Right, but Wrong?

If you have to go, go now, folks, I think this'll be a long one. It might even be a 2-parter! The past couple of weeks, I've had several conversations with different people about different people, but the same basic concept. A person who does something good, right, worthy of praise, but for reasons that are less than noble. Generally these conversations take the form of "You know he only did <good deed> because <reason>. " I tend to agree, yes, isn't it wrong that someone would do that for selfish, self-serving reason. But my question for you, my loyal, moral friends, family and fans, is - is it? If the good deed gets done, the beneficiary is benefited and the world is a little bit nicer, does it matter why? Let's look at totally made up examples, conglomerating (yes, I know that's not a word) all the folks recently brought to my attention. Hannah is a very nice older lady who never had kids of her own and volunteers with difficult children. You know, the one everyone else has thrown up their hands and walked away from. She's got an excellent track record of helping future felons become charming, well-behaved kiddies. But she doesn't do it for the kids. Yes, she learns to love them, gets to know them and their lives and their family and she does care, but really, she does it because of the payoff - local organizations recognize her and give her plaques and things at special dinners in her honor. She gets her picture in the paper. People always say things like "You're such a wonderful person; those kids are lucky to have you!" Parents, teachers and community leaders applaud her. And she digs it. When you talk to her, she always manages to drop a mention of something she's given up for her work or how much time she's put in, or how one of her kids told her "how I saved them from a life of crime - or worse!" Because she knows you'll tell her again how wonderful she is. So - what do you think? The kids are still reached, no one else wanted to do it, and Hannah gets her glory, which is what she really wanted. Is it wrong? Big companies donate big dollars - we all know it's for positive PR and a nice tax break, but does that mean the charities appreciate the money less? If it goes toward curing cancer or housing the homeless, doesn't that make it a great thing, even if it was given with a different, calculated purpose? One more: Frank has a crush on Mabel, but she's into "good guys" and he's a basically selfish dude. He finds out she's going to spend Saturday at Habitat for Humanity, so he buys new "old" sweats, signs up and finds his hammer. They spend a lovely day building a house and she agrees to go out with him because even though he didn't really lie, he led her to believe this is the sort of thing he does all the time. So, the work, good though it was - that's sort of a lie. It makes him a little dishonest - BUT - what if he has to keep it up to keep Mabel? Now he's doing one Saturday a month, for whatever reason - isn't that laudable? What if because of that he starts to really enjoy it, and even after Mabel ditches his sorry butt, he keeps volunteering? So what do you say? Right action, wrong motive, does it matter? Please comment, I'm interested to see what people think. And yup, I think this'll be a 2-parter, with some more of my thoughts about this, as it percolates.

The Mean People Next Door

Our office just got new neighbors. I usually try not to rush to judgment (starting, of course, from the point that strangers are generally dangerous and to be avoided when possible), but already I can tell we are not going to be best buddies. And it's them, not us. My company consists of 4 full-timers, 2 part-timers and one "consultant" who was a VP until a few weeks ago when he went to work at a real company just because they are stable and make money and stuff. So, we only have half of an office space. The other half was empty, but now we have neighbors moving in. First they did all kinds of noisy construction, but for that, I can forgive. THEN they took our kitchen (okay, it is technically on their side, but now we're not allowed to use it). THEN they locked the door to their side, blocking our access to the side door, making us take the long way in and out of the building. THEN, they started badgering Tim and Greg with questions they don't know the answers to: "Where do the phone lines come into the building? What do you mean you don't know??" NOW they are walking through our office, all the time, because to get to the bathroom, they have to walk through us. You see how unfair it is? They can block our exit, but we have to let them through to pee. It's disconcerting to be in a locked office area and keep having strangers stroll by. I face the door (never liked anyone sneaking up behind me), so I see them coming and going. I give them the "I know you're a stranger" polite half-smile so they know I'm watching them. I've considered announcing them as they go by "Gonna go pee again? Geez, buddy, you been to the proctologist lately?" I'll try to make friends, I always do, even though it seems they don't want to be friends with us. Of course, they haven't heard Tim singing How's Your News yet, either.

