Jami Thinks You Need Your Head Examined If You Thought That Was Appropriate For Your Daughter

I get Halloween, at least the dressing up part. Pretending to be something or someone else and acting silly - I can totally get into that. I love the imagination of it, and come on, it's all for fun. Yes, it's all fun, until your grade-schooler looks like a whore. As a whole, we've grown accustomed to the sexy costumes for adult women. I'm not saying that's good or bad, if you're grown, you can dress like a sexy witch or hot nurse or slutty zebra for all I care. Depending on your age and figure you might even be able to carry it. Or you might look ridiculous and pathetic, but if you've reached your majority and you decide in whatever wisdom you've managed to achieve that it's a good choice - have at it. But as much as that's fine for adults, that does not make it hunky-dory for tots. Kids like to do what adults do. That doesn't mean they should. My preschooler would like to drive the car. He thinks he could do it and he really wants to. That doesn't mean I'll let him. So even if your second grader deeply loves the sexy devil costume, that doesn't mean she should wear it. I was deeply shocked by some of the costumes I have seen so far this year. The sexy devil - a girl I'd guess not more than 7 or 8, with full Miss America style pageant make up and teased up hair. Here's a pic of a similar costume. I'm so glad it has keyhole cleavage and is belly-bearing, because it's typically so warm this time of year in most of the US. I'm not sure if it's more disturbing than this one or not. I saw a few scantily clad "witches", a catsuit so tight it would make Halle Berry blush and what I think was supposed to be a Vegas dancer. No, sadly, I am not making any of that up. Most horrifying, in my never-humble opinion, was a girl in an orange mini-dress. She had torn up fishnet stockings and high black heeled shoes, the kind you might refer to (but in reference to a child I never would) as FMPs. The dress had a number printed on the front lapel and a matching orange pillbox-style cap. I looked and looked and looked at her and could not figure out what the heck she was supposed to be. I asked an adult in the group she was with, who apparently was not the girl's mother. She had the decency to look embarrassed, and said "Uh, I think she's a prisoner. You know, like a jail inmate." Sure enough the girl (maybe 10 at the MOST, if she was very tall for her age) turned around and "Department of Corrections" was stenciled on the back. Do I even need to start the list of the things wrong with that??? If I do, please stop reading this now, turn your children into the local fire department and have yourself fixed. Please. I didn't find the link to the children's one and frankly, don't want to see it again, but here's the exact costume she was wearing, on a grown woman - except it is longer on the adult. I feared what would happen if this girl had to bend down to pick up a dropped candy. What's the thinking on the parents' part here?? What is going through your head when your baby girl says she wants to buy 4 inch patent leather heels to go with her nurse outfit and you say "Okay"??? Seriously, I cannot even think of a way to justify that in my head. If you are so unbelievably wussy as to be arguing that "everyone else is doing it" or that "she doesn't know what it means" or some such, put yourself in time out. It's not just how the girls see themselves, what are you advertising when you send her out like that? You know the answer. Man up and tell your daughter "no!" But folks, here's the hard truth. While it should horrify us beyond words that they make such costumes for little girls, they do it because someone will buy it. If no one bought a skimpy outfit for their daughter, next year none would be made, because they corporations only make what they can sell. Look horrified when you see a child dressed like that,especially if the parents are around. I'm all for being nice to kids, but I would never tell that girl that she looked cute or good. There's no need to be rude, but we do girls no favors when we tell them it's okay to dress like that at their age.

Jami Doesn't Dig the Pain

The Husband and I are watching Man vs. Food, a show we watch on occasion when a food he's attempting looks particularly gigantic or bizarre. The one we have on here involves hot wings so hot that only 3 people in the world have managed to eat 12. The Scoville rating of these wings is estimated around 1,000,000, though I have to believe that is a gimmick, but it does have a habanero extract sauce, plus is dredged in hot sauce before being breaded. It's hot, is what I'm saying. SPOILER ALERT: he makes it. Then there is a commercial for the next episode where he plans to eat a chili 9x hotter than a habanero pepper. And here's the thing: I don't get it. I like spicy foods. I craved spicy when I was pregnant. Spicy - yes. But burning my tongue until I cry? Um, no. I don't get eating food that causes you pain. I like food. I eat food for fun, not to hurt. It's the same reason I hate weepy-drama chick flicks - I want to be amused, not depressed. Real life is depressing, show me something funny. Plenty of things in life hurt, my food shouldn't be one of them. I don't get tattoos or piercings, I don't run marathons, and I don't slam dance in mosh pits; hurts = no fun. I want my food to be yummers and fun to eat, not melt my face off and in a few hours come shooting out my butt leaving a flaming vapor trail. That's all.

