Jami Cries It Out

I have an 18-month old who still gets up once in the middle of the night, and gets nursed and rocked back to sleep. My older son was rocked to sleep until he was almost 20 months old, and then again when he moved to the bed at age 3 - more rocking to sleep. If I mention these facts to people, I am often advised about the idea of "crying it out" or "Ferberizing" (which by the way, is a bit bastardized from what Dr. Ferber intended) and, as politely as possible, I change the subject. Because I hate the idea of babies left to cry.

I'm blogging about this today because yesterday I heard a most profound assessment of the idea on a very unlikely place - Law and Order: UK. I love the L&Os and while I can't watch SVU after having children, the rest are quality watching. The BBC's one is especially fun because it recycles old original episodes, but tweaks them. Good fun. Anyhow, several of the police officers were discussing the merits of crying it out. One said that it teaches babies to sleep on their own, and another replied that it merely teaches them that Mommy and Daddy aren't coming no matter how hard they cry, and that crying is their only way to communicate (which is true, but not the profound part). Then he said to another officer: "I wouldn't leave you in a room alone if I saw you crying." And BINGO - that is exactly what I had been trying to get across to people. It's simple compassion. I hope that if I were sitting alone crying and you could hear me from the next room, you would at least pop your head in and ask what's wrong. You might even come sit next to me and put your hand on my shoulder or arm. If I said, "I'm just lonely and I don't want to be alone right now" wouldn't you stay with me? If a baby is crying in his crib in the middle of the night, in the dark and without the capability to understand that you are just in the next room, how can you say "Oh, just let him cry until he's so exhausted he falls asleep" and not realize you are doing the same thing?

I'm not saying that I instant scoop the baby up when he makes the faintest noise, in fact, when he cries at night, I listen for a few minutes to see if he is going back to sleep, which he sometimes does. Then, if he isn't going to sleep, I get up, use the bathroom and usually get a drink of water before I get him, because I'll need both of those if I'm going to nurse and rock him.

When Eddie was old enough to understand what I was saying, I started using the Five Minute Method, which worked very well for him and, in my opinion, reinforced the idea that he was not going to be abandoned to cry it out alone, no matter what. There is plenty of debate about crying it out and a ton of research supporting both sides, really. I would say that IMO, the research shows that "normal" cry it out babies (not the ones who are allowed to cry for hours, unattended, regularly) have no long term damage, however I also think that the studies so that it is a very stressful and generally unnecessary event. I believe that most parents want to do what is best for their child, to the best of their ability. I imagine that most babies who have been through crying it out are just fine. But that doesn't mean it's right for our family.

Jami's Guide to Courtroom Fashion

After watching several recent episodes of Judge Judy and the People's Court, just let me suggest a few fashion tips for if you need to go to court. For the ladies: 1. Leggings and thigh-high boots might seem okay since you get to stand behind the podium most of the time, but they're not. 2. Micro mini-skirts don't make you look like a respectable person. Also if you are older than 20 or heavier than a size 20, you shouldn't wear them outside your own house; wear them in court and it basically is lying by clothing. 3. If you're trying to explain how poor you are, wear earrings smaller than your head and try to keep the jewelry, fake or not, to less than Little Richard would find garish. For the gentlemen: 1. Just because it's clean doesn't mean a T shirt is okay for court. It should also not have tears, holes, old stains, naked ladies, cuss words or frayed strings on it. A button-down shirt may be hard to locate, but give it a shot for court. 2. Ties are optional, but wear them with a collared shirt if you are going to wear them. 3. Don't wear shorts. Come on. This should be a gimme. 4. Sandals on guys are never for indoors. And rarely look good outdoors, either. For everyone: 1. Unless the case involves injuries to these parts, the following body parts should not be on display in court: Shoulders, belly buttons, small of the back (even if you have a really rad tramp stamp), anything a bathing suit should cover, arm pits and the middle of your chest. 2. Don't wear anything you cut the sleeves or legs off of yourself. 3. You think wearing sunglasses in court makes you look cool, but you are mistaken. 4. If you are wearing something with feathers, it's probably wrong. Special shout-out to the guy who was workin' the pinstriped tux on the People's Court. Totally fly, but dude, even though it's televised, it's still small claims court, not the prom.

Jami Doesn't Dig the Pain

The Husband and I are watching Man vs. Food, a show we watch on occasion when a food he's attempting looks particularly gigantic or bizarre. The one we have on here involves hot wings so hot that only 3 people in the world have managed to eat 12. The Scoville rating of these wings is estimated around 1,000,000, though I have to believe that is a gimmick, but it does have a habanero extract sauce, plus is dredged in hot sauce before being breaded. It's hot, is what I'm saying. SPOILER ALERT: he makes it. Then there is a commercial for the next episode where he plans to eat a chili 9x hotter than a habanero pepper. And here's the thing: I don't get it. I like spicy foods. I craved spicy when I was pregnant. Spicy - yes. But burning my tongue until I cry? Um, no. I don't get eating food that causes you pain. I like food. I eat food for fun, not to hurt. It's the same reason I hate weepy-drama chick flicks - I want to be amused, not depressed. Real life is depressing, show me something funny. Plenty of things in life hurt, my food shouldn't be one of them. I don't get tattoos or piercings, I don't run marathons, and I don't slam dance in mosh pits; hurts = no fun. I want my food to be yummers and fun to eat, not melt my face off and in a few hours come shooting out my butt leaving a flaming vapor trail. That's all.

