Jami Offers Quick Wedding Guest Advice

I'm back from a wedding, and perhaps I'll have more on that some time, it was lovely and we all know I dig weddings. However, I just wanted to say to all of you who plan to go to weddings: The receiving line, you know, the thing at the end of the wedding where you walk out and say hug or shake hands with the newlyweds? That is NOT a time for chit-chat. Don't start long and detailed stories. Don't plan to have a nice long conversation with the groom, the mother-of-the-bride or anyone else in the line. People are standing behind you, waiting. You're just not that important. So, just say any ONE of the following to each wedding party member: "It was a lovely service." "You look beautiful." "Congratulations." "Nice to meet you." (for wedding party members you don't know). "Way to go." Thanks.

Jami and the Husband Celebrate a Dozen Good Ones

It's our twelve-year anniversary! Happy Anniversary, the Husband! Whew, 12 years. I can't even begin to list all that we've been through. Marriage is great, and hard. It's fun and easy and ridiculously challenging. Instead of a post about marriage, or how great the Husband is (which is "very") let me just tell you about the beginning of our wedding ceremony, 11am, 12 years ago . . . In my giant princess dress, with my hair and make-up done, I waited at the bottom of the stairs to THE AISLE with my daddy and M. The bridesmaids were starting up the stairs, the mothers and grandmothers had been seated. Music trickled down the stairs and I fought the bizarre feeling that I was in some sort of musical. We had costumes, music, lines, blocking - it's a play . . .right? Not the most important day of my life to that point. As usual, when I'm just past nervous, I had my normal thought "I'm going to pass out. No, puke. No, puke and then pass out." I thought of all the people who'd be staring at me (yes, I like to be the center of attention, but I'd never done this before), of all the things that could go wrong in the service or the reception. I thought of what "until death do us part" means when you're 22 years old. And I followed M up the stairs. I held onto my daddy, who managed to keep it together way better than I will at my kid's wedding. At the top of the stairs, my friend Evvie saw me and waved. I smiled back, wondering if I looked like someone about to faint. M started down the aisle. The music changed, the congregation stood, and we walked up the last step and around the corner . . . And I saw the Husband. And I swear to you, everything I'd been thinking feel away. No fears, no worries, no fainting. I forgot about the reception. I can't even tell you what anything at the front of the church looked like because all I saw was him, and that's all I needed. I can still summon that feeling when I close my eyes and see that moment in my head. Imagine 10 radios in your head, yammering on about fears and concerns and just noise and then, they all go off at once. That's what it was - absolute clarity. Absolute right. Followed by 12 years of proof of that. And more to come.

Jami, Two Weddings, One Medical Emergency

It was quite the busy weekend. M got married. My friend Giovannna got married. And my parents broke my baby. Both weddings were lovely and totally, completely different. Beautiful ceremonies, gorgeous brides, fun receptions and of course, great food.

Then, at the second one, my parents call. Hi, having fun? Oh - Eddie's bleeding profusely from the head. Maybe a stitch or two.

Inside my head: AHHHHH!!! MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Out loud: Oh, okay, uh, what happened?

A little accident on the playground. They were thinking of taking him somewhere, you know, just to check. We got it sorted out. The Husband solicitously asked if I wanted to leave - before the prime rib was even served. But the boy was repaired with a minimum of trauma - no stitches, just glue. Yeah, they superglued my child's head back together. Here's the after photo:



Fortunately, there was plenty of vodka at the reception to keep me from worrying about my poor injured baby, who had already forgotten where his boo-boo is and was mostly annoyed that people kept asking him if he wanted to talk to mommy when he just wanted to go back to playground.

Jami's Got a Lot of Reasons to Smile

Great Family:

Newlywed Best Friend:

Good silly friends:

Another Newly Married Friend:


It was a pretty good weekend. I'll tell you about it later!

Jami Believes There is Someone For Everyone

Don't believe me? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080213/ap_en_ce/people_gary_coleman So there.