Jami Wants to Know, What's Up with the Dogs?

This may be one of the most important questions of our day. What's up with the non-talking dogs? I know what you're thinking - aren't dogs supposed to be non-talking? Generally, my answer would be yes, but what I'm referring to here are the many instances where in children's shows/movies every critter talks, except the dogs. You probably first noted this phenomenon with the Mickey Mouse cartoons. You've got talking mice, ducks, cats, cows, and whatever the heck Goofy is, (yes, I know officially he's a "goof" but that doesn't really clear much up, does it?) and yet Pluto, the dog, doesn't talk. He barks, of course, and Mickey seems to able to understand him (in the "What is it, boy? You want a treat?" sense.) Big deal, you say, in Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse, everything talks, except the dog. Who cares? Well, if that were the end of it, not me. Everyone's allowed some creative license, right? But the conspiracy goes so much deeper.... Watch Sesame Street? Who talks on that? Birds, frogs, monsters, grouches, you name it. Who doesn't? That's right, Barkley. The dog!! Even this website notes that while Barkley understands two sign commands, he doesn't speak. But he barks, of course. My son watches a show called Word World. In Word World, things are made of the letters that spell them. Yeah, it makes very little sense, but he's five. The main characters are: Ant, Sheep, Pig, Duck, Bear and Dog. There are also some regular guests: Frog, Bug, Fly, Shark and Cat. Guess which ones talk? If you said "all of them.. except Dog, of course" You'd be right. And then we have the most puzzling of all, Blue's Clue. For the uninformed (meaning, you don't have small children), Blue is an animated dog who has a live-action human friend (Joe or Steve, depending on the season) for whom she leaves clues about what she wants by putting her paw print on things. So, let's say Blue wants to have lemonade (sure, she can, it's a cartoon), she might leave paw prints the following clues: a pitcher with ice, some lemons, sugar. Got it? In Blue's world EVERYTHING talks, not just living things. Her salt and pepper shakers are married and have spice babies (I am not making that up). The mailbox sings. The sidetable drawer talks. With all this, certainly the star of the show, Blue herself can talk, right? Well, no. Only in the spin off, Blue's Room, where even the theme song sounds surprised "Blue can talk!!" Interestingly, in this, she's not animated, she's a puppet. Last example, Max from the Little Mermaid. All the creatures in that talk and sing and conspire - Max, the prince's dog, just barks and drools. What's up with that? Is it some sort of conspiracy? If so, why? I just know, it seems sinister.

Jami and the Least Favorite Pair of Underwear

I am doing laundry today because if I don't, tomorrow I will have to wear my least favorite pair of underwear. I'm not going to give you any details. It's a style I normally wear, and a decent color. The cut is just slightly different, I think, than other pairs in this style and the material too thick or something. See, the thing is, they aren't uncomfortable enough to throw them out in good conscious, and they're not at all worn out (since I wear them only when I seriously slack off on the laundry). They aren't particularly sexy or unsexy, they just sort of are. And, if it comes down to any other pair I own or them, I will always go for the other pair. Then, if I can, I will do laundry that day. The question that has occurred to me is - why do I keep these underwear? You might say that they serve a purpose: to remind me, if I've been lazy, that it's time to do laundry. But let's be honest, if I didn't have that pair, what would happen if I got down that low? I'd do laundry because instead of having the least favorite pair to wear, I'd have none. Or, I'd do laundry when I realized that I only had one left, least favorite or not. In the grand scheme of things, I don't recall how much they cost, I've had them for several years at least, and I'm sure they weren't that expensive. Even if I pitched them and felt the need to replace the pair, they have some on sale at WalMart for $2, so I wouldn't be breaking the bank. And yet, I keep thinking: but they aren't torn or anything. The elastic hasn't broken. They're still good. I can't donate them - even if Goodwill or somewhere takes used undies, I just can't do that. I couldn't buy them, so I won't give them. I certainly am not going to FreeCycle one pair of uncomfortable (to me) panties. I have a sneaking suspicion that I could find someone on Craigslist to buy them, but uh... no. And then the final thought that occurs to me. No matter how many pairs I have, one pair will always have to be the least favorite. I mean, let's face it - in any set of anything, there is a best and a worst. If I got down to two pairs, I'd still most likely prefer one to the other. That's the way the world is. So I'll throw the next load of clothes in the dryer, and another set in the washer. by the time I go to bed, the drawer will be brimming with warm dry undergarments, and the least favorite underwear will be buried until the next time I slack off this long. Perhaps they will last me for the rest of my life, never wearing out since they are almost never worn. My legacy - the least favorite pair of underwear.

