Jami's Open Letter To Elsbeth (not her real name)

My friend, let's call her Elsbeth, has a bad back. Reeeeallly bad. Surgery followed by 6 weeks in bed bad. So I'm trying to think of ways to avoid the surgery, because that's the kind of friend I am. Dear Elsbeth (not your real name), I know you did not care for my idea of whacking your back with a hockey stick and then splinting you on all sides with more hockey sticks and duct tape. Okay, that was a little inconvenient. But last night, as I lay in bed, the answer popped into my head. Dr. Octopus's extra arm thing from Spider-Man 2! It goes right into the spine, holds it in any position that you want and it will enable you to do all the things you love but haven't been able to enjoy because of your back, like stepping over cars, stopping subway trains and throwing little old ladies off of buildings. What mother wouldn't benefit from having extra arms? Not one, I tell you. Now, you might be concerned, if you've seen the movie, about how the arms made Dr. Ock a bit evil. Well, first of, let's just admit that you're well down that path all on your own. Second, the arms only wanted to commit crime to help Dr. Ock complete that big fake sun thing. I know that you have no desire to work on that sort of science-y thing, so how could it go wrong? Would it want you to make an evil casserole? So, Elsbeth, just days before your surgery, I pull out the perfect solution. You're welcome and I know you feel lucky to have me as a friend. Regards, Jami

Jami Wants to Know, What's Up with the Dogs?

This may be one of the most important questions of our day. What's up with the non-talking dogs? I know what you're thinking - aren't dogs supposed to be non-talking? Generally, my answer would be yes, but what I'm referring to here are the many instances where in children's shows/movies every critter talks, except the dogs. You probably first noted this phenomenon with the Mickey Mouse cartoons. You've got talking mice, ducks, cats, cows, and whatever the heck Goofy is, (yes, I know officially he's a "goof" but that doesn't really clear much up, does it?) and yet Pluto, the dog, doesn't talk. He barks, of course, and Mickey seems to able to understand him (in the "What is it, boy? You want a treat?" sense.) Big deal, you say, in Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse, everything talks, except the dog. Who cares? Well, if that were the end of it, not me. Everyone's allowed some creative license, right? But the conspiracy goes so much deeper.... Watch Sesame Street? Who talks on that? Birds, frogs, monsters, grouches, you name it. Who doesn't? That's right, Barkley. The dog!! Even this website notes that while Barkley understands two sign commands, he doesn't speak. But he barks, of course. My son watches a show called Word World. In Word World, things are made of the letters that spell them. Yeah, it makes very little sense, but he's five. The main characters are: Ant, Sheep, Pig, Duck, Bear and Dog. There are also some regular guests: Frog, Bug, Fly, Shark and Cat. Guess which ones talk? If you said "all of them.. except Dog, of course" You'd be right. And then we have the most puzzling of all, Blue's Clue. For the uninformed (meaning, you don't have small children), Blue is an animated dog who has a live-action human friend (Joe or Steve, depending on the season) for whom she leaves clues about what she wants by putting her paw print on things. So, let's say Blue wants to have lemonade (sure, she can, it's a cartoon), she might leave paw prints the following clues: a pitcher with ice, some lemons, sugar. Got it? In Blue's world EVERYTHING talks, not just living things. Her salt and pepper shakers are married and have spice babies (I am not making that up). The mailbox sings. The sidetable drawer talks. With all this, certainly the star of the show, Blue herself can talk, right? Well, no. Only in the spin off, Blue's Room, where even the theme song sounds surprised "Blue can talk!!" Interestingly, in this, she's not animated, she's a puppet. Last example, Max from the Little Mermaid. All the creatures in that talk and sing and conspire - Max, the prince's dog, just barks and drools. What's up with that? Is it some sort of conspiracy? If so, why? I just know, it seems sinister.