Jami Wants to Know, What's Up with the Dogs?

This may be one of the most important questions of our day. What's up with the non-talking dogs? I know what you're thinking - aren't dogs supposed to be non-talking? Generally, my answer would be yes, but what I'm referring to here are the many instances where in children's shows/movies every critter talks, except the dogs. You probably first noted this phenomenon with the Mickey Mouse cartoons. You've got talking mice, ducks, cats, cows, and whatever the heck Goofy is, (yes, I know officially he's a "goof" but that doesn't really clear much up, does it?) and yet Pluto, the dog, doesn't talk. He barks, of course, and Mickey seems to able to understand him (in the "What is it, boy? You want a treat?" sense.) Big deal, you say, in Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse, everything talks, except the dog. Who cares? Well, if that were the end of it, not me. Everyone's allowed some creative license, right? But the conspiracy goes so much deeper.... Watch Sesame Street? Who talks on that? Birds, frogs, monsters, grouches, you name it. Who doesn't? That's right, Barkley. The dog!! Even this website notes that while Barkley understands two sign commands, he doesn't speak. But he barks, of course. My son watches a show called Word World. In Word World, things are made of the letters that spell them. Yeah, it makes very little sense, but he's five. The main characters are: Ant, Sheep, Pig, Duck, Bear and Dog. There are also some regular guests: Frog, Bug, Fly, Shark and Cat. Guess which ones talk? If you said "all of them.. except Dog, of course" You'd be right. And then we have the most puzzling of all, Blue's Clue. For the uninformed (meaning, you don't have small children), Blue is an animated dog who has a live-action human friend (Joe or Steve, depending on the season) for whom she leaves clues about what she wants by putting her paw print on things. So, let's say Blue wants to have lemonade (sure, she can, it's a cartoon), she might leave paw prints the following clues: a pitcher with ice, some lemons, sugar. Got it? In Blue's world EVERYTHING talks, not just living things. Her salt and pepper shakers are married and have spice babies (I am not making that up). The mailbox sings. The sidetable drawer talks. With all this, certainly the star of the show, Blue herself can talk, right? Well, no. Only in the spin off, Blue's Room, where even the theme song sounds surprised "Blue can talk!!" Interestingly, in this, she's not animated, she's a puppet. Last example, Max from the Little Mermaid. All the creatures in that talk and sing and conspire - Max, the prince's dog, just barks and drools. What's up with that? Is it some sort of conspiracy? If so, why? I just know, it seems sinister.

Jami and the Perfect Ending

No, not the blog, though I realize posting once or twice a month isn't what I originally was doing. Anyway... This week saw the last episode of Ugly Betty, a soapy, drama-filled, comedy based on a Colombian telenova. I started watching Betty on a whim, really, when the Husband brought home the first season on DVD in case I was interested. I started the first disc and couldn't stop until the credits rolled on the last episode of that season. Smart, funny, clever, unpredictable and even though it had some of the elements of your basic soap opera, it had just enough realism to keep me watching. The snappy writing and clever twists definitely caught me, someone who hasn't ever watched a real soap opera regularly. And so Betty drew to a close this week, in what may have been the BEST finale episode ever, if not, certainly the best in a long, long time. It's hard to write finales for beloved show, I know. Fans want it to be the best episode ever, they want the plotlines wrapped up, but the feeling that their favorite characters will still be going on, they want happy endings, but not magic fairy godmothery endings, they want laughs and tears and love and all of it to be perfect, and normally you get 30 minutes to an hour to do it; I get when some of the finales just can't live up to it. And of course, some shows are cancelled before the writers have time to write a satisfying ending, frustrating all. We all can think of some of the good endings - M*A*S*H probably being the best known, but it was a 2 hour movie, Futurama had a great farewell (followed by 3 straight to video movies and returning this summer) - the Bad: Seinfeld, St. Elsewhere - and the forgettable: Frasier? Cosby Show? Family Ties? By the time they were cancelled was anyone even still watching? So why did Ugly Betty's finale work? Why would I call it "perfect"?

1. The plotlines were all wrapped up, over the last few episodes in believable ways. Even Amanda's MIA dad, a storyline I'd forgotten about, closes up. Is it a little bit too coincidental? Sure, but not outrageously so. In the world of soap operas, it was positively tame.
2. The characters showed they've grown and changed, but they're still themselves. Willie softened a little, but she will never be nice. Mark still made fun of Betty, etc.
3. There were no huge surprise twists. Did you see the ending with Daniel coming? Probably, it was hinted at clearly enough. But he didn't pop the question, or make a grand sweeping gesture at the airport. No one made big silly speeches or had surprise pregnancies, engagements, divorces, or deaths (yes, Halston died, but he was a fairly minor character ;-)
4. You felt good about even the sad parts. Betty leaving, Hilda moving out - it's about time. They're adults. It's bittersweet, but it's right and you feel it. Like the "rightness" of Sam turning out the lights on the final Cheers, it's sad, but it's also time.
5. The plotlines wrap up, but the characters are going on, Betty starting a new job, Mark moving up, Justin coming into his own, Ignacio on his own, you feel like it's a beginning as well. You aren't left hanging, but your imagination gets to carry their stories onward. Joss Whedon did this excellently with Buffy and Angel - both shows ended with big epic battles - but left places for the surviving charcters to live on.
6. The tone of the finale fit the tone of the show. A finale that suddenly changes tone or tries to teach a lesson or does something completely out of the show's "character" (I'm talking to you, Roseanne) can be disastrous.