Jami and the Very Cute Kids

There's no doubt, my boys are adorable. Totally different looking, but both absolutely too cute. I know that most little ones have a cuteness about them that cannot be denied and let's face it, when we love someone, they are more attractive to us. But, there are a few babies and toddlers that I've seen that frankly, are just not that good looking. I'm not talking about birth defects or anything like that. Just kids that aren't that cute. It's not their fault and there's nothing really wrong with the kids, just, you know - not great. And yes, I know there was a Seinfeld episode about that. It's actually one of the two I have seen all of and I only watched it because people kept telling me about it. Anyway, my question is (and this is a hypothetical, so don't take offense): If you are the parent of a baby who isn't that cute, do you know it? Not that you don't think they are cute, but objectively, can you tell? My guess is no. I actually had an acquaintance (no, not you) who had a child who was very sweet and bright and pleasant and kinda weird looking. The mother actually said to me at one point that they were considering doing some of those beautiful baby contests because "they aren't that expense to enter and she'd obviously win". Hmmm. Now, growing up we had an odd-looking dog. Hair hanging down off of her ears, stripes across her back, just kinda overall different. I thought she was very cute, but I also knew that by society's standards, she wouldn't be winning any dog shows, even if she had a pedigree. But a dog, for most folk, is not the same as a child. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all children are beautiful simply by virtue of being children. I may be the only person who didn't find the Olsen twins cute as toddlers. But I'm just going to put it out there - do people with weird babies know it? Discuss.

Jami Wants Your Opinion

Years ago, I had a friend who was one of those friends you are certain will be a friend for life. You've pictured her sharing in the life moments ahead - weddings, children, hard times, good times. You've already been there for each other through ups and downs on both sides and it's not one of those friendships that you can imagine fading. Then, she hit a particularly tough patch. Nothing I'd wish on an enemy, and certainly not on a friend. I can't prove I did all I could, but I supported her in every way I could think of, and here's the interesting part - once she had come safely through the worst of it, she ditched me. Stopped returning calls, started cancelling plans at the last minute and never rescheduling. I took the message and let her slip away. Turns out this happened with several of the people who helped her through that time. I won't lie, I hurt over it. Mourned the loss. Questioned my actions, wondered about forcing the issue. But in the end, I said goodbye, I healed, I moved on. Of course, these are the days of FaceBook. And today, her face and name popped up. We have mutual friends. FB thinks we should be friends. I wonder, have I been suggested to her and she's not interested? Maybe she remembers and is embarrassed about how things went - I would be. My instinct is to ignore the suggestion, confirm her as a friend if she adds me, but not go after her. Honestly, I'm vaguely curious as to what she's been up to, but it's not going to keep me up tonight. So what do you think? Am I being petty not friending the one who de-friended me in real life? Or would it be sort of weird to reach out to someone who made it clear they weren't interested, even if that was going on a decade ago? Or am I nuts to even ponder this? It's just Facebook, Jami - who cares who you "friend"? Discuss.

Jami Doesn't Get It

There are plenty of sayings and idioms that make sense to me, but many remain mysteries, even to a brilliant woman like me. For example, I have often heard that a particular food is "So good you'll slap your mama." Why on earth would I slap my mother just because some food is delicious? Wouldn't I be more likely to share it with her? "So good you'll take some home to your mama." The whole thing of doing something to me and calling me something else. You know, (verb) my (noun) and call me a(n) (noun). The one I've heard most often is "slap my butt and call me Susan." What does that mean?? I know several Susans and if you slap their butts, you will probably get punched in the nose. How about "Punch my nose and call me a Susan-slapper." The one about buttering my buns and call me a (variety of bread options go here) at least makes sense in that context, but really, how does that express your surprise? I just don't get it. My favorite comes from my college radio station. We had a liner which said "(station name) where we be kickin' butt and cookin' chickens". I have no idea what that means. No one had any idea what that means, including the person who recorded it. No one ever took credit for writing it. Be we all loved it and aired it all the time. Probably due to the high concentration of Comedy K's (for more on this topic see the Simpsons, Neil Simon, Star Trek TNG). Just sayin'.

