Jami and the Dirty Expression

Warning: This blog post contains swears. Don't read it if you can't deal with cusswords. I love, though rarely use, the expression "lost his shit." It always brings a smile to my face, because it is one of the very few idioms that I feel very aptly expresses exactly the situation someone is in. I think part of it is my mental image of how agitated you would have to be to literally lose your shit. I mean, dude, I've been angry, scared, sad and exhausted all in the extreme and sometimes in combinations, but never enough to have just crapped myself. But I get idea. I had a couple of those moments in my pregnancy especially when I (figuratively) lost my shit. It's sort of all those emotions tinged with the breaking of one's sanity - that's exactly what the phrase conveys. Now, I say "I just lost it" much more frequently. In my never humble and always correct opinion, "losing it" is a sort of briefer, momentary, more recoverable loss of one's emotional control. Losing "it" is like the step before one loses one's shit. Let's say I'm at the point where I am losing it: I'm crying (because that's what I do when any extreme emotion hits, it's biological, my eyes water when I'm mad, scared, happy, hungry) and I'm past the point of censoring what I say. And then you do that one thing, that is way beyond my abilities to cope. Now I'm not losing it, I've lost my shit. It's a loss of basic functionality, like comprehensible speech or common sense. It's when you're so whatever-you-are that you can't see straight. And this is one of those times when a swear is both appropriate and perhaps even necessary. "Bob lost his crap" doesn't do it for me. "Bob's going nuts" could mean he's have some silly fun. But "And then Bob totally lost his shit" guarantees that I will give Bob some space and not do whatever it was that came before that sentence in the story. And thus ends the day's lesson.

Jami and Father's Day

First let me say that while I am using the apparently traditional "Father's Day" (apostrophe after the r) I still maintain that since we are celebrating more than one father, it should be "Fathers' Day" but maybe that is just me. As you might be aware, I am not a father. I do have a great father, father-in-law and husband who is father to my 1 1/2 children. And for them I am eternally grateful. I am the person, wife and mother I am in part due to my dad. My father-in-law helped raise the wonderful man I married. I can't say enough about how much I appreciate the Husband and love to see him Daddying - he's great at it. But I don't mean to post about me and my fantastic life. I want to remind us that fathers are important. It really frustrates me to see so many children without fathers in their homes and lives. "I don't need a man" - no, but your children do. And not just the next random guy you shack up with, have a baby by and dump. Children need daddies. I'm not going to go get all the studies that show the harm children who don't have a close relationship with their dad get into. And yeah, I know, some people have crappy dads who stay in the house, and abuse them or ignore them or whatever, but all you women out there, let me just say, if you picked a crappy guy to father your kid, that's still at least partially your fault. If you don't want to keep him for at least the next 18-19 years, don't have his baby. Please. I worked with a woman who was talking about her granddaughter - the fifth generation in their family to be an unwed mother. Read that again. Fifth generation. I said I was sorry that she had to go through that, but she got defensive. She wasn't upset. She was bragging. Five generations and they didn't need men and they were all just fine. I asked her, did she have sons and grandsons? Yes, she had a son and two grandsons. "So what you tell them is that women don't need them? That they can go out and impregnate women and walk away?" She said that she'd taught her children responsibility. "But they've heard you say their whole lives that strong women don't need men to raise their babies. I wonder how many grandchildren out there you have that you've never met, because their moms don't need a man." She looked shocked and didn't have reply. I also wonder if her family would have had five generations of good dads if that first woman hadn't chosen a loser and raised her kids without one. Maybe her 19 year old granddaughter would have gone to school, gotten a career and had her first child with a husband when they were in their late 20s, living in their own home, instead of living with her mother, grandmother and other siblings and a couple of their children, all trying to get on their feet? Dads are important.

Jami Mangles English

When I see the word "applause" my brain always initially reads it as "applesauce" then unusually corrects it after a few moments. I don't know why. There's a beauty salon near us that I really thought was Applesauce Hair and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what that meant. I can't read the word "lingerie" out loud if I'm looking at it. I know how to pronounce it, but I can't look at it and say it at the same time. For years, I thought "albeit" was pronounced "awl-BITE" and that it meant about the same thing as the phrase "all be it". Not that it seems I have much room to talk, but folks, it's espresso, not expresso. Albeit if you're having it while wearing your lingerie, don't expect any applesauce.

Jami and Beloved Stanley

I never did announce it, but I named my iPod. His name is Stanley I. Poddy, though his close friends call him Poddy. I occasionally call him Beloved Stanley because I adore him. I had been wearing "real" headphones with Poddy, because I don't really like earbuds and for the life of me, I can't get them to stay in my ears. I think I just have malformed ears. Unfortunately, my real headphones were super-cheapy-free-with-purchase ones I'd had for awhile and they died. Very sad. I've taken to wearing the earbuds, since I didn't have anything else, and I've found a way to wear them that suits me. Basically, I run the cord up behind my ears and rest the buds on the top of my ears, like tiny speakers broadcasting from my head. Not only does this keep the buds in place more effectively, it also gives me a vaguely alien appearance, like I have antennas that I just didn't quite manage to hide. And that makes me silly-happy. Every time I catch my reflection with my little white antennas, I just grin. Just one more reason I love Poddy. Then, on the Simpsons opening a couple weeks ago, Bart wrote on the blackboard "There's no such thing as an iPoddy." Of course, Stanley is an "I. Poddy" but still. We were incensed. Even Eddie is familiar with Poddy. He calls it "Mommy's pod-pod" and will listen to one of the buds, if I let him. If it's music, he'll dance a little. If it's talk, he'll bring the bud down to his mouth and say "Hi, mommy's people". He's brilliant. Just think, he'll not remember a time before iPods. And so, Eddie, the Husband, Joxer, Stanley I. Poddy and I all wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving. Go forth and eat much. PS - I had originally written that I had alien-like antennae, but when I double-checked the spelling, I learned that the plural for the mechanical kind is antennas whereas the kind on animals is the -ae plural. Since mine are mechanical, even if they are on my very own human head, I went with the -as plural. Any English majors want to chime in on which of those is more appropriate?