Pork Chop, Cookie and Roy

I hope the title caught your attention. Names are important, aren't they? I mean, when people find out you're having a child, one of the first things they ask is "Do you have names picked out?" What your parents rarely get to pick is what people actually call you. I'm not just talking about Eddie instead of Edward. I mean not-your-name nicknames - these fall into two groups, "Things" and "other names". Things are, well, things - not names. Like Bunny, Pumpkin and Spike. "Other names", are the ones that aren't really your name, but are still a name - Babs, Butch, Smitty, etc. The reason this comes to mind is that Coworker Tim and I recently named another coworker "Pork Chop". Pork Chop is a very nice lady who comes in twice a week and complains that our company has no money. She shares a given name with a woman who Tim and I are not particularly fond of. When we discuss the second woman, Pork Chop was getting perturbed, thinking we were talking about her. So, we decided (more me and Tim) that she needed a nickname. Thus, if we say <real name deleted> we don't mean her, and if we say "Pork Chop" we do. I think it's cute and fun, and she's not fat, so it's not a piggy joke. We'd suggested "Bubbles" which she flat out rejected, and then, when I suggested "Cookie" (it must have been nearing lunch), she balked - "It's someone else's nickname." Me: "Everything is someone else's nickname." After much prodding, Pork Chop's admits that her husband's friends call him Cookie, and she doesn't know why. I can't believe this. If someone called the Husband "Cookie", I'd sure as heckfire know why, and possibly before agreeing to marry him. But she won't even guess. Once she'd admitted this bizarre and personal fact, she was so flustered that when Tim said "How about Pork Chop?" She readily agreed. I hope it sticks. I have a history of giving people nicknames that stick, including Roy who is actually a woman named Amy. Good nicknames have a good story, and are something you can live with being called. I won't tell you the story of Roy here, it's already getting too long, and I also could share a funny story for a guy named Huff and a really "needs work" story for Sparky. My Phi Sigma Pi nickname was "Frieda" (which never really stuck) - props to anyone who can figure out why. Someday I'll discuss the pain of having a name that IS a nickname. . . .

Several Quick Notes

Whoo, so many things going on, I have an idea for a more coherent entry, but first, a few quick things. Thanks to Paperback Writer who not only wrote extremely nice things about me, but also posted a picture of me to go with them. PW is one of those people that I just decided I was going to make be my friend, and I don't know if she remembers this or not, but I think it started when I invited her to go to the deli for a sandwich. I am sooooo glad I did, because we are frequently on the same frequency . .. Congrats to Monica and Joe who had a beautiful son, Nathan, Monday afternoon. Monica either had history's easiest labor or super-drugs because not only did she describe the process as "a few painless hours" and "not comfortable", but also, in the picture she sent from the hospital, (you know the one, where the woman usually looks like she just wrestled a Kreemorian Fangor Beast and won, but barely) Monica has perfect hair and perfect make-up!! If she tells me what they gave her, I'll post it here for any Future Mommies, so you know what to ask for ;-) And lastly, I'm in Pittsburgh's FreeCycle, which is a loose association of people who give stuff away for free instead of throwing it out. You can give away stuff, and you can request something you need. This morning I saw a post for "WANTED: Machete". Now, I am sure there was a TOTALLY rational explanation in the post, but me, I prefer to leave it my imagination. You just never know when you're going to need a machete. Check back later for Pork Chops and Cookies.

Props to the Movie Guys

Hey folks, Check out my new friends the Two Movie Guys: http://2movieguys.blogspot.com/ who have a fun movie review site, and, in their wisdom, have recognized my awesomeness. Drop by, read a good review and leave them a nice comment. I'll leave their site up here ------> for if you want to check it out later.

Jami Cracks Under the Pressure of Blogging

As mentioned in a previous post, I remember dreams every night. As many of you know, when something stressful is approaching I usually dream that something about it went very, very bad (remind me to tell you the one about the Christmas play with the "charred corpses of our enemies . . ."). And, if you didn't notice yet, I'm a big dork. No, really, it's okay, I know. So I started this blog and thought "no one will want to read my randomness, and that's fine" but then - a few people read and - BAM! I'm a glory hog (which we also all knew). Two or three comments and now I want the whole world to read it, and comment (positively, of course). I check it all the time to see if there are new comments. Like the first time you had an email account and you checked it every minute to see if there was email - that's me. This all ties together because last night the blogging invaded my dreams. In my dream, my dear friend who posts as Paperback Writer was copying my posts to her new blog, almost as soon as I'd posted them here. And, since PW is way cooler and more popular than I am, tons of people were reading and giving her glowing comments. It was sooo cruel. PW assures me she would never do this (which I already knew), but it was still disturbing. The pressure of being this funny (and yes I realize this one wasn't that funny) must be too much for me. And I'll be back in 5 minutes to see if you've commented. Please say something nice, I need the sleep . . .

