Jami Explains What Happened

Oh, so sad. We are weeping in Pittsburgh, for our beloved Pens lost the Cup. At least they really made those awful Wings work for it. So, here's my explanation of why we don't have Lord Stanley's Cup in the Burgh. Playoff Beards - Clearly, the Wings, with the older team, had bigger, fuller playoff beards. If you're not a hockey fan, allow me to explain: When your team makes the playoffs, you're not supposed to shave until you lose. So, by the finals, the guys are looking pretty Grizzly Adams. The Pens have younger guys who seem to not be able to make the beards grow to such glorious fullness. Some of them seemed to try to go for a "hipper" beard, such as the Amish-no-mustache thing. Gadzooks! - So we're watching the first game and I can't figure out why the announcer said "Gadzooks!" Then he says something about how Gadzooks passed the puck. I am so impressed - they have a player named Gadzooks. I love it! I want him on our team. Turns out his name is actually Datsuk, but for the other 5 games, that's all I can think: Gadzooks! He's got the puck. A cool name goes a long way. And speaking of names . . Girls' Names- The pens are saddled with too many girls. Marian, Maxime (too close to Maxine), and the either-ors: Jordan, Tyler, Kris, Sidney. We need more manly-man names. Deal with the Devil - Come on, you know it's true. They wear red. They have some sort of evil flying wheel thing on their jerseys. They have Scotty Bowman. So you see, it's not all our fault. Congrats, Red Wings. I still love you, Pens.