So farewell, Betty and friends. Thanks for the giggles, gasps and sniffles. And for the perfect ending.

Jami and the "Controversial" Ad

Ah the SuperBowl. Several hours of new commercials interrupted by occasional football. Sorry, Peyton, I was rooting for you, but it wasn't your year, at least you already have a ring. As we watched the show at home eating the entire batch of dip I'd made for the party that was cancelled due to Pittsburgh freezing over, we saw the ad for Focus on the Family staring the Tebows. Growing up, I didn't like Focus on the Family, or their founder Dr. James Dobson, in part because he encouraged my parents to be responsible and stricter than I wanted. Bad Dobson! I have come around to a grudging respect for the man, since, with the teen years behind me, I can admit that perhaps it's not a bad thing to know who your kids are dating and where they are after school. However, this is not about my personal feelings about the good Doctor or his organization. I have to admit, I was confused when the Husband told me there had been a bunch of controversy and even some attempts to keep this ad off the air. Why? A mom talking about how she almost lost her baby and that she still worries about him even though he's a big football player? I mean, didn't the Campbell's soup ads have almost the same message, but for soup? So I look online and discover that he's indeed correct, people tried to get CBS to ban this ad without even seeing it because it might have a strong pro-life message. And today commentaries about how inappropriate "this kind of ad" are for the SuperBowl! You have got to be kidding me! I find that not only ridiculous, but a little scary. Here's why: Yes, Mrs. Tebow mentions that he is her "miracle baby" but for all I knew before all the hub-bub, that could mean she thought she was infertile or she had a difficult pregnancy or she had lost several babies before him or he was really premature or any other number of things. I thought the ad was for Focus on the Family, an organization that does WAY more than pro-life stuff, and yes, they are conservative and Christian, but as far as I know, it is still legal to be both in this country, even to talk about on TV. Focus on the Family paid for the time, so as along as they stayed within FCC guidelines and whatever extra rules CBS might have set, they can say whatever the heck they want. You don't like it? Don't listen, or send them a letter or buy your own time to show an opposing opinion. That's they way our society works. I feel the same way about the obnoxiously stupid and bordering on disgusting ads for a certain web domain provider I choose not to provide additional advertising for by mentioning their name One opinion column I read suggested that "Years from now, as we sit through SuperBowls stuffed with ad after preachy, chastising ad, we might just long for simpler times of burping frogs." Really?? You think that having ONE ad for ONE organization is going to lead to that? Also, I'd be hard pressed to call that ad "preachy" or "chastising". Most opinion style groups aren't going to have the cash for a SuperBowl ad, and we all know that if the ads get boring, technology provides us ways to ignore them, along with talking to the other folks at the SuperBowl party, bar or family gathering. I read here that the president of NOW slammed the ad because it glorified violence against women. I find this laughable, considering all the other things other ads glorify. Did ANYONE watch that commercial and say "Hey, if Timmy Tebow thinks it's cool to tackle his mom, I'm gonna go beat up a woman right now!" If you did, please know that Timmy also thinks it's cool to get a vasectomy and turn yourself in to the police. To the people who claim that the point of the ad was "Don't get an abortion because your kid might end up being a Heisman trophy winner" I say ask Mrs. Tebow if she'd still be as happy with her son if he were a 90 lb nerd who is only a champion in the World of Warcraft. I bet she would, but then no one would have asked her to do the ad. Look folks, whether or not you want to acknowledge it, every commercial on TV is designed to influence your thinking. No matter if it's for buying a certain brand of beer, visiting a website, eating at a restaurant or purchasing a particularly delicious brand of triangle-shaped nacho-flavored chips, every ad you see is made to encourage you to some type of action. If you really believe this ad is inappropriate, ask yourself why? Because a mom loves her son and says so on TV? Or because it's sponsored by a group you disagree with? Nothing should be banned on the public airways just because some people don't like it. I would say the same thing about MoveOn.org, the Boy Scouts, or Family Guy. To say that an ad with the tagline of "celebrate families, celebrate life" is somehow worse than the ads that glorify alcohol or avarice is hypocrisy to say the least. The fact that this is even a discussion worries me. Having seen the air-able versions of the other controversial ad, I can see why there was some debate about one that may have gone further. Not because I agree or disagree with it, but if I ran a station, I'd be wary of approaching the FCC's lines. But watch the Tebow commercial, really watch it and then tell me - what in there is objectionable enough that it should be pulled?

