Jami and the 'Ade

As I mentioned yesterday, when I'm sick, I am all about the Gatorade. Or Powerade, I'm not a stickler for the brand name. I do care about flavors; citrusy are best, but I'm not opposed to blue and purple. The rest of my life, I couldn't care less if I never had another taste of it, but as soon as my belly starts churning, I'm headed to the grocery store (or sending out The Husband) for some 'Ade.

I don't know if it's psychosamatic, or if there is something in there that just works with my stomach or if there's a voodoo curse that says I can only keep Gatorade down, but if you know I've got a bug and you want to help, bring me the Gatorade, not the soup. Soup is great, don't get me wrong, but I'll be through 3 quarts of my Ade before I even try the soup. And, if you bring me Gatorade, I promise I will remember it forever. You could end up on the news, carving a swastika into a puppy while you burn down an orphange, but I'll be thinking "Yeah, but he brought me Gatorade once, so he's not all bad."

If you see me drinking Gatorade, it means one of three things:

1. I feel like I'm getting sick and I'm heading it off.

2. I've been sick and it's the only thing I can stand to look at.

3.I felt like I was getting sick and I bought a ridiculous amount of it because when I get sick I get convinced that I will never be better. Seriously, one day last week, I upchucked once... and bought 10 1-qt bottles of Powerade. Overkill? Sure. But I was prepared.

Once I start getting better, I want McDonalds chicken nuggets. Don't know why, but they are the ultimate "I think I'm better" food.

Jami Explains What Happened

Oh, so sad. We are weeping in Pittsburgh, for our beloved Pens lost the Cup. At least they really made those awful Wings work for it. So, here's my explanation of why we don't have Lord Stanley's Cup in the Burgh. Playoff Beards - Clearly, the Wings, with the older team, had bigger, fuller playoff beards. If you're not a hockey fan, allow me to explain: When your team makes the playoffs, you're not supposed to shave until you lose. So, by the finals, the guys are looking pretty Grizzly Adams. The Pens have younger guys who seem to not be able to make the beards grow to such glorious fullness. Some of them seemed to try to go for a "hipper" beard, such as the Amish-no-mustache thing. Gadzooks! - So we're watching the first game and I can't figure out why the announcer said "Gadzooks!" Then he says something about how Gadzooks passed the puck. I am so impressed - they have a player named Gadzooks. I love it! I want him on our team. Turns out his name is actually Datsuk, but for the other 5 games, that's all I can think: Gadzooks! He's got the puck. A cool name goes a long way. And speaking of names . . Girls' Names- The pens are saddled with too many girls. Marian, Maxime (too close to Maxine), and the either-ors: Jordan, Tyler, Kris, Sidney. We need more manly-man names. Deal with the Devil - Come on, you know it's true. They wear red. They have some sort of evil flying wheel thing on their jerseys. They have Scotty Bowman. So you see, it's not all our fault. Congrats, Red Wings. I still love you, Pens.

Jami Throws Her Gloves

Hey, JIM MCKEE, yeah, I'm talkin' to you! You think your evil Wings can beat my beloved Pens? I think we need a blog-bet of some sort . . .or are those Wings chicken wings? See what I did there? It was a pun and an insult.

Jami Roots, Roots, Roots for the Home Team

Let's go Pens! I had a better idea for today. Had it all set in my head. And it's totally, totally gone. But I did wear out my welcome by staying at my parents' house all afternoon to watch the game in HD. If anyone is looking for a nice gift for me for my birthday (only 4 shopping months left) I'd sure like a nice huge flat HD television. Just a suggestion. Someone, quick, write a fun and catchy Penguins winning the Stanley Cup song for me to sing.

Jami Manages the Crazy Death Monkeys

It's not as exciting as it sounds, really. What we are talking about here is fantasy hockey. The Husband had had a league for the last several years and at first I had no interest in it. However, I like hockey and I like games. I have no knowledge of players who aren't on the Penguins, however, or at least very little. I suspected this would be my downfall. Last season was my first attempt. I allowed the computer to draft for me, since me trying to make up my own draft when I didn't even really understand most of how the league itself worked seemed like a poor idea. I did choose the name "Crazy Death Monkeys" which was my gaming nickname given to me by a good friend. (Of course, when it was just me, it was just Crazy Death Monkey, but since this is a whole team, one has to pluralize, unless one is a "Blue" or a "Wild" which apparently don't. But I digress). So last year my strategy was:

• Allow the computer to draft for me
• Replace people I didn't like or who weren't doing well or were injured with the player in the same position who had the funniest name.
• Forget to update my team for several days at a time.

This strategy did not work as well as I hoped. I did enjoy one glorious day at the top ranking, and then pretty much rocketed to the cellar like Auntie Em when the wind picks up. The only thing that kept me out of actual last place was the team manager who started the season, then got busy with real life and decided not to play anymore. We defeated him soundly. Go, Monkeys, Go!

This year I employed a new strategy which I choose not to give away here, lest my opponents seize on it. It does not involve any more knowledge, research or paying attention to the games, though I will say that I have managed to keep the team updated almost daily this time. Also, I again let the computer draft for me, since he did such a fine job last year. And the results? As of this writing, CDM lead the league by more than 80 points with less than a month to go. That's right. We've been leading for a few weeks, though I've been loathe to brag, assuming karma would then mortally wound all my players. But I have to crow a little, don't I?

I'm winning. I don't even know who some of the fine young men on my team play for (yes, I know it says it under their names, that doens't mean I remember it once I click away), and yet I am kicking the butts of some serious hockey junkies.

So let me just say:

Crazy Death Monkeys rock the house! We are kickin' butt and cookin' chickens! They said the Hanson Brothers couldn't be beaten (acutally I said that). They said a Monkey can't beat a Unicorn (okay, no one said that). They said someone who doesn't really even "get" some of the rules can never triumph.

They were wrong . . . . The Crazy Death Monkeys are leaving 'em all behind.

Go, Monkeys, Go!!!

(I encourage you to chant this, right now, wherever you are.)

Jami's Odds and Ends

Does anyone else think the name "Umberto" is just too close to "umbilical"? Every time I hear someone say "Umberto" my head adds "cord" to the end. I don't follow baseball much, but isn't the World Series, at least in theory, supposed to be a contest between the two best teams in North America? Then how could I have turned the game on last night to see Boston ahead by twelve runs in the bottom of the eighth? They are still just one point a piece, right? It's not like they've added touchdowns. This is true: the commentators were so bored they were discussing Van Halen. Again, I'm not that up on the current baseball situation, but as far as I know, Van Halen is not really involved in the game, even the finals. I have never locked the keys in the car, but I did leave them in the car today, in the ignition (!!) and with the passenger side door unlocked (so technically, I still haven't locked the keys in the car). I'd have to say that the Galleria parking lot must be a very safe place, because the keys, the car and all its contents were still there an hour later when I got back. And finally, back to the Word Game, which I forgot last week: Rules are here. I expect EDW, Patrick and previous winner PW to humor me this time, please? This week's word: abstruse /āb-strōōs'/ 1.hard to understand; recondite; esoteric: abstruse theories. Obsolete. secret; hidden. 2. Concerned with obscure subject matter. Have a great Thursday. Hope I haven't been too abstruse.