Jami Discuss the new Karate Kid Movie - Sorta Spoilers

This is not a review. If you've seen the 80s version of Karate Kid, then nothing I tell you is going to be a spoiler here, either. I saw Karate Kid the other night, mostly because it was the second movie at the drive in, otherwise, I probably would have waited for the DVD to come out. Unless you are a big fan of Jaden Smith and feel you must see it immediately, I wouldn't say you have to run out and see it tonight. It's basically the same movie you saw in the 80s, just change NJ to Detroit, California to China and unhappy high school kid to unhappy 12 year old. Oh, and even though it's called Karate Kid, he learns Kung Fu, not karate. But you know, details. Okay, so first of, Jaden Smith is crazy-stupid talented. He is ridiculously young to have as much screen presence as he has. You have to watch him. Now, don't get me wrong, because I love me some Will Smith, but Jaden has more real presence - Will has charisma, if you get the difference. He doesn't feel like he's acting, even when he cries, when IMO, kids are the most obviously faking. He emotes in subtle, skillful ways. This kid has serious natural talent, and I'm not even talking about the ridiculously impossible-looking physical stuff he does. And the fact that, as the Husband put it, "No 12-year-old should be that ripped." As for the movie, I have to say that one things seriously disturbed me. Okay, so the character "Dre" and his mom move to China, from Detroit. Dre speaks no Chinese. The first day they are there, his mom sends him to find the maintainence guy to fix the hot water. Which for some reason requires him leaving the building and wandering around a bit. He finds the guy and then wanders over to the park for awhile. And even though he comes home after dark, his mom does not seem to be freaked out and frantically searching for him. A 12-year-old, gone for hours in a strange city where he doesn't know anyone or speak the language. But she's ASLEEP when he gets home. Hmmm. Okay. I'll let it go because they have to get him to find his Mr. Miyagi (who in this case is Mr. Han). Then, a day or so later, he tells her he is going to Mr. Han's house to learn Kung Fu. Now, maybe I'm over-protective, but I said to the Husband, "She's just letting him go to some guy's house? A 40 year-old guy who lives alone invites your kid over and you don't even talk to him about it?" but again, I figure, maybe I am just too paranoid. But, a week later in movie time, he goes on a day trip, on a train with this guy. Okay. I'm going to have to call Bad Parenting on this one. "Hi, I'm a stranger you've met twice and I've had your son at my house all day every day for a week, alone. I'd like to take him on a trip to visit this mystical thing. We'll have to take the train and we'll be back pretty late at night, okay? Don't worry, I'll let him sleep on me in the train." I can't be the only one who feels this is not good. Throughout the movie, the mom (a widow who has to work to support them, I get it, but still) seems to have only the vaguest idea of where her kid is at any given moment. You might say that that's what happened in the first movie, and I agree , except that the kid in that movie was older (high schooler, maybe 15, 16?) and spoke the language in the city he lived in. Also, as I told the Husband, he knew how to call the police, whereas a 12 year-old in Bejing, probably not. I don't know if the laws of pedophilia are different in China; I'm not being rude about China, I'm saying that maybe 12 is the age of consent there or maybe it's not as big a deal. I don't know, and that's the point. Also, maybe again, just me, but it was hard watching a kid that little get beat up. Lastly, I didn't think the romance was necessary. I mean, it was very appropriately done for the age, a few hand-holding incidents, a chaste kiss, and I also know that kids these days are doing far more than that. Even still, I just thought, not every story needs a romantic interest. Oh - and Jackie Chan only has one action-fighting scene, if you don't count his training stuff with Jaden, which really isn't that much either. So if you're going to see some Chan-style fighting fun, you'll be disappointed.

Jami Compares Clarks

Last night we caught an episode of the new Justice League. I am fairly sure it was a repeat, but I hadn't seen it. Let me just pause here to say that 1. Yes, I'm a considerably big geek but 2. Not necessarily a comic book geek. I know plenty of the background thanks to many years of marriage to the Husband, but overall, I haven't read the "graphic novels" themselves. But I digress. So, watching the new JLA, there is a scene where Superman goes to the Daily Planet as Clark Kent (of course), and his appearance really struck me. No way is that Superman (we'll call him the animated one) going to get away with the CK disguise. Look at him! I couldn't find a full body Clark shot, but: even in this picture, you can see how cut he is, totally built up top, but with the slender legs favored by so many male superheroes. While you can get away with saying that Clark is a farm boy who likes to stay in shape, no one is going to believe this hulking mass is an innocent bumbling reporter. Not gonna happen. Plus, with that distinctive jaw, you're going to say "Hmm, you sorta look like Superman, doncha?" Yes. This lead me to ponder the Superman/Clark combos over the years, and I've come up with my personal picks on the matter. So here goes. Best Superman - Dean Cain, in my opinion, besides being the absolute hottest, was the best Superman. He was smart, funny, looked heroic, and maintained the boyish charm while saving the world. Of all the Supermans (Supermen?), I think he most embodies the ideal. Best Clark - Easily, in my opinion, Christopher Reeves. Bumbling, in his sly way, tremor in the voice for being shy or scared, earnest and not built like a superhero, he was the one most believable as the smalltown fish out of water at the big city paper. Best Combo - Christopher Reeves. His transformation in voice, body and facial appearance is the most believably different. His Clark, as mentioned above is the easiest to dismiss and his Superman was brave, strong, kind and in good shape, as you'd expect from someone who doesn't have to exercise. Worst Superman - George Reeves. The man had a pot belly. Come on! Sure, Superman doesn't have to work out but he shouldn't look like he'd get winded running down a flight of stairs. Worst Clark - I'm going to have to give it to animated JLA Superman. As mentioned, he doesn't look very different and it's a cartoon - they could have drawn him however they wanted. Instead, he looks like Superman put a suit on to go to a nice dinner. Worst Combo - George Reeves. Not only is Superman pudgy, but Clark is too old to still be a lost smalltown boy. I didn't include the Superman from Smallville in this as I haven't watched it. When it originally came out and was apparent that it was going to take so many liberties with the Superman lore, the Husband became so upset over the whole thing I was afraid to turn it on in our home. I hear it's great, but not really "Superman" in the sense that it follows any particular comics or history. More like a really good different comic with characters all the same name. (come on, really? I mean, Lois in Smallville? Lex at the same high school and the same age? even I know how wrong that is!) I also left out the original Superfriends Superman, as I don't recall him ever being Clark. I did consider Brandon Routh in Superman Returns. I felt he really fell in the middle in all categories, though overall he did a fine turn as the Man of Steel. I did only watch it once in its entirety, but I didn't love it, so that may have hurt his chances. Now, it's your turn - agree, disagree, rave on about the excellence of Smallville's Clark or whoever. And what about Lois??