Jami's Letter to Charlie Sheen

Dear Charlie, I like Two and Half Men. It's cute. Get help. I don't know what happened with this new wife, and judging from Denise Richards's choices since your divorce, I'm not going to lend her wild accusations too much credence, but there is clearly a problem. If you can't be married, don't, and stop knocking these young women up. Don't hit women. Don't threaten to kill anyone. Maybe have a Diet Coke instead of a mixed drink. Thanks so much, Jami PS - just because the character gets laughs on 2 1/2 Men, doesn't mean we like a drunken jerk in real life. Just saying.

Jami and the Mothering Skills

If we're being truthful, all moms will admit that we have our moments that we're glad CYS didn't see - one in particular for me, when my son decided he would play "doggie" stripped down to his skivvies, attached the dog's leash and was drinking out of the bowl in the backyard when I found him. I am not certain, but I'd guess that if the neighbors had called and said that we had our toddler chained up in the back, in his tighty-whities drinking out of a dog bowl that we'd at least get a brief visit from a nice social worker. Every mom I've had a conversation with has admitted to saying or doing something and almost instantly regretting it. We're human, unfortunately. So it's no wonder that we will all ourselves the question, at some point, "Am I being a good enough mom?" If you don't ask that, then I really would wonder if you are. Then we have the times like this morning, where I was stiting on the floor, playing Legos with Eddie and decided to put the TV on to listen to while we played (partially because playing Eddie often turns into watching Eddie, but not being allowed to touch any of the Legos because I'm "doing it wrong"). I happened upon a show called "Toddlers and Tiaras" which the Husband had TiVo'd for me. I enjoy the teen-adult pageants and I absolutely abhor the itty-bitty-kiddy ones. Even knowing that the Husband set this up to get me all riled, I started it up. The first mom starts off seeming oh-so-reasonable. Her four-year-old has only been to 5 or 6 pageants and the little girls says "Sometimes we don't win and that's okay. We just say 'Oh well'. And then sometimes we do win and we get very excited." The mom follows up by saying that they never "practice" more than 15 minutes at a time and they don't force her to do anything she doesn't want to. Hmmm,I think, could this be the Voice of Reason for this show? No. Of course not. In what I can only call snarky editing, the next scene is her yelling at the little girl for not practicing her "slow walk" and then threatening to send her to bed in the middle of the afternoon because she doesn't want to "play pageant" any more. Sigh. Then they go buy 2 dresses that "start at" $650, though we aren't given an actual figure. Then they go to *private* dance class, so she can work on her poise and "pretty feet". Hmmmph. And still - this was the more reasonable mom, I thought. After watching what I can only call the train-wreck-style of parenting, I feel confident that I am one seriously kick-butt mom. And I find myself justified in offering just a few tips to the parents (yes, there were dads into this, too - one in particular who was worse than the mom): 1. Your 4-year-old should never EVER be wearing false eyelashes, a bikini and suggestively shaking her hips. There can be no justification for your toddler to be sashaying around like a drunken Britney Spears. Never. 2. 2 year-olds don't have "life ambitions" or "life goals" so let's drop that little bit of nonsense. They've barely had a LIFE, let alone the capacity to make plans. "Charlene loves animals and her life's goal is to become a veterinarian"?? No. Charlene needs to learn to use the potty and her ABCs. Charlene's life ambition is to stay up past 7:30 and eat an entire bag of lollipops when you're not looking. 3. If your child is less than a week old, he/she does NOT need to be competing. Seriously, they showed a THREE DAY OLD baby competing in the fancy dress competition. 3 day-olds don't "enjoy the pageants"'; they don't like dressing up. They like eating, pooping and being cuddled. 4. No child needs a dress that costs more than a used car. The grand prize in this pageant was $500. The woman who makes the custom-made sequined-covered monstrosities these children were shoved into said that they start at $650, but are usually more. So, even if you are the ONE winner in this pageant of maybe 100 girls, you lose $150 just on the clothing, and don't forget the dance lessons, "bathing outfit", hair pieces (most had one), fake teeth (for those in various stage of normal teeth-losing), make up artists (several girls had pros - even the 5 year-olds), the mani-pedi (they all had), and of course the time, effort and money getting to the pageant - oh - plus entry fees. So I'd guess, if you're lucky and you win the whole shebang, you're down only $1000-$1500 for the day. Whoo hoo. You win. Lastly, on a really serious note - you are encouraging your baby girls to be sexy. Not only is this sick and wrong and encouraging to pedophiles everywhere, but look, you've got a seriously limited amount of time when your little ones are actually little. If you want to play dress up at home and let her spin around in a big fluffy princess dress with sparkly shoes, that's great. Get her a whole box of boas and tiaras and fairy wings and let her go nuts. But mid-drift baring bathing suits, gowns where they can't put their arms down, so much make up that you yell at them if they cry because they're going to mess it up - these aren't things preschoolers should even know about. No kindergartner should have to sit still for eyelash curling or lip-lining. No one who can't even cross the street alone should know how to walk in high heels. Don't grow them up so fast, because they will spend the rest of their lives being grown up. Let her decide to compete in the pageants when she's old enough to handle the rejection and you've taught her the many other valuable parts of herself. And for the love of all that is holy, stop doing the routine in the back of the room facing her while she's on stage. You're just making yourself even more ridiculous.