Jami's Celebrity Filled Dreams

Lately, I seem to have had a streak of dreams featuring celebrities. I've had plenty of dreams with the rich and famous before, but not with this frequency. Not sure why, it's not like I'm particularly into pop culture at the moment. Of course, my all time favorite one was when I married Will Smith. I had a beautiful huge wedding dress - that was a very dark purple. This past week, I've been on Mythbusters, played an acoustic set with Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth in front of a packed crowd and helped Brittany Spears manager corral her during a rampage. I had Bruce Willis over for dinner. I think I did something at the White House, but that one had gotten a bit fuzzy. I won't bore you with the entire stories, and I don't have a point. But I do wonder what I'll be doing tonight, with whom.

Jami Celebrates 11

Whew, here we are at Thursday, again already. Last week I totally missed announcing a winner for the word contest, but only had the one entry, anyway. So congrats again to Lori, this week's winner and if I'm not too tired when I'm done writing this post, I'll put up another word. Otherwise, maybe we'll wait a week. Right now, it's October 11, and 11 years ago, right at this very time, I was getting ready for bed. I wouldn't sleep much that night. Even though I had my own apartment, I was back in my parents' house, actually in their guest room, sharing the foldout bed with M, as we'd done at many a sleepover. We had just steamed out the train of my gorgeous wedding gown and we were both giddy and excited, because the next morning, at 11 am, I would be getting married. Eleven years. Sounds like a looong time doesn't it? Eleven years ago, October 12, 1996 - the best day of my life until January 9, 2006 tied it (the first time we had Eddie). I made a real effort to remember that day and I do, I really remember so much. Picture me at 22, in my huge white princess dress, with my veil on and blusher down, standing on the stairs to our church's sanctuary. The organ played Canon in D while my best friends at the time (notable exception excluded, but that's a different story) strode down the aisle. I could see just two people in the very last pew. M, of course, the last to go before me, was about to step up and for a hideous moment, I thought I might puke from nerves. (Interesting side note - when I get really nervous, I am always certain that I am going throw up and faint, not necessarily in that order, but I never have. I mean, I've yakked, but not due to nerves and I've never fainted, ever. Each time though, I am sure this time I will do both.) It occurred to me that going up that last step, around the corner as the music changed to the Bridal March (I'm a traditionalist, sue me) that I would be crossing a Point of No Return. It is the same feeling you get when you aren't sure you really want to be on a scary-looking ride, after you're strapped in, but before they actually throw the switch. It's that "I probably can't even stop it now if I wanted to. But I don't, really. Probably" And then, the music changed, the congregation shifted in their seats, I could hear it and . . .I stepped out. The Husband stood, all the way down the aisle at the front, seemingly miles and miles away. And all my nerves were gone. Because I knew how right it was. Once I saw him, once I saw him see me, I knew. So I savored that walk up the aisle with my Daddy, because I love being the center of attention, of course, and because I wanted to enjoy that perfect rightness, the anticipation of our lives beginning. On the way back down the aisle at the end, I can tell you who I saw and who smiled or waved, but on the way up, I only saw the Husband. A beautiful ceremony followed. An incredibly fun reception. A lovely "after party" at my parents. A first night at a nice hotel. A fun and exciting honeymoon. And the rest of our lives so far. Eleven years - laughter, tears, great joy, painful loss, grand adventures, unbearable tedium, but mostly eleven years of love. Happy Anniversary, Love of My Life. I hope we have one-hundred-eleven more.

Jami is Melting . . .Melting . . .