Jami Has a Revelation

So this post started out about how I have watched Twilight twice on DVD, both times right before bed and had weird, but not scary, dreams. I was about to suggest it's the Buffy Effect when BAM! It all became so clear - it's not just coincidence. Why, you must ask yourself, are vampires suddenly so prevalent in pop culture? I mean, sure, the idea of vampires has been around for quite some time, but haven't you noticed that the vampires lately are just a bit different. Sure, they kill humans and drink blood, but it's not because they want to; it's a biological urge that they can learn to overcome. They don't want to be monsters and murders, at least not all of them, they just have to work on not killing people. Is this some sort of cosmic accident? Of course not. It's a vast conspiracy to increase our comfort level with vampires. What better way to find easier prey than convincing your lunch that you're deep down, a nice guy? You don't think the Volturi are smart enough to realize that if vampires are nice families of the undead who don't want to kill you, it's gonna be a lot easier to lure you to the house. And just look at Angel, Buffy, and Twilight (I haven't seen True Blood, so I can't speak to that). Not only are the vamps able to overcome being evil, they also are sexy, fun and cool. Insidious! Don't fall for it, friends. Or, don't say I didn't warn you! Joss Whedon, a vampire in disguise or just part of the conspiracy? Discuss.

Jami Saw the (Latest) Final Frontier

It's true - we saw Star Trek tonight, the newest one. I have just these few, non-spoiler comments: 1. It totally rocked. Funny, smart, lots of good action. 2. There are a few things that are less suspenseful, since we are just going to assume that if you've seen the series, you know certain people are going to survive. 3. I love Simon Pegg. 4. Maybe it's me, but even though John Cho is a fine actor, his voice is wrong and IMO, he's obviously not Japanese. Also, Zachary Quinto, who gives great Spock, has noticeably different teeth than Leonard Nimoy, though the Husband assures me that I'm pretty much the only person on this or any other planet who noticed or would care. So go see it. You'll dig it. After everyone else who plans to see it has seen it, I'll talk about the rest of it. The Husband even liked it ALMOST as much as Wrath of Kahn.

Jami Responds to a Challenge

My good buddy, Patrick in a comment after one of his recent posts, offered me a deal: He'd watch Expelled, a movie about academic freedom in the world of science and research, if I'd watch Religulous, Bill Maher's "current take on the state of religion in the world." Now I am willing to accept this deal, Patrick, and my apologies for taking so long to get back to you, but between the flu and the growing of new life in my very own body, I've been a bit distracted, however, I want to explain why I don't necessarily agree that these two are equivalent. I have not yet seen Religulous, though I've seen a few cuts and the trailer. I will absolutely agree with Bill Maher on the two points I've seen him make which are: 1. People do stupid, evil and terrible things in the name of religion 2. Religions can be broken down to look foolish in the eyes of non-believers. For point 1 - it's absolutely true that all manner of stupidity and atrocities in the name of their religions. The Crusades, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, it's a long and disgusting list, hopefully embarrassing to each religion involved. However, does that mean that religions, plural or individually, are to blame? How many horrible things have been done in the name of love, loyalty, wealth, pride or country? Should we abolish these things as well? Or is the point that humans, as a group, can take a good concept and twist it to satisfy some evil within? The fault lies not with the religion itself, but in the people using it to justify actions that in most cases falls well outside that religion's beliefs. More fault may lie with the others in the religion who refuse to chastise someone solely because they claim the same god. But to call all religion bad because some misuse it - that's a dangerous path to go down. 2 - Again, having not seen the movie, but from the reviews even on IMDb, a fairly "neutral" party, Maher got interviews with various religious leaders by misleading them as to his identity and intent. After getting these interviews, he seems to be trying to show how nonsensical each religion is when looked at objectively. I personally don't think that faith is the absence or ignorance of facts, but the logical jump you make once you decide where the facts point, and when they can go no further. I can no more prove my god exists than someone can prove conclusively that he doesn't. All I can say is that even in the Bible, it warns that God uses the things that seem foolish to confound the wise, so I will believe what I believe and if it sounds ridiculous to you, that is what you have decided. I'll respect what you believe, or don't, if you'll respect that I do. On the other hand, the point of Expelled is not to prove or disprove evolution, creation or intelligent design. It's not a treatise on if there's a god. It's a disturbing look at whether scientists should be allowed to question evolution. Ben Stein didn't deceive anyone in his quest to answer the question - Is evolution provable? and If not, should people who study and teach this be allowed to voice the opinion that there may be an unexplained force involved. Stein offers no opinion on any god in particular, instead he focuses on people who have lost jobs and livelihoods by merely mentioning that evolution may not provide all the answers to the beginning of life on earth. So Patrick, if you're still game, let me know.

