Jami's Christmas Tree

I love the tree. It's short this year, but absolutely perfectly shaped. The lights are on it, as well as Darth Vader, Ralphie Wiggam, three ornaments with pictures of Eddie, two with Bob the Tomato and Larry the Cucumber, and all the other various Star Wars, Simpsons, and homemade by my mom and mother-in-law ornaments. There are angels, of course, and one on top. Our tree reflects our lives, from our "First Christmas Together" ornaments, to Joxer's puppy picture on Santa's lap, and, since I don't have an office, Black Santa. There's a teapot for me, and the Husband's Mario Lemieux. It's not going to be featured in Martha Stewart's Good Things Magazine, but it sure does make me smile.

Jami's Quick Pic for Today

Don't you hated those Atlantic Naked Smelts? Couldn't put them in a clear plastic bag, now could you? Fortunately Giant Eagle only carries the dressed ones, so no worries about taking the kids there.

Happy Monday!

Jami Says "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

We've had satellite TV for several years now, never a problem. Sure, during bad storms we get some pixilation, but nothing like we used to with cable. I love DirecTV; I've recommended them to friends and relatives. I'd send them a Christmas card if I sent them to faceless corporations. And today, for the first time ever - they let me down. The local channels went out - during the Steelers' game!!! I know! The Husband is at work, blissfully unaware. Sigh. Ahhhhh! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, DirecTV!!

Jami's Crazy Baby

These are photos of Eddie eating Triscuits with his toes. Why? Because he can and he's two.

I was about to stop it, then I changed my mind and called the Husband to bring the camera. I mean, it's not every day you see talent like this. Guess we should stop calling him the Monkey Boy, he seems to be taking it to heart.

Jami's Friday Feast

Feast 172 Appetizer Make up a word and give us its definition. Afkaflabbered - it's the way you feel when someone does something so stupid or rude that you are beyond shocked and/or appalled. Soup What is currently your favorite song? Sing, Mary, Sing - Jennifer Knapp. It's a great Christmas song Salad What’s at the top of your Christmas wish list this year? Realistically? Those express board games and anything Simpsons. Just dreaming? A big pile of money so we can adopt again. Main Course Name a scent that reminds you of someone special in your life. Scents seem to remind me more of events or places rather than people Dessert Who is someone on television that you feel probably shouldn’t be, and why? How about that whole TMZ show? That just makes me sick. Or maybe Maury. PS - no entries into the Word Game this week, so it'll continue for another week with mephitic. Post entries here to win the glory. That's all, no physical prize.

Jami Mangles English

When I see the word "applause" my brain always initially reads it as "applesauce" then unusually corrects it after a few moments. I don't know why. There's a beauty salon near us that I really thought was Applesauce Hair and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what that meant. I can't read the word "lingerie" out loud if I'm looking at it. I know how to pronounce it, but I can't look at it and say it at the same time. For years, I thought "albeit" was pronounced "awl-BITE" and that it meant about the same thing as the phrase "all be it". Not that it seems I have much room to talk, but folks, it's espresso, not expresso. Albeit if you're having it while wearing your lingerie, don't expect any applesauce.

Jami's Newest Conspiracy Theory

Oh yes, friends, the world is out to get me. Just 'cause I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't coming after me, sigh. It's not easy being me. The latest - applesauce jars. In the past month, I've had three jars of two different brands of applesauce in this house and all three jars were virtually unopenable, by yours truly. I've opened plenty of other jars, no problem. It's just the applesauce. For all of them I've had to try all your basic tricks to open, with the exception of the one where you whack it on the counter. I'm too scared to whack a glass jar full of goo on my counter, since the potential for disaster is too high. Twice I had to procure the Husband's assistance. Of course, for him, it just popped right off. There's just no other logical explanation than that the applesauce industry is trying to make me insane. Where can I turn when I can no longer trust my groceries? It's a cold, scary world.