Remember the scene in Biloxi Blues where Matt Broderick's character complains about how hot it is in Mississippi? I've been hearing that in my head for about two weeks now, because dang, it's HOT! The thing is, I try not to complain too much about hot, because I despise being cold. I hate being cold worse than being hungry or tired. I hurt when I'm cold and as I get colder, my instincts tell me to curl up somewhere and sleep. By the way, this is the exact wrong thing to do if you're faced with the possiblity of freezing to death, unless you want to wake up face-to-face with your Maker. So, since I kvetch plenty about the cold, I make a conscious effort to lay off whining as the heat index climbs. I will make a exception now, as we finish up what feels like our 103 consective day of highs in the 90s with humidity in the range that I belive is technically called "ridiculous". Cliche as it is, I don't mind hot when it's not sticky. We've visited Vegas enough times that I know I can be totally happy when the mercury hits 104, because the air in Vegas isn't retaining enough water to fill a new lake. In fact, I love Vegas and my biggest complaint there is that they keep the casino air-conditioners set to "Penguin Habitat" so that I have to take a sweater if I'm planning on being inside and that just makes me nuts. But I digress. The point my tired, sweaty, melting brain is trying to make is that it is that the combination of hot and humid is killing me. It's too unpleasant to clean. It's certainly too miserable to exercise. It's too hot to take a proper (read: hot) shower. It's too humid for my dang clothes to dry on the line - I've got a load on the line that's been hanging there for days and is still approximately as wet as when I put them there. It's too sticky to carry the baby around, too hot to get into the car, too exhausting to go to the park. It's even so bad that I haven't been able to bear the idea of putting a heat-generating laptop on my lap and blog. Here's what you've missed in my life: - Yesterday my son turned two. We had his party last week. I'll have plenty to say about this once I stop crying about how my baby isn't even a baby any more. - We went camping this past weekend. It's usually the one where we build the boat, but a combination of factors led us to ditch the whole boating thing and just hang out and camp. Good fun. - I managed to install an AC in the playroom, and even though I've always espoused a general distasted for conditioned air, I'm so in love with this thing now that the Husband is starting to look at it suspiciously. - I spent all last week dressed as a Viking, yelling "Ya!" and sweating off 1/2 my body weight, but somehow I still weigh the same. And the biggest one - My best friend M is engaged! Congrats to M and to the man brilliant enough to recognize her greatness and propose to her. So, how are you?

Jami Loves Love

Joining approximately half of the US yesterday, I attended a wedding. Many congratulations to Rachel and Jon who tied the knot on 7-7-07, probably the most sought-out wedding date in a decade. We enjoyed a lovely tradition-filled ceremony a fantastic reception and time with family and friends.



I love weddings - cliche? Sure, but I don't care. I love dressing up. I love sitting next to the Husband, holding his hand and remembering our vows as a couple says theirs. I love dancing, and drinking and all the silly, hokey things you do at the reception. Good times. OH - except that stupid "clink your glass to make them kiss thing". For the love of Pete, folks, let the poor newlyweds eat. They've probably been too nervous to eat all day and they've been busy. They'll kiss plenty, I promise. Just let them eat their dinners.

Adding to the joy of the evening is more good news - one of my good friends and her husband announced their new pregnancy (well, to be honest, they announced it the next day, but I managed to weasel the info out early, because I'm like that.) Yay for them; they are one of the people I believe should have lots of kids because they are nice, intelligent, moral people who will raise their kids right.

I danced until the music stopped, I consumed a fair amount of the alky-hol, I made new friends and ate cake and cookies. Yes, I ate dinner, which was delicious, but I get dinner every day. I don't get cake and cookies every day.

Me and my new friend Tiffany

This was at a wedding last month, but here's Eddie in his tux, and getting down on the dance floor with his cousin, Adam.

