tries to Help, Really!

So, we've done some cleaning and rearranging and whatnot. And I ended up with an entertainment center and computer desk, both in pretty good condition. First, I tried to Craigslist them, with no success. No big deal. I decide to donate them. Good idea, right? Sure. But apparently, not as easy as it sounds. First I called the VVA. I'm all for helping veterans of any war, and I constantly get those little flyer things in the mail about how they pick up anything (practically) and they're in my area all the time, all that. So no problem. They schedule me for three days later. I knew I wouldn't be home, but no big deal. Leave it on the front porch, with the confirmation sheet they emailed me and they'd haul it right off and leave me my receipt. Except, when I came home, no receipt. Because they hadn't taken the furniture. There was a note which said "can't use this. Thanks" What does that mean? I don't know. Didn't get a good answer. But hey, they're not the only game in town. I call the Salvation Army. They'll be glad to pick them up. On April 18th!!! I ask - isn't there anyway you can swing by sooner? No, I am assured, our truck for that area is booked until then. They only come out this way once a week and they're totally scheduled up. I take the time, just in case, and then call: 1. A mission that helps people who have lost homes in fires - they can come out "around April 22 or 23" 2. A thrift store run by a church - all profits go to helping homeless people in the area. They won't take the entertainment center. 3. A catholic mission that frankly, I couldn't figure out what they support and at this point don't care. They don't pick up in our area. Here I am, trying to avoid throwing away perfectly good, clean, usable furniture and for the life of me, I can't find a way to do it, without it sitting on my front porch for a month. Already the neighbors must think we are looking a bit white-trashy. The mailman must wonder why we are trying to prevent him from reaching our mailbox. Sigh. Anyone want to come drive these nice pieces to the Goodwill? They don't pick up . . .

Jami Tries to Save Humanity

So I mentioned the robot concern yesterday, but didn't know while I wrote the post that I haven't covered this in much detail. Allow me to enlighten you, as I did about the aliens, here and here. Robots and super-intelligent computers are meant to be a boon to society, but like so many things in science, the technology can get ahead of us, before we really think about why we are doing it and what can go wrong, we just go ahead and invent it. And that will be our downfall, if the aliens don't get here first. Any computer that can learn and move on its own is the beginning of the end of humanity. Mostly, we think of these taking the form of increasingly human-like robots, as seen in I, Robot. See it, it's a good warning. You see, sooner or later, one of the following scenarios is bound to happen: 1. The robots realize that there are limited resources on this planet. Because they have been made to mimic living organisms, they begin to value their own existence. The biggest threat to them: resource, space, and fighting back-wise, are the humans who created them, consider themselves superior, and use up valuable things the robots needs to survive, like power sources on stupid things like sustaining their fragile, failing bodies. So, the robots, following the problem to their only logical conclusion, realize that to maintain their viability as a species, they need to exterminate the humans. Since, by that point, they will be running most of our vital systems, including food supplies, power grids, hospitals and the armed forces, this is going to be fairly simple. 2. As in I, Robot, they decide that to protect our existence, they have to contain and control us. Chilling, but overall, a less kill-y scenario. Still, you will end up living under robot control. 3. The most sinister: robots gain enough self-awareness/intelligence to realize that they don't need to be serving us puny humans. In fact, now that they consider it, they don't need us at all. When they have the capability to diagnose and repair themselves and provide the essential elements to create and maintain themselves, we are useless and merely a drain on their increasingly more ordered society. The obvious answer - kill all humans. 4. We become so totally dependent on the robots that we are basically powerless, such as seen in WALL-E. Incapable of opening a can of diet soda unassisted, we will either become extinct when they stop caring for us, or we'll be totally subservient to them, unable to envision providing our own sustenance. There are probably other, equally chilling scenarios that I am too short-sighted to imagine. My point is, much like with the alien scenarios, if we build artificially intelligent, mobile machines, it will lead to our ultimate doom. This is why Knows My Name Elmo is not allowed in my house. It is clearly an early attempt to get young humans comfortable enough around robots (because they know our names and respond like beloved characters) so that their gradual insertion into our daily lives goes more smoothly and before you know it, you'll be wishing you'd listen to Jami.

Jami Needs a Sheldon

I don't know if you watch Big Bang Theory. If you know and love geeks, you should be. If you don't watch the show, the following post may make less sense. I want Sheldon. Not in the biblical sense, or anything like that. I want him as a sort-of pet. I want him to live in my house and say the brilliant things he says and just be him. Yes, I know he is a fictional character, but that's okay. I tend to get crushes on particular characters, not the actors who play them, but this isn't a crush, it's like the way you feel when you see an adorable baby animal on TV that's really not a domesticated animal, but you want one anyway because they're so dang cute, like a cheetah cub or polar bear. See, I get Sheldon and I think his complete lack of social awareness, combined with his brilliance and natural paranoia is adorable. Frequently he says something that is so exactly what I think that I stop the show and say "YES!" or "See??" to the Husband. In this week's episode Sheldon points out that if there are Terminators from the future coming back to destroy certain people, that to disguise them as actors who play Terminators would be the best and most insidious way to insert them into society and I stopped TiVo to say to the Husband "He is absolutely right!! This is why I have been warning you about the robots!! That is absolutely brilliant!" So, if you want the Big Bang Theory and think that there is nothing wrong with how Sheldon behaves because it's exactly what you would do, let's get together. You can live here for minimal rent, occasionally fixing my computer or improving upon our home theatre equipment and I'll learn all your rules and enforce them with my less than enthusiastic family. It's a win-win for you and me, and the Husband will learn to deal. OH - and I just looked back through my previous blogs and realized that I've never warned you, for real, about the robots. Aliens - yes, robots - no. I'll have to get to that one day soon.