Jami's Friday Feast

Feast 171 Appetizer What was the last game you purchased? Mah Jongg for Poddy. We don't get to play much, but it's nice to have for when I have a few minutes. Soup Name something in which you don’t believe. I don't believe in having kids and then putting them in daycare for the majority of their waking hours. Salad If you could choose a celebrity to be your boss, who would you pick? Sandra Bullock. She seems to have her head on straight and I've heard she's a really nice person. Main Course What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way? There are a limit to the number of second chances you should give someone. Dessert Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room. It would be very warm, probably in the mid 80s, humid, very dimly lit. There would be a large soft bed with warm fluffy covers, a big comfy recliner, with warm fluffy covers, tea and diet Coke available, a big screen TV, a selection of my favorite books, a white noise machine (for when I'm not watching the TV) and a masseuse.

Jami Gets a J-O-B

You read it right, Jami is back in the work force. I am officially a Data Collection Analyst. I know, impressive right? Ah, sigh, it's not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Basically it involves using a handheld scanner thingy and going to various stores and scanning things. I am legally not allowed to tell you anymore. Yup, that's right. If I tell you, I have to kill you. Which is all kinds of crazy paperwork, so I'd rather not. It's really flexible time-wise, decent pay and according to the people who interviewed me mind-numbingly boring, but hey, a paycheck is a paycheck. My new boss seems to be a real peach and says she adores me, I have to add. Not only have I apparently demonstrated a higher IQ than their normal new recruit (which, apparently means I have no obvious signs of severe brain injury) but I also fixed a problem on my own scanning thingy, rocketing me into genius territory (for now; we all know better). So that's good. She seems to be the kind of boss who won't flip out if I mess up, and she even told me that except for not showing up, there's not much I can do to get fired. Good to know, but I think I'll not test that out. On to more important matters, this week's Word Game Winner, the inimitable PW who used the Word of the Week (furbelow). Lori also had an excellent entry, but PW's beloved Loki definitely better fit the feel of "furbelow" in my estimation and that's the one that counts. To play this week's game, check out the rules here. The word for this week is . . . mephitic - adj- [muh-fit-ik] 1. offensive to the smell. 2. noxious; pestilential; poisonous. Today, my grandmother changed Eddie's mephitic diaper. Perhaps you can use it to insult someone without their knowing it. Always fun.

Jami Versus Science

Ah, Science, my old nemesis. Actually Math was pretty much my arch-enemy, but Science was up there, too. I am frequently perplexed by sciencey things, and here are few. Maybe one of my brilliant readers can explain some of these to me, keeping in mind that 1. I am science-challenged and 2. I haven't had a science-themed class in more than a decade. First - I don't get sound recording/playback. It just doesn't make sense. How can the contents of my iPod make the same sounds as a bass guitar, a piano or Brett Michaels? TV I get; it's totally logical. The little pixels make the colors, and the way they are arranged makes it look like pictures and that the pictures are moving. Totally clear. But the sound - I don't get it. I can't take a piece of metal and plastic and then shake, bang or rub them together in a way that makes a sound like a trumpet. How is that possible?? And don't say that it's just replaying sound waves because that is TOTALLY my point - how can something make the same sound waves as something it isn't? Speaking of sound waves, even having worked in radio, I can't tell you how that works. If there are sound waves rushing around in all the different frequencies, why don't I ever walk into a stream of sports talk or oldies? Sure it's all in the "translation" of the radio, but for that, see point one. As a former FCC licensed (when they still required that) on-air personality, I can explain to you the difference between AM and FM (which I won't here, but I do know it) but I can't for the life of me understand what it means and why you can send sound on different frequencies and they sound the same. Lastly, electricity. So, I get that it comes through the wires into the house and up to the light fixture. I get that if there isn't a bulb in the fixture, the electricity doesn't fall out onto my head, because there's really nothing there to conduct it. But, if there's a burnt out bulb in there, what is happening to the electricity? The bulb is conductive, obviously. How does the electricity know to stop going into it? I know it does because I've broken light bulbs (unintentionally) and the pent up electricity never comes shooting out. So where's it going? If it's not going, how does it know??? My poor brain is tired. We prefer the soothing intellectual things, like a good nonfiction book or science like on Forensic Files where it's very cut-and-dry (no pun intended, but that was a good one). My best guess for the three concerns above is "magic". Clearly sound from a box is magic and electricity isn't a solid, liquid or gas, so that leaves Supernatural Entity, right? This is why my degree is in Communications . . ..