Jami Worries about White and Wrong

Have you seen the commercials where they show you the two socks, one washed with "detergent only" and one with bleach added? If you haven't, I'm sorry to spoil the ending, but the bleached one is white. Blindingly, shockingly WHITE. (I tried to make that text white with a black highlight, but the code I know didn't work in blogger. Anyway .. .) Yes, the other sock, by comparison, looks a bit dingy. It looks, well, like a sock that has actually been worn. Oh dear! Am I cursing my family to wear less-than-white socks? Yes. I surely am. Don't get me wrong, as a nearly germ-a-phobe, I'm a huge fan of bleach. I bleach the sinks, the toilet, the tub, all sorts of things. But I don't add it to my whites. Why? Because it's not needed there. That sock in the commercial? Pause your TiVo or DVR and put your hand over the shiny white bleached sock and take a look at the other one. Looks fine. See, without the immediate comparison, it's totally clean and white enough. So why would I pour a good germ-killing cleaner into the washing machine when no one will be looking that closely at my family's socks? Bleach costs money (this is why they want you to use it, in case you didn't understand their motivation), and I have never, in my life, noticed that someone's socks are clean, but not-quite-as-white as they should be. This also reminds me of the old "ring-around-the-collar" commercials. I found them slightly disturbing: 1. What IS that ring?? Are these business men wearing make-up or something? 2. How close to my husband do you have to be to discover the ring on the inside of his shirt and if you're that close, I think we're going to have a bigger problem than some phantom ring. 3. Has anyone EVER noticed anyone else's ring around the collar? If so, did you immediately think "Gee, his wife must be a sucky laundress?" Or did you think "Dang, that guy needs to shower more?" which is what I personally would think. That's all.

Jami Wants to Know What's Up With the Braille

I get braille on the elevator buttons. You never know which floors are L and M or B or whatever or which number the floors start with. That's helpful to blind folk. They can find the right floor. Braille on menus is great and I even sort of get it on the restroom doors. It's nice to be able to be sure you're going into the right one, even if you can't see what might be inside. It's all these other signs, almost randomly placed in buildings, that have braille on them that I don't get. Like the No Smoking signs. First off, pretty much any building you're in that's not a private home is non-smoking, so you can follow the basic, "if I'm indoors, I shouldn't smoke" rule, and if you're a blind person and you don't know if you're in or out, you have bigger problems than needing a cigarette. Second, the signs are always in the middle of a wall, at eye height. Ever see a blind person strolling down the hall running his hand along the wall up at eye level? No. That's ridiculous. I've seen the same sort of thing with "Staircase" signs, floor number signs and more. At some trolley stops there are with the name of the stop on them, in all different places - several I've seen are well overhead. One, I kid you not, is in the median area of the driveway leading to the parking lot. So you'd have to be walking IN THE ROAD to stumble across this sign, which you would then stop to "read" (while hopefully not getting hit by a commuter rushing to get the T) to find out that you are near the station. Of course, this will do you little good since it doesn't tell you which direction the station is in. My personal favorite of all time, from long before I had a cell phone with a camera on it, was "No Parking". Nice big No Parking sign, with the appropriate (I'm guessing) braille beneath it. What would a blind person be parking?? Or, I guess, NOT parking?? I hold out hope, deep in my soul, that the braille actually said "It should be safe to stand here, but don't count on it - people never read these signs."

Jami Doesn't Do That

There are many, many, many things that people do that I don't understand. I'm never going to understand humans on the whole, you know? Too much out there that is way beyond my comprehension, on many levels. But one that never fails to confound me is how people have "one night stands" or "hook up" with strangers. Ick!! You don't know where (or who) that person has been (with). I can not understand getting nekkid in front of a stranger. I've had the same doctor for 10 years and I still use the nice paper outfit for her. And rubbing your private bits on someone else's who you don't even know their last name?? I don't even like shaking hands with strangers. The people who just meet you and hug make me shudder. Yet after a few drinks worth of chat you want to get as close to someone else as humanly possible with as much of your bodies can touch? Ewwwww. No. Just saying.