Jami Has Been Tagged!

EDW tagged me with this meme, and since I am thereby honor-bound to complete it . . . . Four places I go over and over again: - MOPS: meetings, Moms' Nights Out, you name it - Church - Giant Eagle (our grocery store) - to the fridge Four people who mail me regularly: - Lori - My mom - Stephe (who actually sent me this same meme recently!) - Heidi from MOPS - gotta find out about those Moms' Night Out Four of my favorite places to eat, (apart from home) - Quaker Steak and Lube - Dave and Busters - Eat'N'Park - Anywhere someone brings me food that I didn't cook and don't have to clean up after Four places I'd rather be now: - On a cruise to anywhere warm - At an all-inclusive resort on a nice beach - At the Penguins' game with a beer, pretzel and nachos - Moms' Night Out - really, they're that fun Four favorite TV shows: - The Simpsons! Of course. Not like I'm a total Simpsons geek, but do YOU know Millhouse's middle name? I do. - Psych - hilarious and filled with 80s music. What could be better? - Ugly Betty - soapy, but also smart and with great heart. - the Office - funny and wrong every week Four movies I could watch over and over again: - Serenity (only after you've seen Firefly, though!) - Snakes on a Plane. Seriously, I love this movie. It has it all. - Grosse Point Blank - you have to love this heartwarming tale of a hired killer. - I, Robot - because it's got Will Smith and a great warning. And I choose to add to this meme, after doing the second to last one: Four Shows You Wish They Hadn't Cancelled - Pushing Daisies - a clever, new premise, great actors, hilarity, occasional singing, and great cliffhangers. Oh, and solving murders. Why wouldn't this smart, fun show be cancelled? - Futurama - as evidenced by the three movies released since cancellation, they still had stories to tell - Firefly - Great writing, great acting, great ideas - no advertising, played out of order, gee, wonder why it didn't do well. - Arrested Development - a great push was made for this, too little, too late. This show was so wrongly funny it makes the Office look like Matlock. I don't really have anyone to tag, so I just randomly tag whoever wants to do it. If you don't have a blog, feel free to answer in the comments here. And EDW, you gotta do the last one.

Jami Expects Caped Crusaders

So first off - in Florida, it's illegal to be Batman. Sad, but true. However, this leads to a subject I've discussed with the Husband several times, the lack of actual costumed vigilantes. I am, frankly, shocked that we haven't yet seen a "superhero". Not super in the sense of mystical superpowers, but more along the lines of Batman (excellent physical shape and neat gadgets) or even just Punisher. In this day of comic book geeks moving beyond the scrawny nerd and electronics development dashing ahead in leaps and bounds, I can't believe that there isn't some guy out there with some good fighting training, some cool non-lethal weapons, a secret persona and a score to settle (or something to prove). The downside to having a superhero about is that they always attract nemesis, and this leads to collateral damage, as illustrated in Hancock. However, even if your superhero is cautious in his actions, take a look at any of the Spiderman, Superman or Batman movies and note the destruction of the locale. Not good. I often wonder if Metropolis insurance agencies offer SuperBattle Insurance to cover the damage to your building should a supervillian throw a bus into it. So, in summary, I'm surprised we haven't seen a costumed hero yet, but I don't want ot live in a city where a superhero lives, because while they do seem to be pretty helpful overall, they attract baddies who want to test their evilness against the legendary hero, often in messy ways. UPDATE: How wrong I was! See here.