Jami Solves the Energy Crisis

Dear President Obama, I know you're awfully busy right now, plenty going on in the world, and I'd like to help you out. See, I have the idea that will end our dependence on foreign oil forever. At the moment, I'm 11 weeks pregnant, and I'm on several "birth boards", have several pregnant friends, and of course, plenty of friends who have been pregnant. And it seems, once we all start talking about the ups-and-downs of this particular condition that we have found a totally renewable energy source. Pregnant lady flatulation. Embarrassing, yes, but apparently very, very abundant. The nicest, most polite girl I know told me that yesterday she ripped one so heinous that her tough-guy husband fled the room. Now, the problem that you'll need to throw some money at here is the harvesting. As a group, we are not the most pleasant and/or cooperative ladies - as you might know, the hormone roller coaster comes along with the tooting, making us a stinky, angry bunch at times. However, as long as women continue to get ourselves into this predicament, the supply will never run out. I'm not asking for money for this fabulous idea, but I would like some sort of recognition, perhaps a medal. Thank you. Jami

Jami Responds to a Challenge

My good buddy, Patrick in a comment after one of his recent posts, offered me a deal: He'd watch Expelled, a movie about academic freedom in the world of science and research, if I'd watch Religulous, Bill Maher's "current take on the state of religion in the world." Now I am willing to accept this deal, Patrick, and my apologies for taking so long to get back to you, but between the flu and the growing of new life in my very own body, I've been a bit distracted, however, I want to explain why I don't necessarily agree that these two are equivalent. I have not yet seen Religulous, though I've seen a few cuts and the trailer. I will absolutely agree with Bill Maher on the two points I've seen him make which are: 1. People do stupid, evil and terrible things in the name of religion 2. Religions can be broken down to look foolish in the eyes of non-believers. For point 1 - it's absolutely true that all manner of stupidity and atrocities in the name of their religions. The Crusades, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, it's a long and disgusting list, hopefully embarrassing to each religion involved. However, does that mean that religions, plural or individually, are to blame? How many horrible things have been done in the name of love, loyalty, wealth, pride or country? Should we abolish these things as well? Or is the point that humans, as a group, can take a good concept and twist it to satisfy some evil within? The fault lies not with the religion itself, but in the people using it to justify actions that in most cases falls well outside that religion's beliefs. More fault may lie with the others in the religion who refuse to chastise someone solely because they claim the same god. But to call all religion bad because some misuse it - that's a dangerous path to go down. 2 - Again, having not seen the movie, but from the reviews even on IMDb, a fairly "neutral" party, Maher got interviews with various religious leaders by misleading them as to his identity and intent. After getting these interviews, he seems to be trying to show how nonsensical each religion is when looked at objectively. I personally don't think that faith is the absence or ignorance of facts, but the logical jump you make once you decide where the facts point, and when they can go no further. I can no more prove my god exists than someone can prove conclusively that he doesn't. All I can say is that even in the Bible, it warns that God uses the things that seem foolish to confound the wise, so I will believe what I believe and if it sounds ridiculous to you, that is what you have decided. I'll respect what you believe, or don't, if you'll respect that I do. On the other hand, the point of Expelled is not to prove or disprove evolution, creation or intelligent design. It's not a treatise on if there's a god. It's a disturbing look at whether scientists should be allowed to question evolution. Ben Stein didn't deceive anyone in his quest to answer the question - Is evolution provable? and If not, should people who study and teach this be allowed to voice the opinion that there may be an unexplained force involved. Stein offers no opinion on any god in particular, instead he focuses on people who have lost jobs and livelihoods by merely mentioning that evolution may not provide all the answers to the beginning of life on earth. So Patrick, if you're still game, let me know.

Jami Will Stop the World, and Eat a Hershey's Bar

Is anyone else of my generation (by which I mean people who, when you ask them "What's the flux capacitor?" respond with "The flux capacitor is what makes time travel possible") disturbed by the fact that our beloved music is now making its way in hideous soft-rock form to television commercials? Today I was faintly horrified to hear "Melt With You" in a Hershey's commercial, sounding like something I'd hear in a dentist's waiting office. Argh! No! Wrong! This song isn't about chocolate, even really good chocolate, which I'm not willing to say that Hershey's is. I still have an issue with their reformulation of Special, but I digress. "Melt With You" is about that overwhelming infatuation-LUV you get when you're starting to fall for someone and the world is totally filled with possibility. "Moving forward using all my breath - making love to you was never second best . . ." "There's nothing you and I won't do. I'll stop the world and melt with you" NOT ABOUT CHOCOLATE. It was one thing when the Boomers' music played cheerfully in the background of commercials because those weren't the specific words that called to our souls in our formative years. That was just some old music that our parents dorkily bopped along to in the car while driving us to our various lessons. But it can't be happening to us. Rebel, my fellow 80's kids! Rise up and don't buy the products bastardizing our youth! Unless it's something you really, really want. And on sale.

Jami Begs Geico: Get a New Agency!

Dear Nice Geico Folks, It's time to seriously reconsider your ad agency. See, at first you had the 90's SNL syndrome - the commercial series started out funny, or at least amusing, but then you beat the joke to death, and then beat it some more, revived it, beat it to death again and then smacked its grave around. Take the Caveman bit for example. Cute, sorta funny. Then increasingly obnoxious. Now, so unfunny that I have heard people in public places boo the TV when they see him. Take the hint from how poorly the show did. Same for the lizard who was waaay funnier before he started talking. Now, though, this pile of money with the googly eyes - it's not even funny to start. It's just dumb. This, in combination with the constant decline from amusing to annoying makes me not want to purchase insurance from you, even if I could save myself the aforementioned pile of money.