Jami Compares Clarks

Last night we caught an episode of the new Justice League. I am fairly sure it was a repeat, but I hadn't seen it. Let me just pause here to say that 1. Yes, I'm a considerably big geek but 2. Not necessarily a comic book geek. I know plenty of the background thanks to many years of marriage to the Husband, but overall, I haven't read the "graphic novels" themselves. But I digress. So, watching the new JLA, there is a scene where Superman goes to the Daily Planet as Clark Kent (of course), and his appearance really struck me. No way is that Superman (we'll call him the animated one) going to get away with the CK disguise. Look at him! I couldn't find a full body Clark shot, but: even in this picture, you can see how cut he is, totally built up top, but with the slender legs favored by so many male superheroes. While you can get away with saying that Clark is a farm boy who likes to stay in shape, no one is going to believe this hulking mass is an innocent bumbling reporter. Not gonna happen. Plus, with that distinctive jaw, you're going to say "Hmm, you sorta look like Superman, doncha?" Yes. This lead me to ponder the Superman/Clark combos over the years, and I've come up with my personal picks on the matter. So here goes. Best Superman - Dean Cain, in my opinion, besides being the absolute hottest, was the best Superman. He was smart, funny, looked heroic, and maintained the boyish charm while saving the world. Of all the Supermans (Supermen?), I think he most embodies the ideal. Best Clark - Easily, in my opinion, Christopher Reeves. Bumbling, in his sly way, tremor in the voice for being shy or scared, earnest and not built like a superhero, he was the one most believable as the smalltown fish out of water at the big city paper. Best Combo - Christopher Reeves. His transformation in voice, body and facial appearance is the most believably different. His Clark, as mentioned above is the easiest to dismiss and his Superman was brave, strong, kind and in good shape, as you'd expect from someone who doesn't have to exercise. Worst Superman - George Reeves. The man had a pot belly. Come on! Sure, Superman doesn't have to work out but he shouldn't look like he'd get winded running down a flight of stairs. Worst Clark - I'm going to have to give it to animated JLA Superman. As mentioned, he doesn't look very different and it's a cartoon - they could have drawn him however they wanted. Instead, he looks like Superman put a suit on to go to a nice dinner. Worst Combo - George Reeves. Not only is Superman pudgy, but Clark is too old to still be a lost smalltown boy. I didn't include the Superman from Smallville in this as I haven't watched it. When it originally came out and was apparent that it was going to take so many liberties with the Superman lore, the Husband became so upset over the whole thing I was afraid to turn it on in our home. I hear it's great, but not really "Superman" in the sense that it follows any particular comics or history. More like a really good different comic with characters all the same name. (come on, really? I mean, Lois in Smallville? Lex at the same high school and the same age? even I know how wrong that is!) I also left out the original Superfriends Superman, as I don't recall him ever being Clark. I did consider Brandon Routh in Superman Returns. I felt he really fell in the middle in all categories, though overall he did a fine turn as the Man of Steel. I did only watch it once in its entirety, but I didn't love it, so that may have hurt his chances. Now, it's your turn - agree, disagree, rave on about the excellence of Smallville's Clark or whoever. And what about Lois??

Jami Has a Revelation

So this post started out about how I have watched Twilight twice on DVD, both times right before bed and had weird, but not scary, dreams. I was about to suggest it's the Buffy Effect when BAM! It all became so clear - it's not just coincidence. Why, you must ask yourself, are vampires suddenly so prevalent in pop culture? I mean, sure, the idea of vampires has been around for quite some time, but haven't you noticed that the vampires lately are just a bit different. Sure, they kill humans and drink blood, but it's not because they want to; it's a biological urge that they can learn to overcome. They don't want to be monsters and murders, at least not all of them, they just have to work on not killing people. Is this some sort of cosmic accident? Of course not. It's a vast conspiracy to increase our comfort level with vampires. What better way to find easier prey than convincing your lunch that you're deep down, a nice guy? You don't think the Volturi are smart enough to realize that if vampires are nice families of the undead who don't want to kill you, it's gonna be a lot easier to lure you to the house. And just look at Angel, Buffy, and Twilight (I haven't seen True Blood, so I can't speak to that). Not only are the vamps able to overcome being evil, they also are sexy, fun and cool. Insidious! Don't fall for it, friends. Or, don't say I didn't warn you! Joss Whedon, a vampire in disguise or just part of the conspiracy? Discuss.