Jami Speaks to the Nice People In Hollywood

Dear Hollywood Producers of Comic Book Movies, Hi, first off, thanks for finally starting to turn the comic book movies over to people who understand the genre. We appreciate that the people who are making the comic book movies seem to be "getting it". Second, we love this new Batman series. Really, it's excellent. Saw the Dark Knight today and loved it. That's how the Joker is supposed to be. Harvey Two-Face? Excellent. As much as I love Tommy Lee, that character was so wrong. But this - perfect. However, and I do so hate to complain, for the love of Gotham, will you please stop trying to give Batman a love interest? The man is mentally unstable and bum-deep in vigilantism, not at all in the right place for dating. Yes, I know, plenty of crazies date, but the point is that Batman is not one of them. Look, Superman has Lois, and you can't do Spider-man without MJ, because they are part of the story. But Bruce Wayne is a billionaire playboy by day and angry crime-fighter by night. This leaves no time for falling in love. He doesn't do it. See, I know you think that it makes it more attractive to the non-geek ladies, but believe me, if they weren't going to go see it without the romance, they're not going for the 3 minutes of on-screen kissy-kissy. The fan boys don't want to see Bruce Wayne mooning over some made-up childhood sweetheart. The action movie fans aren't there for smooching. There is no reason for it. It's just wasting time. Thanks, Jami Now, a quick shout-out to my geek friends, I would not object to a subplot that included Talia al Ghul, the closest thing, IMO, that the Bat has to a lady-friend. But that might just be me.

Jami Ponders the Wrong Movies

For those who aren't aware, the Husband manages a video store. Therefore I have been privy to all the secret inner workings of video rentals. It's not as exciting as I make it sound. Fairly regularly, people return movies to the wrong store. The most common, at least at the Husband's store, is a movie returned to a different store in the same chain. Easy to do, I guess. Or people figure it's all the same company, right? The store managers make regular trips around to trade all the confused movies and it all works out. Then you get the people who return the movie to the wrong company. This takes a higher level of not paying attention, as the boxes generally have the store name right there on them. "Hmm, this says Bob's Movie Rentals, but I'm sure that it goes back to Movies, Movies, Movies." The competitors make nice for hostage exchanges. It's that common. Once the Husband even got on that had been borrowed from the library. But yesterday, he had a new one. One we'd not seen before. Movies returned to the store that were not rental movies. Someone had dropped movies in the return box that were in the original box, no store label, not from the library. And, they were porn. Not your hardcore stuff, a couple of the "Girls Gone Wild" variety. So what would possess someone to donate their personal porn to a rental store? I have a few ideas:

1. Let's say Bob owns some porn, but his beloved wife doesn't know. One day, while cleaning out his desk, she finds these videos. She doesn't want them in the house, but she also doesn't want them to take up space in the landfill. Wasteful, you know. So she figures she'll take them to the closest video store and hopefully some lonely single man will get to use them. Recycle, reuse and all.
2. Bob is about to get married. He knows his wife-to-be will not be happy to find these videos in his underwear drawer. He thinks about selling them or pitching them, but he still wants the option of viewing them when he gets the chance. He figures he'll take his favorites to his normal rental place so that when he knows she'll be out of town, he can at least go rent them.
3. Bob borrowed these videos from a friend, but now he's forgotten who. He's too embarrassed to start randomly asking friends if they had lent him porn, but no one has mentioned them. He decides to drop them at the video place and then if someone asks him about it, he can point them in the right direction.

These are my theories, but really, I guess we'll just never know.

CORRECTION: The Husband has had this happen before, but not with porn. This is even more confusing to me, why give a perfectly good non-porn movie to the store?

Jami Reads and Watches

It's not uncommon of me to be wary of a movie made from a book I love. Too often we have all been let down in this way, right? But I will frequently get the book for a movie I enjoyed. A great example of this is Fried Green Tomatoes (movie title, the book adds "At the Whistle Stop Cafe"). Liked the movie, loved the book. In fact, I have had to buy this book several times because I've lent it to someone and not gotten it back. In most cases the book is better simply because you can put way more into a book that you can a movie; we can hear people's thoughts, the story can go on and on without needing an intermission. Squeezing a whole book into a movie often requires cutting out subplot, side-stories and entire scenes. I wanted to mention this because I just read "I Am Legend", after seeing the movie not too long ago. I got the book from the library on a whim - it was on a shelf and had Will Smith on it. And I did enjoy the movie, so what the heck? Turns out this is my least favorite type of "adaptation", the kind where the movie bares almost no actual resemblance to the book. The Tom Cruise version of War of the Worlds is another fantastic example of this. Basically, they (by which I mean the adapters) take the bare bones most basic part of the idea and the name of the antagonist and pitch the rest. How are they allowed to call it the same thing? I know you can't copyright titles, but how misleading can you be? I understand that some things may be updated, like the use of cellphones, let's say, but if you're going to toss out the majority of the story, call it something else. Maybe "inspired by . . . " Here's a brief look for I Am Legend: BOOK Location: West Coast Cause: Bacteria mutated by (implied) nuclear war Dog: Finds and befriends a stray Wife & kid: Died from plague, wife came back to get him Job: Ex-military, then some sort of factory Friends: None Listens to: Classical, loud enough to cover sounds of vampires Meets: Woman who betrays him Grows: Garlic to protect house Nemesis: Former friend who is now a vampire, groups of roaming vamps Habits: Smoking, excessive drinking, fits of rage, killing random vamps House: Boarded up windows & doors, one floodlight outside Ending: Unhappy MOVIE Location: New York City Cause: Man-made virus gone wrong Dog: Beloved pet of late daughter Wife & kid: Died in helicopter crash escaping the plague Job: Military research doctor Friends: Store Mannequins Listens to: Bob Marley Meets: Woman who helps him escape, and restores (some of) his faith Grows: Fields of crops for eating Nemesis: Angry vampire whose girlfriend he stole Habits: Exercising, researching, experimenting on vamps House: Ultra-protected windows, floodlights all around Ending: Guardedly hopeful So, even from this brief off-the-top-of-my-head list, we can see how this is not at all the same story. Just saying.