Jami and That Homeless Guy

Did you ever see something that just stuck with you? I was downtown a few days ago and walked by the park that I used to be able to see from my office window. I immediately flashed back to a day when a coworker and I sat at the window for about 35 minutes and watched a homeless guy walk around that park, luring pigeons. See, we started watching because he was clearly trying to get the pigeons to come to him and it wasn't really working. He'd throw some food at them and then run to where they flocked to eat it. The process was hilarious, and I'd called her over to watch with me. Then, suddenly changing strategy, he sat down and took out handfuls of something (food??) from his coat pockets. He put one arm all the way out and the other about halfway down that arm. And to our utter shock, one of the pigeons landed on his outstretched hand. Faster than you'd believe possible - he closed the other hand on it and had a pigeon. We sat stunned, as he stuffed it into a nearby duffel bag and repeated the procedure. FIVE TIMES. We debated calling someone - who do you call about a homeless man nabbing pigeons?? Is it even illegal? We didn't know and before we could even take action, he picked up his pigeon-laden bag and strolled off. There are too many unanswered questions on that one to even start asking, so I'll just say: every now and then I think about That Homeless Guy. And his 6 captured pigeons. And wonder.

Jami the Fast Food Pusher

Yes, I know that it's not good for you. I know that it's full of fat and salt and sugar. But, I am telling you this as a fact - McDonald's food cures a variety of ailments. It's just true. Here's the thing. When I have a cold, or feel one coming on. I use my 5 point plan of defeating the cold:

1. Zicam
2. Steamy showers
3. Rest
4. Cold medicine
5. Double-cheeseburger and an alcoholic beverage for dinner.

Works every time. If I do this for one day, I will be noticeably better the next. Ask the Husband, it's the truth.

Last week, I realized that when I have a stomach ailment that, if I get an order of McNuggets (and fries if I haven't eaten in more than about 18 hours) as soon as the idea of food doesn't make me nauseous, even if I still feel bad, the nuggets fix the problem as I digest. It's just true. It's one more reason I don't want to get pregnant. If I have morning sickness I'll have to eat nuggets every day and have the first baby born with high cholesterol and a desire to dunk his breast milk.

Now, I didn't see Supersize Me, and don't really have the desire to. I don't see how it can be news that if you eat at Mickey-D's thrice daily you will get fat. But, having not seen it, I will venture a guess - that the entire time he was on the all-Mac diet, he didn't have a cold or the flu. Right? Of course not. He was eating the Magic Common Ailment Cure foods daily. Fat, but not ill. Oh, and one of my friends told me that nothing cures a hangover faster than a Quarter Pounder with Cheese and a Coke.

I'm guessing that they can't advertise this fact because it will spill the beans that they are putting some sort of magic addictive deliciousness drugs in the food.

Jami Has an ADD Post

I mentioned yesterday that my poor brain is tired. This makes focusing even more of a challenge for us ADD folks. So here's what's rattlin' around the old bean. Why did macaroni and cheese make such a big hit, when shells and cheese is clearly superior? Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally in love with mac and cheese in all its many delicious forms, but shells are obviously better suited to holding cheese. Were the shells invented after the macaroni variety took off? I just wonder. I wonder what happened before people settled on “left” and “right”. I mean, the cavemen must have had to give each other directions to each other, perhaps to where they had felled the mammoth for dinner that night. So if they didn’t have formalized directions, it must have been much harder. Maybe this is why the modern man still doesn’t want to ask for directions; it’s ingrained in him since prehistoric times that it just won’t help. Why isn’t the spork more popular? It seems it would make place settings easier. I don’t have enough experience with them to know if there are ways that a fork and spoon separately are superior. How can homeless people afford to smoke? Even if they are always bumming cigarettes off of other people, how did they get started? If you can’t afford a home and food, I can’t imagine blowing $5 on a pack of cigs when you could get actual food or at least some alcohol for that much. Alcohol might not be any better for you, but at least it can make you feel better about not having a home. Drinking I get, smoking – no. When will they invent the soda can that can be resealed by the consumer? Why does pop taste better from cans? Is it absorbing the metal? Am I going to die from heavy metal poisoning? The bad kind, not the Metallica kind. I really like mints and of course I enjoy chocolate, but I no longer like them together. I used to love those Thin Mints, but now I’d rather not even have a cookie, and that’s saying a lot. Okay, I love you, Bye-bye (100 points if you get the cartoon reference)