Now I know I'm a Winner

I love getting the emails from Publisher's Clearing House. Remember when they sent you paper mail and it said something like "You may already be a winner!!!"? Well, in the emails, they get more creative, and I have to tell you, I look forward to seeing what they think of next. Today's made me laugh out loud. It started off by telling me that they like to film the winner's reactions, so they can use that as a commercial later. However, the "last winner" had a reaction that was "not exciting". To prevent this for when I win, they sent me a little script. If, when I win, I say the lines they sent, they will give me an extra $5 thousand. So, here I am at the front door - they've got a check with my name on it for TEN MILION DOLLARS, but if I say "(Excited) I just won ten million dollars from Publishers Clearing House! Now I know it's real!" they will give me another measely 5 grand. I think the "(Excited)" is stage direction, but I plan to say it when they are there, to be sure there are no legal loopholes to prevent me getting my extra $5K. Other recent ones include: "Someone with the initials <my initials> is GUARANTEED to win!!" In tiny print, at the end, it says that the prize may be $100. One said that I was going to win some very bizarre amount, like $1,445,962.36, because they had calculated the taxes I'd pay on the winnings and that would still leave me with an even million. "Please confirm your address so we don't get lost on the way to your house!" I assume they're going to use MapQuest. I should probably let them know about the construction blocking our street. "If WPXI is not your local station, inform us right away - we like to bring the local news with us when we deliver the $10million grand prize. Is <name of some local florist I've forgotten> the florist closest to you?" They always have "personal info" and it's always in all caps and bold. "JAMI you may be our next PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA winner!" However, I think today's is my favorite. If you need me, I'll be at home by the door, practicing saying "(Excited) I just won ten million dollars from Publishers Clearing House! Now I know it's real!"

Dancing on Your Gravy

As I was eating my delicious fried slices of cow for lunch, I was pondering people who have eschewed such delights as store brand Steak Ums. Emily, my bestest friend for more than 2 decades now, slowly went down the Veggie Trail during our high school years. Her utterly reasonable reason was that eating meat made her feel logy, and generally icky on the inside. Now, the interesting part of this is that I have another friend, who also went meat-free about the same time in her life, for exactly the same reasons. The one similarity these two have is that they both studied dance fairly seriously for a good part of their lives, and were actively dancing at that point. Therefore, based on my extensive research of thinking about that, it is clear - studying dance will make you Meat Intolerant.

Brain Poo?

I remember more of my dreams than most people seem to. I have great vivid, long, full color dreams that sometimes I remember as real until I realize it's not possible. Those who've starred in one have probably heard about it. So, where do these dreams come from? Here's a few theories I've heard: 1. Divine Messages - clearly in the Bible, God sends people messages in dreams. Since I believe the Bible to be true, I believe this is the source, very rarely, of dreams. However, the vast majority of our dreams are probably not of this particular variety, and if they are, I have been seriously, seriously missing the point for many, many years. 2. Brain Poo - a friend of mine once told me that she'd learned in her psych class that dreams were basically Brain Poo (this was not the technical term). The theory was that all day long, we "feed" our brain - images, conversations, sounds, TV shows, memories, whatever. Then, at the end of the day when we're sleeping, your brain digests all the food from the day, and the dreams are basically what comes out. While I like this theory and think there is probably some merit to it, that sure doesn't explain why I dream about someone I haven't even thought about in years, or, like the other day, when I dreamed about my friends in an Ice Dancing Competition. Trust me, ice dancing is not something I have seen, discussed or even thought about in quite some time. 3. Subconscious Warnings - I've heard that some dreams, nightmares especially are our subconscious minds trying to warn us, prepare us for certain dangers or work out problems that we're having. While I have certianly woken up from nightmares and subsequently planned what I would do if that had happened (or what I should have done), many of my nightmares are not really situations I need to prepare for. I've had several realistic dreams in which Chas tried to kill me. Now, I am sure that some of you are thinking "Well, sure, if I were married to you, I'd certainly be considering it. . . ." but since we're approaching our 10th anniversary and he hasn't tried yet, I'm guessing it's probably not gonna happen. I could be wrong, just saying. Also, studies show that people are more likely to have nightmares the warmer they are - so what does that mean? Warmer temperatures wake up the subconcious? 4. What You Ate - this is one you've all heard. When I tell my latest dream to Tim, he almost always asks "And what did you eat before bed?" or some variation on that. I don't know what leads us to believe that certain foods cause bad dreams, though the time that Chas mixed several of the hottest wing flavors at Quaker Steak and Lube, he had a dream that I have sworn never to reveal the contents of to any living soul. Being the brilliant psychological expert that I am, I'm going to say that dreams must be a little bit of all of the above, plus some X factor we can't fathom. We haven't figured out the human brain yet, and maybe one day, some scientist will be able to plug a USB cable into our brains and watch our entire dream, then burn the good ones to DVD so we can watch them again later. Maybe then it'll all be clear. I hope not. Life needs a few good mysteries.