Jami Crushing

Ah, the Crush. I gotta be honest, dear friends, I love nothing more than love. Crushes, aren't love, they are l-u-v. They are the fun and silly part of luv that you know will never go anywhere. You'll never find the little niggly things that make you want to smack the object of crush in the forehead. They never are annoying or forgetful or snore. That's what's fun. I love luv, too. Paperback Writer, the brilliant friend who got me into blogging (blame her!!), posted this list of her current crushes. It's a fun list and one I agree with on some points. I "get" girl crushes by straight women, just like guys who have man-cruses, but the truth is, I couldn't think of one to save my soul. As I've sort of alluded to here and there, I've had some troubles with girl friends and part of that still lingers, I guess. So, here is my current all-boy crush list. Probably partial, because I'm not spending a lot of time on it: Will Smith - duh, always number one. If Jada weren't so perfect and in great shape . . . Al Yankovic - you may know him as Weird Al. Brilliant. Funny. In shape. Hines Ward - happy, gorgeous and has a Super Bowl Ring. Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory - He's so adorable. I want him as a pet. Johnny Depp - Now with Singing! Steve Buscemi - like a pug, so weird looking, you just have to love him Hank Azaria - could anyone be more under-rated than this guy? Plus, see him starkers in Run, Fatboy, Run Alan Tudyk - just because he played Wash on Firefly and I still think I'm Zoe. Spike from Angel/Buffy - not James Marsters,the actor who played him, I love Spike. Dr. Cox on Scrubs - Again, not the actor, the character. I can love a fictional character - don't judge me. Ewan McGregor - just watch Down with Love and Moulin Rouge and try NOT to luv him. Brad Pitt - cliche? sure, but let's be fair, this man's just plain tasty. Jay (of Jay and Silent Bob) - the real Jason Mewes is probably very nice, but again, it's Jay that got my heart. Val Kilmer - never could "get" why Tom Cruise was the star of Top Gun, who even noticed him next to Val? Even with the weird "teeth snap" thing. He sings, too, check out Top Secret. The Rock - He's just big and like, meanly pretty. I don't know what that means, but it's what's I think. M. Night Shyamalan - Not a great actor, but a neat brain and Indian men seem to like me Naveen Andrews- Hot, plus he's Indian, see above. Jay Chandrasekhar - continuing with my Indian theme, smart, funny and the director of the Broken Lizard's movies, which earns him extra props. Data - Shut up. I love him. Harrison Ford - who could be hotter than Han Solo AND Indiana Jones? no one, that's who. and briefly, people I would have a crush on, but they are flawed: Jack Black- smart, funny, sings, BUT he'd have to be able to turn it off, or I'd have to put a barbecue fork through his tongue. Penn Jillette - he's tall, he's funny, he's smart. But he's soooooo outspokenly atheist, I just can't get past it. Peter Tork - it is with great regret I move Pete to this list from the above, but he's just getting a bit too old. John Cusack - I love him, but really, it's just the brotherly way. Michael Cera - adorable and great comedic timing, but just too young. Robert Downey, Jr. - Dude - STOP DOING DRUGS. Thank you. River Pheonix - Beautiful, talented, but you know, dead. And finally - Sarah Silverman- adorable and so hilarious, but a chick. That's all for now, folks. Feel free to share or discuss.

Jami and Oscar

For many years, I watched the Oscars in breathless wonder. I saw as many of the nominated movies and performances as I could (considering that for most of that time I had no premium channels and a small entertainment budget). I had my picks, I knew who was presenting and I cared about what people wore. Oscars meant dignity and grace, style and recognition, and most of all - winning. It's the glory. In my younger days, I'd thought of being a TV and then eventually movie director. I have pretty good visual sense for things and I love bossing people around. I'd totally be a kick-butt movie director, no doubt. But I left my TV dreams for my love of radio and I left radio for need of money. And then of course, I left the workforce all together for Mommying. But I digress. What I wanted, more than anything, was an Oscar. I still do, really. I want an Oscar (and I want a Stanley Cup ring). I don't want someone to give me theirs or to get one at some sad auction for a celeb gone wrong. I want to win one (that goes for Stanley, too) and I don't even care what for. But, as Eddie would say I really, really do want it. I do. However, and I can't pinpoint where this happened, I got sick of the Oscar ceremony. Maybe it was a few of the crappy hosts. Maybe it was the celebrities starting to dress like lunatics instead of glamorous (and yes, several still do go for the glam). I know that part of it is that many of the movies being nominate I just despised. That started with Titanic. What a piece of 垃圾(luh suh) that was. This year I haven't seen a single nominated best picture, though I do want to see Juno. So I didn't watch the Oscars. I watched the hilarious Death at a Funeral instead, with some of the Evil Fudge That is Still Beating Me. We had a great time.