Jami is Saddened

First, by the passing of Ed McMahon - he set the standard for wingmen, and if you didn't love Star Search in the 80s, you either weren't alive or are lying. This year's self-mocking Super Bowl commercial is one of the few I still remember a half-year later. Secondly, by the announcement that Jon and Kate Gosselein are beginning divorce proceedings. Any time a marriage ends, it is deeply sad, but Kate, Jon, listen up - you have EIGHT little lives you are destroying. And you can fix it. Yeah, it sucks and things are ugly now, but look at all you've made it through. This part's just for Kate. I like you, I do. I've been one of your biggest advocates when people say snarky things about you, because I get it. You had a bazillion high-maintenance infants and you had to deal however you could, but listen to me- if you love your kids, and I know you do, and you want the very best for them: You are the one with the power to fix this, so do it. I almost cried when I read the quote that "the show must go on." That's bull and you know it. F**k the show, sister, and save your family! Pull the plug, take the hit and make it work. Get Dr. Laura's Proper Care and Feeding books and read them today. And do it. You were a wife before you were a mom and we've all been at that place where we forgot that for a bit, but now it's time to remember. I don't know and I don't care what Jon did - watch the first few seasons of the show and ask yourself if how you treated him made him want to be around, be loving, be helpful and be married to you - would YOU want to come home to that? Honesty time here, one bitch to another, I'm telling you this because I caught myself headed down that path and thank the good Lord I realized it and let me tell you - we have the power, we wives. I believe Jon's a good man. A good man who feels loved, valued and appreciated isn't going anywhere, toots. So both of you - get jobs (one full time, one while the kiddies are in school since they're all going now), get off the air, and get back to being a family. This is your chance to really show the world that no marriage is easy, but it is worthwhile. I'll be praying for you and your kids.

Jami Fears for the Future

I have to admit to watching a couple of reality shows. Celebrity Apprentice (edited so that you feel smarter, thanks NBC) and Biggest Loser are the current ones, though I did watch and enjoy the Joe Schmoe Show (first season only, second one sucked) and I couldn't stop watching that one where people allowed themselves to be repeatedly beaten up so they could "win" a spot in pro-wrestling. Very train-wreckish, that one. Anyway, I also watch a few of the "Worlds Dumbest . . ." style shows, especially the ones courtesy of the Smoking Gun, which features "celebrities" (use that term lightly) commenting on the clips. I watch two judge shows - People's Court and Judge Judy, which I consider to be, sadly, the classiest of the judge show bunch. And, observing this much of humanity, I can only come to one conclusion - we, as a people, are getting stupider. It must be a result of our anti-Darwinism, where we protect the least fit (and I'm not talking physically, here) from their own bad choices, inadequacies and basic self-destructive natures. That and the fact that smart people, decent, intelligent educated people, seem to have less children overall. Yes, that's a generalization and I know some wonderful families with tons of kids. However, I also see far more ding-dongs with 8 kids by 5 different partners, none of whom I would trust to watch my dirty laundry at the laundromat. For more on the logical outcome of this premise, see the movie Idiocracy. I'm not sure what can be done to reverse this dumbening trend, but I have a few suggestions, not that anyone who needs them will read this blog: 1. If you have to bail him out of jail repeatedly, don't have kids with him. 2. If a friend, significant other, or relative asks you to cosign for something because they have bad credit and can't do it - pause for just a moment and ask yourself - how did he/she get bad credit? From not repaying creditors (that's the people who lend someone money)? This means that someone who has a history of not paying people back is asking you to be responsible for the money they are borrowing from someone else who they are probably not going to pay back. Get it? 3. If you have more than 3 children by more than 3 partners, please get fixed. We don't need you to mix up the gene pool all by yourself, and your kids just have a bigger chance of committing unintentional incest. 4. Watch some of the judge shows and notice how many of the bad stories start out with "We was drinkin' . . ." Alcohol can be fun, but know what kind of drunk you are and stick with a nice comfy buzz. These are just a few guidelines to help you live a happier, healthier life. Thank you.

Jami Needs a Sheldon

I don't know if you watch Big Bang Theory. If you know and love geeks, you should be. If you don't watch the show, the following post may make less sense. I want Sheldon. Not in the biblical sense, or anything like that. I want him as a sort-of pet. I want him to live in my house and say the brilliant things he says and just be him. Yes, I know he is a fictional character, but that's okay. I tend to get crushes on particular characters, not the actors who play them, but this isn't a crush, it's like the way you feel when you see an adorable baby animal on TV that's really not a domesticated animal, but you want one anyway because they're so dang cute, like a cheetah cub or polar bear. See, I get Sheldon and I think his complete lack of social awareness, combined with his brilliance and natural paranoia is adorable. Frequently he says something that is so exactly what I think that I stop the show and say "YES!" or "See??" to the Husband. In this week's episode Sheldon points out that if there are Terminators from the future coming back to destroy certain people, that to disguise them as actors who play Terminators would be the best and most insidious way to insert them into society and I stopped TiVo to say to the Husband "He is absolutely right!! This is why I have been warning you about the robots!! That is absolutely brilliant!" So, if you want the Big Bang Theory and think that there is nothing wrong with how Sheldon behaves because it's exactly what you would do, let's get together. You can live here for minimal rent, occasionally fixing my computer or improving upon our home theatre equipment and I'll learn all your rules and enforce them with my less than enthusiastic family. It's a win-win for you and me, and the Husband will learn to deal. OH - and I just looked back through my previous blogs and realized that I've never warned you, for real, about the robots. Aliens - yes, robots - no. I'll have to get to that one day soon.

Jami Begs Geico: Get a New Agency!

Dear Nice Geico Folks, It's time to seriously reconsider your ad agency. See, at first you had the 90's SNL syndrome - the commercial series started out funny, or at least amusing, but then you beat the joke to death, and then beat it some more, revived it, beat it to death again and then smacked its grave around. Take the Caveman bit for example. Cute, sorta funny. Then increasingly obnoxious. Now, so unfunny that I have heard people in public places boo the TV when they see him. Take the hint from how poorly the show did. Same for the lizard who was waaay funnier before he started talking. Now, though, this pile of money with the googly eyes - it's not even funny to start. It's just dumb. This, in combination with the constant decline from amusing to annoying makes me not want to purchase insurance from you, even if I could save myself the aforementioned pile of money.