Jami's Friday Feast

Feast 169 Appetizer What was your first “real” job? I was in charge of the church's nursery when I was 16. $20 a week, which was enough to do the fun stuff my friends wanted to without having to wear a uniform. Soup Where would you go if you wanted to spark your creativity? India. It looks like it's so colorful everywhere and there's such diversity in the people and customs. Salad Complete this sentence: I am embarrassed when… Gosh, I'm hard to embarrass - let's see - uh, when I have let out a huge belch because I forget my social skills after years of working with engineers, followed by being a stay-at-home mom. Main Course What values did your parents instill in you? Generosity, a strong work ethic, honesty, responsibility, proper grammar - basically all the good ones. Dessert Name 3 fads from your teenage years. BIG BIG BIG hair, bleached jeans, way too much eye makeup

Jami's New Game, The First Winner

I started this New Word Game here and promised to announce the first winner today. I was tempted to give the nod to PW who is trustworthy and since she said she'd do it, I believe her, but since she didn't post the conversation and the rules clearly state you do, I declare the first winner to be . . . . ME! Just because my use was in the actual comments. This'll be the last time I win, so if you want to be a winner, and I know you do, read the rules again and play this week with the word: susurrus su-SUHR-uhs A whispering or rustling sound; a murmur. Now go play!!

Jami's New Game

Here's the game - every Thursday I'll post a word. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to incorporate the word into your conversation at some point during the following week, and then post the following in the comments for that Thursday:

• The person you were talking to (description is fine, like "coworker" or "aunt").
• The sentence you used, in context.
• When/where the conversation happened.

Then the following Thursday, I'll announce the winner. There's no prize, just pride. I'm going to judge based on:

• Proper usage, and that means not "this week's word is . ."
• Creative insertion. Yes, that's objective, but it's my game
• Recipient of word usage. For example, talking to my 2-year-old is less impressive than using it with your CEO.

That's it, so tell your friends and get to speakin'. Today's word is: oscillate

os·cil·late os-us-leyt 1.to swing or move to and fro, as a pendulum does. 2.to vary or vacillate between differing beliefs, opinions, conditions, etc.: He oscillates regularly between elation and despair. 3.Physics. to have, produce, or generate oscillations. 4.Mathematics. (of a function, sequence, etc.) to tend to no limit, including infinity: The sequence 0, 1, 0, 1, … oscillates. 5.to cause to move to and fro; vibrate. –verb (used with object)

Have fun!

Jami is Math Challenged

I love my new iPod, but this isn't about that. A mere quarter-century ago, I was good at math. I enjoyed it, even, as much as first grader can. Then second grade hit, and that's a whole other post, the Teacher Who Killed My Love of Math, so let's just say that by the end of the following year, I totally despised math in all its forms, even though I was still fairly decent at it. By the time I survived Trig in 11th grade, I couldn't even claim that. Some people have a head for figures, they can just see the numbers. Not so much for me. And here's why this is a problem: I found myself in the store yesterday trying to figure out if soap on sale - 3 bars for 2.49 is a better deal than "Buy One Get One Free" 4-packs for $5.98. So that's 3 bars for $2.50 or 8 bars for $6.00 - or, okay, lets say 6 bars for $5 or 8 for $6. So that's not much help - okay, they are 80ish cents each for the three or (8 goes into 60 - ennnnhgggh 7? that's 56 right? I think so) 70ish cents for the BOGO? Oh heck, forget it, I'm getting the bigger one. I think it's better, but even if it isn't, I won't have to come back as soon. Sometimes the store has a "per ounce" price, but that doesn't apply to specials, and then I'm screwed. People figure out stuff in their heads in front of me all the time. I never get to diagram out a sentence for them. Where's the love for the English majors?

And a Happy New Year

Hi folks and welcome to 2007. We ended up hanging up with some friends for the New Years, and had a great all-grown-up time - no one cried or peed themselves, which actually, wouldn't be that surprising for our outings . . . While we're on the subject of 2007, can we make this the year that we take the "and" out of the year name? I'm talking to you Professional Media, politicians and everyone else. The year is "two thousand seven" not "two thousand and seven". The "and" would indicate either a decimal point - 2000.7 or two numbers, 2000 and 7. I don't understand how this started; I mean, did you ever say "nineteen and eighty-four"? Of course not. So knock it off. And yes, I know how nerdy that is, but it's bugging me, so let's all make it our resolution to stop that. That's one you can keep even after you've stopped exercising, restarted smoking and ate an entire cheesecake :D