Jami Is Zoe

Just for fun: Your results:You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 80% Wash (Ship Pilot) 70% River (Stowaway) 65% Derrial Book (Shepherd) 60% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 55% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 55% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 50% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 45% Alliance 40% Inara Serra (Companion) 35% A Reaver (Cannibal) 25% Dependable and trustworthy. You love your significant other and you are a tough cookie when in a conflict. Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test Which is who I assumed I'd be, anyway. I know what you're thinking, I look exactly like Zoe, too. Okay, she's a little taller, but other than that, it's striking, really. If this doesn't mean anything to you, then go rent the Firefly fly series DVDs right now. I mean it.

Jami Warns You, Yet Again

I know the big question on everyone's mind is, what did Jami and the Husband do to celebrate 11 years of bliss? The answer is: hot wings and a movie. The wings are a tradition. Our first anniversary, we were not exactly rolling in the cash (you know, like we are now . . . ) and the Husband told me that he wanted to take me to this restaurant that he really liked that he was sure I would love. Idealistic and young, I expected fancy-schmancy. Silly Jami. Imagine my surprised when we pulled up at a dive that only serves bar food and has long tables where everyone basically sits together. I have to admit though, he was right, they had great wings. I didn't love the place because I hate strangers, especially sitting next to me while I eat, and the place was cramped and smelled like smoke, I was sure it was a fire-trap death waiting to happen, so overall, I wouldn't recommend it. I can't even remember the name, but I thought it was hilarious that for our romantic first anniversary, the Husband ensured we both had garlicky breath. So every year, wings. But that's not what this post is about, more of an aside. This year, we also saw Transformers, which I know came out months ago, but the stuff that is currently out pretty much looks like crap and the second-run theater not far from here was running Transformers. It's great, and I highly recommend it. I'm not going to review it, either, EDW did that on Circle of Friends reviews (see link at right) and I basically agree with her. Good fun. However the movie served to remind me that when the aliens come, they will not be coming to be our friends. And even if half of them do want to save humanity for whatever corny reason, there will be plenty of carnage. You can see my original warnings about that here. When they come, we will not be prepared; in fact, we will be woefully unprepared. If we learn nothing from these movies, it's that we cannot know what to expect from the aliens as far as technology, adaptability, strengths and weaknesses, etc. We can make up stories, we can guess, we can imagine, but we plain old can't know. And the cold, hard fact is: you can't get ready for something if you have no idea what it is. Oh, and just because it happens in all the movies, don't expect a sudden lucky accident that uncovers the aliens' fatal flaw. That's a movie ending. Anyway, go see or rent Transformers and enjoy it. You know, before it's too late. And don't say I didn't warn you. Sometime I'll have to discuss the robots. . . .

Jami Needs More Movies to Look Forward To

I'm out of "I can't wait for . . ."! I guess the new Star Trek, sort of, but the Star Wars are done, the Spider-Mans are over (I think), the Simpsons is out. All the movies I couldn't wait to see, that I eagerly watched trailers of, read articles about or strenuous avoided spoilers for - I've seem 'em all. Oh, cruel fate, what shall I look forward to? I'll see Iron Man, but I haven't worked up a real excitement for it. Balls of Fury looks like it could be funny, or very bad, but I'm not lining up a sitter for opening weekend. The rest of the Harry Potters? Haven't even read book 6 yet, I'm afraid and the books are always better than the movie. So what's a girl to do? Isn't there anyone out there making a movie I can mark my calendar for?