On June 24th - Strawberries Mean "I Love You"

In my last post I mentioned that my mother and I were strawberry picking in an tradition started by my grandfather, whose knees and health precluded him from joining us the last several years. Afterward, we stopped by his and my grandmother's home to drop off some berries for them. This evening, my grandfather called me to thank me for them. He was trying to remember how it had started, which I don't remember, just that we went. Then he said "Well, I really appreciate them and I just wanted to say that whenever you have strawberries on, what is today? Nothing special? Well, when you have strawberries around this time of year, just remember that they mean I love you." I love you, too, Pop-Pop.

Every thing old is new again

This morning, my mother and I picked strawberries at Trax Farms. This is a tradition in our family, started by my grandfather more than 20 years ago. Once summer rolls around and the farm announces the dates they'll be open for picking, we choose a date, get out clothes that can get muddy, wet and berry-stained, and head on over. Over the years, it's dwindled down to something just my mom and I do, though I look forward to taking Eddie in the next couple of years. It's a nice morning, we get to talk and you bring home great big sweet strawberries. I was thinking about how for us, picking strawberries is a treat - but just a few generations ago, it was a job, or survival. Imagine the conversation between present day me and the me who may have been born 100-150 years ago - Present Me: We like to get the whole family together, go out to the field and pick strawberries. It's a tradition. Past Me: Yes, we do that, too. Present Me: Oh? Past Me: We call it Thursday. Of course, we all know about fashion being cyclical, hemlines go up and down, "retro" is in, it's out, it's in . But I'm thinking of the other things that we've strived to improve, only to go back and find out it didn't need it. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for progress and technology. Sometimes, though, maybe things can't be improved on. Being a relatively new mom, child-rearing things are most on my mind. Take the whole formula/breast feeding debate. For as long as people have been having babies, there's been breast feeding. In the 1860's the first formula that didn't kill as many babies as it nourished was developed (by Nestle, for those who are interested), but the baby boom after WWII seems to be when it really became a hit. By the time I was born, many people believed bottle feeding was healthier. Now, in an age where science and manufacturing are leaps and bounds ahead, most sources recommend breast feeding. This is NOT intended to make any bottle-feeding mom feel bad, being one my own self, just a note. Also, baby food. Just today my grandmother told me that when her first child was a baby (don't worry, Aunt Sue, we won't say the year), baby juice came out (juice for babies, not FROM babies). If you don't have kids, take a minute to stroll down the baby food aisle next time you're in the grocery store - Turkey Dinner, Lasagna, lamb, you name it - all in baby food jars. We bought plenty of baby food, me being too lazy to cook, blend, etc., but once Eddie started picking up and eating solid foods, we've switched to "whatever we're eating". He's had General Tso's chicken, spicy indian food, spinach-cheese dip, etc. I've read articles about how this is actually coming into vogue - the "hip" thing to do is to feed your kid real food as soon as their fingers and teeth are ready. I'm glad we have a mix of baby-specific (yay Mini-Fruits) and "real" food to feed Eddie. So, what's my point? Well, I guess the point is - everything old, traditional, and time tested isn't necessarily the best, but then again, neither is everything new, shiny and "advanced". If you're saying "well, duh", next time you do something because you've always done it that way, or buy something new because it's the very latest - I hope you hear me in your head saying "Ha!"