Jami Bids the Holidays Farewell

Ah, it's all over, the presents, the food, the decorations, the food, the music, the food and the food. Back to "real life" I guess. But there is some relief, too, in having it all behind us. No more stressing over gifts and schedules and all that jazz. And, you know, the food is finally gone, no longer calling me from the kitchen or parties or wherever and demanding I eat it. My old tradition for taking down the decorations (remember, I had 9 Christmases in my own place before the Hideous Beast Child . . . I mean, before Eddie was born) was as follows: The Husband goes to work. I sleep in, make a large hot pot of tea, put on Lifetime Network's Marathon of Trash (I don't think that's what they actually call it, but still) and take everything down amidst former TV stars facing horrifying dilemmas usually caused by men. It was the only day each year I watch Lifetime. To be honest, I don't even know that we have it on our new FiOS package, but for some reason, it just made it easier to transform the house back to boring-ness. I'd sip hot tea and lovingly wrap Bubble-Blowing Santa back into his box while Meredith Baxter faced her eating disorder or Valerie Bertenelli hid from her drunken abusive ex. Now, however, I really don't want to expose my son to that sort of trash, plus, it's not like I could sit in the middle of the floor with the boxes, wrapping and hot tea all around me. The Tornado of Terror . . . I mean, Eddie would tear through that, unwrapping, breaking, stealing, spilling, etc. And I can't ignore him for that long. I've tried. Without my comforting day of weeping women, I missed a bunch of the decorations, which now sit on the dining room table, waiting for me to get the motivation up to carrying them up to the attic and find the appropriate boxes. They may well still be there next Christmas. So, I don't know who took whose children where and if she ever got them back. Sigh.

Jami Has Been Tagged!

EDW tagged me with this meme, and since I am thereby honor-bound to complete it . . . . Four places I go over and over again: - MOPS: meetings, Moms' Nights Out, you name it - Church - Giant Eagle (our grocery store) - to the fridge Four people who mail me regularly: - Lori - My mom - Stephe (who actually sent me this same meme recently!) - Heidi from MOPS - gotta find out about those Moms' Night Out Four of my favorite places to eat, (apart from home) - Quaker Steak and Lube - Dave and Busters - Eat'N'Park - Anywhere someone brings me food that I didn't cook and don't have to clean up after Four places I'd rather be now: - On a cruise to anywhere warm - At an all-inclusive resort on a nice beach - At the Penguins' game with a beer, pretzel and nachos - Moms' Night Out - really, they're that fun Four favorite TV shows: - The Simpsons! Of course. Not like I'm a total Simpsons geek, but do YOU know Millhouse's middle name? I do. - Psych - hilarious and filled with 80s music. What could be better? - Ugly Betty - soapy, but also smart and with great heart. - the Office - funny and wrong every week Four movies I could watch over and over again: - Serenity (only after you've seen Firefly, though!) - Snakes on a Plane. Seriously, I love this movie. It has it all. - Grosse Point Blank - you have to love this heartwarming tale of a hired killer. - I, Robot - because it's got Will Smith and a great warning. And I choose to add to this meme, after doing the second to last one: Four Shows You Wish They Hadn't Cancelled - Pushing Daisies - a clever, new premise, great actors, hilarity, occasional singing, and great cliffhangers. Oh, and solving murders. Why wouldn't this smart, fun show be cancelled? - Futurama - as evidenced by the three movies released since cancellation, they still had stories to tell - Firefly - Great writing, great acting, great ideas - no advertising, played out of order, gee, wonder why it didn't do well. - Arrested Development - a great push was made for this, too little, too late. This show was so wrongly funny it makes the Office look like Matlock. I don't really have anyone to tag, so I just randomly tag whoever wants to do it. If you don't have a blog, feel free to answer in the comments here. And EDW, you gotta do the last one.

Jami Updates the Info

Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog, which I mentioned before, but had an old link in it, can now be found, in its entirety here, for absolutely free. Go watch it a few times. I love it.

Jami Sings Along with the TV

Did you notice that most shows don’t have theme songs any more, I mean songs with words? Just theme music. It's definitely a change from whem most had original lyrics. M*A*S*H had an instrumental theme, but it was a real song that has words. Hill Street Blues started it all, in my humble and probably wrong opinion. The Simpsons theme, to which the lyrics are "The Simpsons!" seems to have more singing than most of the other shows today.

I assume this is a time consideration, as the ad rates go up, every second counts, and who wants to waste story-telling time on a song that most people are going to fast forward through? I do consider this to be a bit of a loss, though, because who among us (and by us, I mean the people in my generation) can't finish this line "Well I bet we've been together for a millions years. . . . " I don't know how long most theme music time is now, but I know that the themes to Facts of Life, Happy Days, Family Ties and Growing Pains all took me at least 35 seconds to sing, without any intro music. So there ya go.