Jami Complains Briefly About the Husband

When a friend decided to start dating after an unpleasant divorce, his pastor suggested that he create a list of the things he wanted in a potential spouse and things that were "deal breakers". He'd asked me to help with the list, feeling that I could articulate his feelings better and also because I love lists. Incidentally, and not at all related to this post, but it made me laugh, when I said "Okay, let's start with the one thing that you think caused the biggest problem in your marriage." He said "Oh, in that case put down 'Will have sex with me'. Make that Number One and write it in capitals." Poor guy. We've lost touch, but I heard he got remarried and I hope she fits the list. Anyway, the problem I had with the whole idea of the list is that sure, you can get the big stuff: religion, child-rearing, life goals, non-smoker. But it's the little things that you just can't predict that end up being the things that make you crazy. I'm not saying they're marriage-enders, just they're the things that make you want to bop your beloved with a couch cushion. The Husband is a great guy. Totally perfect for me and if I'd have made a list, he'd have met each one - except maybe loves to dance, but I can live with that. He's also probably the only sane, straight man on the planet who has lived for more than 10 years with my particular collection of quirks (which I call "personality") and still says to himself "Yup, that's what I want." So I don't want you to think I'm complaining about him. But you know, I am. Just a little. The man is the loudest snack food eater ever. As you know, I love movies and TV, and I especially enjoy it with the Husband, until he gets that hungry look. Then, it's CRINKLE, CRINKLE, CRINKLE, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRINKLE, repeat. Take pretzels. He can't just get a handful out of the bag and eat them. No, no. He has to remove each pretzel (or pretzel fragment) from the bag individually, and only after rooting around in the bag, apparently to choose the exact right pretzel. And, for some reason, this is most likely to occur at the time in the show when the dialogue is both quiet and important. He's lucky we have TiVo (for the 8 second skip-back button) or he might already be hospitalized with a pretzel bag somehow embedded in his skull. No jury would convict, it would go like this: My defense attorney: I'd like to play this episode of Lost for the jury. Jami, please indicate at what point your husband's snacking interfered with your ability to hear by shaking this tambourine. Just as a major secret is revealed, I shake the tambourine, covering the revelation Jury: Boooo! DA: Oh, we had no idea. Judge, we dismiss all charges with our apologies. Jury: YAY! Denny Crane: Denny Crane! *** I used to think that at the movies, he chewed the popcorn with his mouth open. It's that loud. But no, it's worse. I watched it carefully last week when his popcorn-noises filled the theatre during an otherwise silent part of the film. First, he roots around in the bucket/bag until he has what must be the exact right combination of popcorn kernels. Then, he lifts the collection of popcorn to his mouth, and does he stuff it all in? No. Does he put a few pieces into his mouth? No. He bites through the entire handful, basically "crraaaack"ing each individual piece in half as he goes, THEN he closes his mouth and chews. He bites popcorn in half! For no good reason??? Why? WHY? He has no answer, just "That's how I've always done it." Sigh. I mean, I love the guy, but really. I, of course, use the silent but odd-looking "lizard-style" method of eating popcorn, wherein I take a handful (the first handful on top, no digging) then lift it near my face and let my tongue sneak out and grab one. When I realized I did this, I perfected doing it fairly close to my mouth and subtly enough that you really have to pay attention to see that I'm doing it. So, you see, I'm not saying anyone should be normal. Just keep the weirdness quiet when I'm watching TV.

Jami Goes to the Movies

I love going to the movies, but it's a love-hate kinda thing. I love the big dark theatre, the sound, the buttery popcorn and bucket of soda. I hate the usual things - the people who talk or use their cell phones, the actual commercials (not trailers, I love trailers), the fact that I can't pause the movie to take a potty break. But mostly I love movies. I love stories: hearing them, telling them, retelling them. Since the Husband doesn't work the traditional M-F 9-5, we get to go to the theatres at "off-times" like a Wednesday afternoon. We saw the third Pirates movie which I loved. Much better than 2, with nice complex plots and twists and a good ending, that could have been sappy and dumb, but instead was just right. Even better than a story is a story with a "just right" ending. Good movies can be totally ruined by a sucky ending, I'm talking to you Blazing Saddles and Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. A movie's ending isn't just, well, when it ends, it's that last bite of sandwich you saved while eating your fries so that you can finish with the taste of sandwich in your mouth. The last Pirates movie, while not great overall, is still a fine example of a good ending. Great endings should both wrap up the story lines, yes, ALL of them, to some extent, don't just forget about something that wasn't going anywhere. If it was a red herring at least give us a clue to that effect. They don't need to end with "And we lived happily ever after" but there should be a hint of how the rest of eternity goes - even if you're planning a sequel, make this movie end. And a movie ending doesn't have to be happy. Just saying. I especially like if I don't see it coming. My favorite movie ending, at the moment, would have to be 40-Year-Old Virgin, which (if you haven't seen it, hope I'm not wrecking it for you) ends with a giant musical dance number to the Age of Aquarius. Sure didn't see that coming, but it fit the tone of the movie, it wrapped up what had been going on and it was just plain fun. Good ending. Return of the Jedi ends a trilogy very satisfactorily. Drop Dead Gorgeous perfectly wraps up a plot which I thought had painted itself into a no-win corner. Go see it, if you haven't, and be prepared to laugh so hard you have to pause it. To wrap up my post on movie endings, let me ask you - what movies end just right? Which took a sharp turn into wrong before the credits rolled?

Props to the Movie Guys

Hey folks, Check out my new friends the Two Movie Guys: http://2movieguys.blogspot.com/ who have a fun movie review site, and, in their wisdom, have recognized my awesomeness. Drop by, read a good review and leave them a nice comment. I'll leave their site up here ------> for if you want to check it out later.