Jami Tries to Maintain Sanity

This is the sort of thing that drives parents over the edge. In a parenting magazine I flipped through at a friend's house, an article on choking hazards says "Until your child is four, peel and quarter his grapes." That's right, peel and quarter his grapes. Now, we did cut up Eddie's grapes when he was smaller and those parents with children who don't chew properly should absolutely at least cut those suckers in half, but peel?? Until he's FOUR? Come on. Another magazine to which I used to have a subscription had, in the nutrition section, the suggestion that for children ages 1-2 wheat toast with peanut butter spread very thinly was an excellent source of protein and fiber. 20 pages later in the same issue of the same magazine, an article on deadly allergies mentioned that to prevent children from developing allergies and also to give them a better chance of survival if do have a reaction, certain things should be introduced later. Like peanuts and tree nuts which shouldn't be given to children until at least age 3. So, it's a great source of protein, but for goodness sake, don't actually feed your children that. Now, most of the moms I know strike a pretty good balance between the way-too-lenient and the nutso-over-safe. It's a tough walk, because of the advice, like the above, where you just don't know what to believe. I especially feel for new moms who maybe don't have a lot of experience with children and who don't have the mommy-friends to bring them back down to sanity when they feel the need to buy one of these or maybe even this (which looks cool, but please). They are the ones most likely to get sucked into the "DO THIS OR YOUR BABY WILL DIE!!" pitches and lose their minds. When did human babies become more fragile than cotton candy? On the other hand, if you need one of these to remind you that your own child is in your freaking car, you should not be reproducing. If you can't remember that you have your kid, you shouldn't have one. Just my personal opinion.

Jami and the Annoying Little Photos

I know, I know, I sort of have a bit of a theme going here, but. . . Will someone please explain the point of the "keepsake" size photos they force you to take with any package at the various portrait studios? I have to wonder who even came up with this idea; I can't imagine people saying "you know, these wallet sized pictures are just far too big. I sure wish I had something really tiny." What on earth is the point of these itty-bitty pics? I know what you're thinking: They are great for lockets, like the beautiful one you got for Mothers' Day. And you're absolutely right. But what the *&%$$# am I supposed to do with the other 23 that came with the package? Give them to the grandparents who won't be able to even see the picture without a viewing device? Give them to friends who will do what with them?? And yes, I am aware that they sell tiny little frames for them and ornaments you can put them in and whatnot, but that's only because no one could figure out what else to do with those little suckers. Hey, Portrait Studios - do people ever order extra sheets of the "keepsake size"? No, and you know why? No one wants them. Give me 8 wallets for my 24 keepsakes. Give me ONE normal size picture.

Jami and the Annoying Commercial

I am sure others have blogged about this in random places, but there is a commercial airing AGAIN this year that makes me crazy (crazier). It's for a local amusement park, Kennywood, and it starts with a nice voice-over man saying something like "if you're like me, the words 'KENNYWOOD'S OPEN' means that it's summer". No. NO NO NO! What idiot wrote and approved this ad?? To every native Pittsburgher, and probably plenty of transplants who have lived here a good while, "Kennywood's open" means that your fly is down. And, if someone is yelling it, as the person in the radio ad is, it means that your fly is down in front of a large group of people who are now laughing at you. So let's assume that some out-of-town agency scripted this masterpiece. They never heard anyone politely mutter "hey - Kennywood's open" so that they can inconspicuously fix the problem. Okay, but then someone at Kennywood must have approved it. Who works for Kennywood and doesn't know that?? It's just wrong. Please, people, write a more appropriate commercial that doesn't make you look so stupid. Thanks.