The Big Bang Theory has a theme song right now, but it's the Barenaked Ladies and they sing it really fast. I think that the lack of sing-along theme songs is quite a loss for us. I've based several party games around TV theme songs, but as the old classics fade away and the new ones have no words, what will become of them? What will the kids of today drunkenly sing in college when they remember the shows of their youth?

There are several instrumental theme songs I really like, that I feel really "fit" the show. Angel is a great one. It's no longer on the air, but from the first time I could hear in the music how it ached. It's so perfect for that show. The Office's pithy music sounds both like fun and somehow like coming home. So I guess the point is, if you can't sing it, at least make sure it feels right.

Jami Crushing

Ah, the Crush. I gotta be honest, dear friends, I love nothing more than love. Crushes, aren't love, they are l-u-v. They are the fun and silly part of luv that you know will never go anywhere. You'll never find the little niggly things that make you want to smack the object of crush in the forehead. They never are annoying or forgetful or snore. That's what's fun. I love luv, too. Paperback Writer, the brilliant friend who got me into blogging (blame her!!), posted this list of her current crushes. It's a fun list and one I agree with on some points. I "get" girl crushes by straight women, just like guys who have man-cruses, but the truth is, I couldn't think of one to save my soul. As I've sort of alluded to here and there, I've had some troubles with girl friends and part of that still lingers, I guess. So, here is my current all-boy crush list. Probably partial, because I'm not spending a lot of time on it: Will Smith - duh, always number one. If Jada weren't so perfect and in great shape . . . Al Yankovic - you may know him as Weird Al. Brilliant. Funny. In shape. Hines Ward - happy, gorgeous and has a Super Bowl Ring. Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory - He's so adorable. I want him as a pet. Johnny Depp - Now with Singing! Steve Buscemi - like a pug, so weird looking, you just have to love him Hank Azaria - could anyone be more under-rated than this guy? Plus, see him starkers in Run, Fatboy, Run Alan Tudyk - just because he played Wash on Firefly and I still think I'm Zoe. Spike from Angel/Buffy - not James Marsters,the actor who played him, I love Spike. Dr. Cox on Scrubs - Again, not the actor, the character. I can love a fictional character - don't judge me. Ewan McGregor - just watch Down with Love and Moulin Rouge and try NOT to luv him. Brad Pitt - cliche? sure, but let's be fair, this man's just plain tasty. Jay (of Jay and Silent Bob) - the real Jason Mewes is probably very nice, but again, it's Jay that got my heart. Val Kilmer - never could "get" why Tom Cruise was the star of Top Gun, who even noticed him next to Val? Even with the weird "teeth snap" thing. He sings, too, check out Top Secret. The Rock - He's just big and like, meanly pretty. I don't know what that means, but it's what's I think. M. Night Shyamalan - Not a great actor, but a neat brain and Indian men seem to like me Naveen Andrews- Hot, plus he's Indian, see above. Jay Chandrasekhar - continuing with my Indian theme, smart, funny and the director of the Broken Lizard's movies, which earns him extra props. Data - Shut up. I love him. Harrison Ford - who could be hotter than Han Solo AND Indiana Jones? no one, that's who. and briefly, people I would have a crush on, but they are flawed: Jack Black- smart, funny, sings, BUT he'd have to be able to turn it off, or I'd have to put a barbecue fork through his tongue. Penn Jillette - he's tall, he's funny, he's smart. But he's soooooo outspokenly atheist, I just can't get past it. Peter Tork - it is with great regret I move Pete to this list from the above, but he's just getting a bit too old. John Cusack - I love him, but really, it's just the brotherly way. Michael Cera - adorable and great comedic timing, but just too young. Robert Downey, Jr. - Dude - STOP DOING DRUGS. Thank you. River Pheonix - Beautiful, talented, but you know, dead. And finally - Sarah Silverman- adorable and so hilarious, but a chick. That's all for now, folks. Feel free to share or discuss.

Jami and the Judges

I love my "judge shows". Judge Judy and the People's Court amuse me daily and keep me informed of important legal principals, such as don't give someone cash without getting a receipt. I know, you'd never have thought of that, would you? My question is, who would agree to go on one of these shows? I mean, let's face it, in every single case, at least one of the parties ends up looking like a jerk or a moron. Sometimes, both sides end up being humiliated. So, if you go on the show, you've got at least a 50-50 chance of making a big ol' fool out of yourself. And yet, there are so many fools, that they had to start making more of these judge shows. I don't watch the others. I can only take so much. What really gets to me are the people who have been so egregiously stupid and feel like someone should give them money for that, such as "Well, yes, I continued to 'lend' thousands of dollars to my known drug addict boyfriend even though he never paid me back a cent of the previously loans, but I absolutely expected to get it all back." Or "I added my new friend that I'd known for all of three days to my cell phone plan, and I can't believe that she'd run the bill up on me and not pay." The defense today to why someone didn't pay their rent "I shouldn't have signed that lease because I couldn't afford it, so I don't think I should have to pay it." Sometimes I take a break from these shows to allow my faith in humanity to rebuild itself. But no matter how long I stay away, when I come back, there's always someone explaining that even though they totalled the car because they were driving drunk, it's really someone else's fault . . . sigh . . .