And now the silly begins -or- Why Polygamy Should Be Legal For Women Only

This is the conversation which I was having with PW, which caused me to decide I had to start blogging. People need to know this sort of thing. My apologies to those who have heard this particular theory of mine before: Why, you might say, would a nice girl like me suggest that women should be allowed to have as many husbands as required but men are limited to one wife, even if they have to share? I say to you - social responsibility. You see, in this country, and probably others, men who end up with more than one wife face the problem that most women want to have babies. So, a man with more than one wife, ends up with many babies, as evidenced by the case in Utah a few years ago, where Mr. Green (I believe his name was) had 5 wives and around 30 kids. All well and good, you might think, if Mr. Green was independently wealthy or made the phat money, but that is not the case. Apparently, most families in this sort of situation rely on welfare, WIC and the like to help feed and clothe their enormous brood. Mr. Green's wives did not work outside the home, it took the 5 of them to run the household and, because they are clearly insane anyway, homeschool their kids (you know, they could actually have competed against real schools at various sports - 30 is more than enough to field a quality soccer team). Now, no matter how many husbands a wife has, she will almost definitely NOT have 30 children. The most I've ever heard of is that nice insane family who just had their 16th, and really, that's not even common enough to consider. Then, consider that if you only have one woman bearing (or, to be fair, adopting) children, then really the other adults have no excuse not to work. So, in this case you would end up with 5 husbands out earning paychecks and supporting 1 wife, and maybe 6ish (assuming she keeps up with the Green women) kids. No need for welfare or WIC then. Here's how I propose it works. For optimum effectiveness, you (the wife) will require: 1. The Love Husband (also is the Head Husband). This is the one you picked just because you love him and want to spend forever with him. In my case this is Chas. He hasn't bought into the rest of the program yet, but it's also not legal yet, so we have time. He gets to set the important schedule, if you get my drift, as well as be the one you generally do stuff with, like movies, going to dinner and procreation. 2. The Work-a-holic Husband. He should have a well-paying job, something like heart surgeon, movie star or President of the United States, which takes up a lot of his time. He needs you to show up on his arm at important social functions, he brings home a big, fat, paycheck and he doesn't care what you do the rest of the time. Ideally, you see him once or twice a month, work permitting. 3. The Gay Husband. Because the first two won't go to the Opera or out dancing with you, and besides, someone has to help you pick out clothes and decorate the living room. 4. The Handy Husband. This might not be necessary if the Head Husband is handy around the house. If not, you need the one who fixes the car, the plumbing, the washer when it's making "that noise, again", etc. 5. The Socially Important Husband. If none of the above can get you into the really good parties, like the ones in the SEEN Column, you need this one. So there you go. Feel free to disagree, but you will be wrong.

First Post Ever

Hi Folks, Okay, so I have lots of random thoughts and things, and a blog seemed like a good place to put them. Props to Cheryl W. for being a good example of good blogging, and for encouraging me after getting tired of me IMing her my deluded rants. Today we'll start with something a little less silly than many of the posts to come. Don't worry, the bizarre stuff will be here soon enough . . . A few days ago, my beloved sister-in-law Bev mentioned that children need adults who invest in them (obviously in more than a monetary way). I was thinking of that last night, when I attended a play. See, the play was being stage managed by my friend Lauren, and I was there with my friend Erica. Both are intelligent, beautiful, moral, Christian, functioning members of our society. The part that is relevant is that I've known them both since they were pre-schoolers, taught them in Sunday School, been their Youth Leader and even babysat them. Like Steve Martin in Father of the Bride, I could look at these women and see 6-year-olds, but also, I can see the adults they've become. It occured to me what a fabulous double return I've gotten from my investment in them. Though their parents get the majority of the credit, I feel as though I can look at them as they go out into the world, and say "Some little part of that is because of me". The other bonus I get - now that we are all peers, I get two great friends! I had a wonderful time talking to them both after the show and thought how indescribably wonderful it is to have two more friends that I have such a long history with. Not everyone is cut out to work with children, or with senior citizens or the homeless or what-have-you, but I encourage you, find something to invest in outside of your own life. It took years for my "investments" to mature, but the riches I've recieved made every minute worthwhile. Thanks for bearing with me for my first-ever blog post. Next time, I promise to be much less serious :D