Jami Rereads a Book

I love to read and the books I really enjoy, I'll read over and over. There are books that I have probably read 10 time that I still cry at the sad parts and giggle out loud at the funny parts. I like a good story and it's okay if I know it. When I find an author I like, I tend to "out-read" him/her, that is, to read everything I can find that he/she has written until I'm caught up and waiting for more. I have several authors that I tend to buy (used) because I know I'll keep reading them. That's not the point of this post, just getting us on the same page. A couple days ago, Eddie had gotten enough into his trains that he wouldn't notice if I stopped pushing my one assigned train and read. However, the book I am currently trying to find time to read waited for me downstairs, meaning that to get it, I'd have to stand up and walk out of the room, drawing attention to the fact that I'd stopped playing trains. In my reach, on the upstairs bookcase, sat a book by one of my favorite authors, albeit the one book by her that I didn't like. It'd been so long since the last time I read it, I couldn't remember why I hadn't liked it. I'm not going to tell you the title or author, because that's not the point of this story, either. I picked it up, figuring it would keep me entertained for whatever brief time I had and then when I reached the point where I remembered why I hadn't liked it, I'd put it back. But, I never reached that point. I read the thing, cover to cover, in a couple of days. I really enjoyed the story, even when I got around to remembering the ending, just a chapter or so before I got there. So what happened the previous reading? I don't know, but I have some guesses. The author is generally reputed as writing comedic novels and this story wasn't funny. I mean, a few places where I chuckled, but not a hilarious romp through anything. Maybe I'd started it expecting a good laugh and been disappointed, so I'd missed the goodness of the story. I can tell you that it's probably been 5 years since I first read it, and I'm a different me than I was before Eddie was born, before I became a full-time Mommy, before some of the other things that I've experienced in that time. Maybe I just wasn't ready for the story then and now I am. It makes me wonder what things in life we experienced at just the wrong time. If I hadn't bought this book, just borrowed it from the library and returned it, I'd never have read it again, and I wouldn't know that it really is a good story. What other books or movies or places or people have I come across when I had the wrong attitude or expectations or emotions or maturity? How can I ever know?

Jami, By Any Other Name . . .

Will someone please explain celebrity perfumes to me? First, how can the perfume smell like the celebrity since he/she probably already wears a scent that exists? Hmm. Also, I get the idea that wearing the make-up/clothing line/ hair color that a celeb makes you think you look more like that celebrity (please note: it doesn't). But why on earth would you want to smell like Paris Hilton, Ashley Olsen or Antonio Banderas? Your friends won't think "Gee, Bob really smells like Beckham" because, and stay with me here, your friends don't know what Beckham smells like. We know what they look like, and maybe you can recognize the voice of your favorite famous people, but you don't know what they smell like and neither does anyone you're trying to impress. Today I saw scents for: Celine Dion Shania Twain Mary Kate Olsen Ashley Olsen Paris Hilton Britney Spears Mariah Carey Beyonce David Beckham Posh Beckham Sean John Jennifer Lopez Antonio Banderas And that's just off the top of my head. Also, Britney Spears' scent is called "Curious". Please - what could that girl possibly be curious about at this point? Or, do they mean it in the odd sense, like "curiouser and curiouser"? Just saying.

Jami May Need Pomegranates

Did I miss a meeting? Do pomegranates cure every known ailment including toe fungus? Because over the last few months, the number of products features pomegranate has exploded, and not just the edible ones, either. I mean, sure, there's pomegranate teas, juices, lemonades, flavored waters, breakfast bars, cough drops, cookies, cereals and diet drink mixes, but there's also pomegranate shampoos, conditioner, body lotion, body spray, candles, make-up, lip gloss, finger nail polish, deodorant, cologne spray and I kid you not - disinfectant. I am sure the pomegranate is a fine and noble fruit. I just don't know why it's invading. Should I be worried?

Jami Thinks We Need More Choices and Less Choices

Why are there literally hundreds of laundry soaps for me to choose from, but only three (and soon only two) candidates for the presidency? Does this make sense to anyone? I thought about this at the store the other day when it occurred to me that one of the problems we have is way too many totally trivial choices. I watched an older woman and her adult son try to figure out which garbage bags she needed. She really sort of gave up and chose one almost at random, despite her son wondering if it was the correct size. "I just don't care". I watched a mother with two small kids in her cart reading the labels on laundry detergent. For just one brand, just one brand, mind you, there were more than 30 options. Not including fabric softeners, additives, stain removers. Just laundry soap. Just one brand. How is this necessary? Why are they still introducing more? Improve it, or it leave it. We don't need to hit 40. And then I got into my car to go home and heard a talk show host lamenting the choices left to us in the upcoming election. Hillary? Obama? McCain? And most likely, it'll be just McCain and one other very soon. For my clothes, I can pick from literally hundreds of probably equally good choices, but for the leader of my country, I get this or that??? A friend of mine from another county told me that in his native country, especially in local elections, there can be upwards of 20 candidates for a position. Now that's choice where it should be. I don't have a solution, I'm just suggesting that maybe it matters more who runs my country than whether my hoodies smell "Rain Fresh" or "Spring Breeze".