Jami Goes to the DMV

I'd have to say, in all honesty, that the DMV seems to have gotten a rather bad rap. In most of my experiences with them, it's been rather simple and the waits reasonable. I've even had 3 of 4 fairly decent photos. Can't really complain. The time had come to get a new license, so I gathered my "photo card", old license, instructions on going for the photo and a book and headed to my local DMV office. There were a couple people having issues, but they seemed to fall into two categories: 1. People who refuse to read any instructions and then get mad when they don't know what's going on and 2. The basically stupid. Entering I read the sign on a machine that says (honestly) "READ THIS FIRST". It had two flashing green buttons, one for people getting pictures taken, one for everything else. I pressed button number one and received a little ticket that said "051 - estimated wait time: 0 minutes". The LED signs above the open lines indicated that they were currently serving 46, so I believe their estimates may be a little off. Anyway. . .there were two waiting areas, one with a very large sign reading "PHOTO CARD WAITING AREA" the other "EXAMS AND RENEWALS WAITING AREA" Since I had a photo card and the Read This First Machine (hereafter "RTF Machine") suggested that I choose the Photo Card area, I choose a seat in the middle, at least two seats on each side between me and strangers and cracked the book. One man ahead of me was having this conversation with his much-to-be-pitied public servant: DMV worker: Read the questions on this screen and answer the question using this keypad. Confused Man: What? DMV: See the question on the screen? CM: Yes. DMV: Choose the number on this keypad to answer. CM: WHAT????? DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor? CM: I'm not. DMV: Do you want to be? CM: Yes. DMV: Then press one. CM: WHAT? DMV: See, you press this button (she presses one). Now do the rest of the questions. CM: I, uh, I don't know what you mean. DMV: It wants to know if you're a registered voter. CM: Yes. DMV: (she gives up explaining and presses the button for him).Do you wish to change your party affiliation, phone number or registered voting area? CM: I'm Democrat. DMV: I don't need to know that sir, do you want to change? CM: NO. Democrat. This went on, much to my amusement, for the next several questions. Another woman walks in, walks right by the RTF machine and looks around. She asks someone for help, is directed to the RTF machine and reads it - out loud. She chooses the second button, which we know because she announced it, then sits directly underneath the Photo Card Waiting Area sign, which is wrong, but we all ignore her. As the numbers are being called, she checks her tag frequently (she must have been a little worried, since we were in the upper forties and the numbers for her section were in the 600's and when they call her number she stands up, honest to goodness and yells "WHERE ARE THESE NUMBERS COMING FROM??" A nice man directs her to the correct section. I only hope she did not get a license. Outside, a woman in a large SUV took her test. Parked in a space with the tester behind the car, she looked nervous and chewed her lip. He says "Put on your right turn signal" Immediately the left one came one. "RIGHT turn signal" Left again. The tester holds his right arm out, waving it slightly "Your right signal, right turn signal." Left again. He sighed. I kept walking. Going to the DMV must be a dream compared to working there.