Jami's Dream Weddings

Inspired by attending a wedding and this post by EDW, let me just say that I also need more weddings. I don't need more husbands, although in this post from almost a year ago, I discuss why I could use a few extra, without ditching the original. Along the lines of the Vegas wedding EDW mentioned, I wouldn't mind one on the Star Trek ride at the Las Vegas Hilton. I'm not that big of a geek, but it would be fun and they let you have the reception at Quark's bar where the drinks are both yummy and colorful. The last time we were there, we saw two couples tying the knot on the bridge of the Enterprise (separately, not at the same time). The first couple wore your basic wedding-garb, but the second couple sported their authentic-looking dress uniforms. I'd go for the dress ( I love a big fancy dress), but I'd let the wedding party wear unis if they want. There're also several other attractive and fun places in Sin City to throw a wedding, but that still seems like the most fun to me. Along the geekiness lines, the Husband and I half-jokingly discussed a Star Wars themed renewal of vows. I, of course, would be Princess Leia and he'd be my Han Solo. This would make my mom and dad Amidala and Vader, respectively, which would be worth the price of admission. My brother would make a fine Luke, although I'm not sure what costume M, my maid-of-honor would wear. The best man would obviously be Chewie, and fortunately the Husband's best friend is good and tall. I'd like another formal church wedding, because most of my friends now didn't know me when I got married. I rather enjoy being the center of attention, and I'd like to do it "right" again. After seeing several of my friends' wedding photos, I'd like a nice Hindu wedding. Now, I'm not Hindu, but I want the henna, the ornate wedding outfits, the wonderful traditions, the all-day party. I wouldn't even mind having it in India, which I'd like to visit someday, as long as we don't do it in the hot/rainy season. A friend of mine attended a wedding in India on a day it was over 100 degrees and the humidity was 85%. Too hot for dancing, IMO. I wouldn't mind a sunset beach wedding, followed by a bonfire on the beach. This would be a way less formal one, with a guitar player for music. I'd still like to get it catered, though, because I want to have a lovely table setting on the beach, and it's my wedding, after all. I recently learned that you can rent out the entire Pittsburgh Zoo for your event and this sounds like a good one, too. The aquarium would be a lovely setting for the ceremony, and how fun would that be? Who else has penguins at their wedding? I could probably come up with 15 or 20 more good ideas, but that'll do for now. Also, we wouldn't ak for or expect gifts, being that we've already got a house full of stuff, but I would insist on a bachelorette party. Aerie, you can throw mine, as long as you promise not to hire that same stripper.

And now the silly begins -or- Why Polygamy Should Be Legal For Women Only

This is the conversation which I was having with PW, which caused me to decide I had to start blogging. People need to know this sort of thing. My apologies to those who have heard this particular theory of mine before: Why, you might say, would a nice girl like me suggest that women should be allowed to have as many husbands as required but men are limited to one wife, even if they have to share? I say to you - social responsibility. You see, in this country, and probably others, men who end up with more than one wife face the problem that most women want to have babies. So, a man with more than one wife, ends up with many babies, as evidenced by the case in Utah a few years ago, where Mr. Green (I believe his name was) had 5 wives and around 30 kids. All well and good, you might think, if Mr. Green was independently wealthy or made the phat money, but that is not the case. Apparently, most families in this sort of situation rely on welfare, WIC and the like to help feed and clothe their enormous brood. Mr. Green's wives did not work outside the home, it took the 5 of them to run the household and, because they are clearly insane anyway, homeschool their kids (you know, they could actually have competed against real schools at various sports - 30 is more than enough to field a quality soccer team). Now, no matter how many husbands a wife has, she will almost definitely NOT have 30 children. The most I've ever heard of is that nice insane family who just had their 16th, and really, that's not even common enough to consider. Then, consider that if you only have one woman bearing (or, to be fair, adopting) children, then really the other adults have no excuse not to work. So, in this case you would end up with 5 husbands out earning paychecks and supporting 1 wife, and maybe 6ish (assuming she keeps up with the Green women) kids. No need for welfare or WIC then. Here's how I propose it works. For optimum effectiveness, you (the wife) will require: 1. The Love Husband (also is the Head Husband). This is the one you picked just because you love him and want to spend forever with him. In my case this is Chas. He hasn't bought into the rest of the program yet, but it's also not legal yet, so we have time. He gets to set the important schedule, if you get my drift, as well as be the one you generally do stuff with, like movies, going to dinner and procreation. 2. The Work-a-holic Husband. He should have a well-paying job, something like heart surgeon, movie star or President of the United States, which takes up a lot of his time. He needs you to show up on his arm at important social functions, he brings home a big, fat, paycheck and he doesn't care what you do the rest of the time. Ideally, you see him once or twice a month, work permitting. 3. The Gay Husband. Because the first two won't go to the Opera or out dancing with you, and besides, someone has to help you pick out clothes and decorate the living room. 4. The Handy Husband. This might not be necessary if the Head Husband is handy around the house. If not, you need the one who fixes the car, the plumbing, the washer when it's making "that noise, again", etc. 5. The Socially Important Husband. If none of the above can get you into the really good parties, like the ones in the SEEN Column, you need this one. So there you go. Feel free to disagree, but you will be wrong.