Jami Fights the (Phone) Man

Included in last month's phone bill (which was: $22.05 total, including taxes, fees, service charges and all the other random BS they stick on there) was a smallish index card type notice that said something about how all customers were going to be upgraded to digital service by the end of the year and that our "billing may be effected". Hmmmm, that sounds a little suspect, doncha think? And how many people do you think didn't even really pay attention to that card? Oh, by the way, I am not sure about the legal ramifications of me telling you which company, so let's just say it rhymes with komkast. I needed to call them anyway, about a separate matter, after entering my phone number and playing voicemail roulette for awhile, I talk to a nice customer service rep (CSR1) who asks me my phone number. Then my name and address to verify that it's me (yeah, gee, cause it'd be impossible for anyone else to know my name, address and phone . . . .) after a few minutes of me explaining in small words why I'm calling, CSR1 informs me that yes, my service would be switched to digital and no, he can't tell me how much that will cost and that he'll transfer me to sales. CSR2, a very chipper sounding lady, asks me for my phone number, and then my name and address to verify that it's me. Then, "How can I help you?" I explain to her that I'm trying to find out what it's going to cost me when they upgrade me against my will. I tell her I don't need call-waiting or call anything. No long-distance, no "regional calling", nothing fancy. Working Local Telephone line. CSR2 happily explains to me that the most commonly requested features are "all included in the price" and you can't opt out of them to save money, but she'd be glad to tell me how to turn them off. I explain that I don't care about how to turn them off, I want to know what it will cost me. She tells me that she doesn't know that and that she'll transfer me right over to sales. I must sound confused because she asks "Is there a problem?" I reply "I just explained all this to the last person and he said he was transferring me to sales." CSR2: "And then what happened?" Me, a little incredulous: "Then I talked to you." Her: "Oh my, well that wasn't right! Don't worry, I'm going to stay on the line with you to be sure you get transferred, okay?Please hold." She totally misses the irony of saying that she's going to stay on the line with me and then immediately putting me on hold. CSR2 returns, "Jami? I'm on here with Chelsea" Chelsea: "Hi!" "And I'm going to turn you over to her because she can answer all your questions" All one of them? Great. CSR2 rings off with a cheerful "okay, bye-bye, now!" Chelsea greets me warmly; any friend of CSR2 is clearly her friend, too. She asks me for my phone number, and then my name and address to verify that it's me, even though we're great pals. I explain to her that I need a working local phone line. No long distance, no regional calling, no bells or whistles or service plans. Chelsea, who has just asked me my address to ensure my identity asks me for my ZIP code. I hear the clicky-clicky-clicky as she researches this difficult question. "Okay, Jami, now, you know, the most commonly requested features, such as Call Waiting and Forwarding are going to be included in the package." I think this is gonna be bad. "So your bill will be $54.95 a month, plus taxes and fees." I assume I must have heard wrong. I ask her with over enunciation "FIFTY-FOUR DOLLARS AND NINETY FIVE CENTS?? EACH MONTH??" She assures me that is correct and that as a bonus, there is no charge to upgrade me. Against my will. How nice. Summoning all the courtesy my mother worked so hard to instill me, I manage to stay calm and reply "My bill this month was $22 - are you telling me that my bill is going to almost triple and I'm not even getting anything for that?" "It's digital service." That was about the end for me. Quite frankly, I don't care if it's digital or string-and -can or magic as long as it works. I couldn't contain my astonishment, but I kept in mind, it's not Chelsea's fault. "Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?" I had to know. Chelsea, who probably knows she's about to have a bad few months at work, answered "Well, yes, but we're upgrading everyone. And it's digital and you will get the Call Waiting. Do you have internet and cable services?" I am incredulous. Now, I've never really been in sales, but I have to think that when someone is complaining to you about your amazingly bad prices, it's not time to go for the up-sell. "No, and I certainly don't plan to sign up for them now." Chelsea tells me that if I do sign up, she'd be able to knock the phone part of it down to down $39.95 a month. I neglect to mention that their crappy cable service is the reason we got DirecTV and that I wouldn't consider going back unless they're planning to start paying me. I do tell her that we will be cancelling our service in the next day or so, and she can enter in her log book or data entry or whatever that it's due to the stupid high price. She actually says "I understand, thank you for choosing (the company that rhymes with komkast)." Apparently not fully appreciating that I am anti-choosing them. Annoyed, I do a quick interent research and, since Verizon provides us with our lovely FiOS service and seems reasonably priced, I give them a call. Verizon's CSR asks me for the number I am calling from and the super-secret password we've agreed on for my FiOS account. He gives me two options for local no-frills service, both well under $30. We discuss the merits of both plans without having to transfer me. We come to an agreement and set a date to hook me up. The last question he asks me is "What is the reason for leaving your last provider?" Hmm, what to say? Should I tell him that the company that rhymes with komkast is trying to steal $40 a month from unsuspecting patrons? Or the more simple "My current providers are big doody-heads?" I simply go with "it's a pricing issue." Verizon is going to contact the company that rhymes with komkast for me, so I don't have to explain their doody-headedness to another set of perky CSRs. So, if your current phone service provider rhymes with komkast, you might want to give Chelsea a call. Be sure you tell her I sent you.

Eye C Fine

So, I'm just back from the eye doctor. You see, I wear those disposable lenses and I'm out. I went to order them from the nice online place that sends them to me, and they won't send me anymore - the doctor's office won't renew my prescription since it's been more than 4 years. FIRST - will someone please tell me why it is that I need an new prescription for fricking contact lenses??? It's not like I'm addicted to them or selling them on the black market. I'm not freebasing the lenses, and as far as I'm aware, there's not a lot of call on the street for illegal lenses. I know my prescription hasn't changed, I can still read the program guide on the little TV from my bed, so I know that I'm fine. But no. It's the Man trying to keep me down. SECOND - seriously, in this world of extreme technology, of laser surgery, of super-robots, is the best we can do for vision testing "Better? or Worse? One ... or two?" I have to believe that there is some scientific way that my eyes can be tested to determine what strength glasses it is; one that doesn't require me to stare at a row of letters while a seemingly endless stream of barely discernibly different options are presented to me. And by the way - I was right, my prescription hasn't changed, but I had to spend $50 and an hour and half for them to tell me that.