Jami Feels Disrespected

I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for the "Join our email clubs for great deals". I'd guess I'm probably in 20 of them for local restaurants or other fun places. I do use the coupons if I'm going out anyway, which considering our current entertainment budget is not really that often. But I read the offers, I print the coupons if I think I *might* use them, and yes, having a coupon makes me more likely to patronize your establishment. So we all win. But I'm calling out Papa John's. Dude, I love your pizza and I more than love the garlic sauce (and yes, I'm aware that it's basically melted margarine with garlic powder but that doesn't mean I love it any less). I was jazzed when I signed up for the email club because I'm going to be honest, as much as I dig your pies, they are a bit pricey. And I'm cheap, plus poor. Then I got the emails. My "Weekly Offer" comes into my mailbox each week, often with a great subject like "Free Garlic Breadstix" Yay! But every single one, even - no especially - the ones with the enticing-sounding subjects, let me down. Twice in the past month the special offer I get for being a loyal devotee of your store and member of your oh-so-exclusive email club was the exact same offer you were advertising on TV. First of all, it's not even a truly great deal and secondly, why did I sign up, give you my personal email and info and take my time up to read the same thing that I can see on TV, along with all the riff-raff who didn't even bother to sign up? Even the ones that aren't the same are still pretty craptacular offers. Free breadsticks if I buy a large gourmet pizza?? Let me explain something to you, there is another chain that is closer to my house that offers a pizza for $5. Got it? Five buckaroos. So, I can spend $17 and drive farther to get to your store and get 1 pizza plus my "free" breadsticks or I can make the shorter trip and get a pizza for $5. Even I buy my own breadsticks at their store, I am still saving about $10. And guess what? They have garlic sauce now, too. So step it up, Papa Johns! Free chicken wings if I buy a large, 3 or more topping pizza? Nope, not gonna try your wings, not gonna buy from you. Want me to try and love your wings? How about buy the wings, get a free large pizza? Now that's a deal worthy of my time and printer ink.

Jami Has No Great Depth.

If you didn't read yesterday's post, it's about some underwear which I don't really like, but never throw away. I reread it this morning and felt like I was stretching for something I couldn't quite grasp. Was I trying to say that there are certain things in life one puts up with because.... of something...? That I settle for less than the best? Was the whole panties problem a metaphor for something greater? No. It really wasn't. I wrote it in a few minutes because it amused me that I have a pair of undies that I really and truly think of as "the least favorite underwear" and that's it. No more. But part of me is even more amused at the idea that I almost tricked myself. Looking for a hidden meaning in my underwear drawer, as it were. And of course, this leads me to imagine ("Scrubs"-style for fans of that show) a classroom of college kids debating with a ponytailed professor the finer points of that post. "But don't you see, class, how the cut of the leg holes is not bad, but also not right? Because what Jami is trying to say here is that just because something doesn't suit our tastes, it may not be wrong. The author is still embracing the wrong panties, because they have intrinsic value, even if they are not the most beautiful ones . . . " So, in case you were wondering, there is no symbolism. No secret message, no deeper meaning and in fact, I wrote this entire post so I could publish this one sentence: Sorry, there's nothing hidden in my drawers.

Jami and the Least Favorite Pair of Underwear

I am doing laundry today because if I don't, tomorrow I will have to wear my least favorite pair of underwear. I'm not going to give you any details. It's a style I normally wear, and a decent color. The cut is just slightly different, I think, than other pairs in this style and the material too thick or something. See, the thing is, they aren't uncomfortable enough to throw them out in good conscious, and they're not at all worn out (since I wear them only when I seriously slack off on the laundry). They aren't particularly sexy or unsexy, they just sort of are. And, if it comes down to any other pair I own or them, I will always go for the other pair. Then, if I can, I will do laundry that day. The question that has occurred to me is - why do I keep these underwear? You might say that they serve a purpose: to remind me, if I've been lazy, that it's time to do laundry. But let's be honest, if I didn't have that pair, what would happen if I got down that low? I'd do laundry because instead of having the least favorite pair to wear, I'd have none. Or, I'd do laundry when I realized that I only had one left, least favorite or not. In the grand scheme of things, I don't recall how much they cost, I've had them for several years at least, and I'm sure they weren't that expensive. Even if I pitched them and felt the need to replace the pair, they have some on sale at WalMart for $2, so I wouldn't be breaking the bank. And yet, I keep thinking: but they aren't torn or anything. The elastic hasn't broken. They're still good. I can't donate them - even if Goodwill or somewhere takes used undies, I just can't do that. I couldn't buy them, so I won't give them. I certainly am not going to FreeCycle one pair of uncomfortable (to me) panties. I have a sneaking suspicion that I could find someone on Craigslist to buy them, but uh... no. And then the final thought that occurs to me. No matter how many pairs I have, one pair will always have to be the least favorite. I mean, let's face it - in any set of anything, there is a best and a worst. If I got down to two pairs, I'd still most likely prefer one to the other. That's the way the world is. So I'll throw the next load of clothes in the dryer, and another set in the washer. by the time I go to bed, the drawer will be brimming with warm dry undergarments, and the least favorite underwear will be buried until the next time I slack off this long. Perhaps they will last me for the rest of my life, never wearing out since they are almost never worn. My legacy - the least favorite pair of underwear.

Jami's Offer of the Day!! Don't Miss Out!!

Hi folks, are you bored, flabby and in need of entertainment? I am offering for rent, at a very reasonable price, 1 ten-month-old boy who apparently does not require sleep and is magnetically attracted to dangerous objects. You get: - exercise as you chase him around. - a chance to practice your primal screaming. - to find all those sharp and/or poisonous items you've dropped and not found. You may even find some new dangers you weren't aware of! - fun for the whole family as he shrieks and tears around your house. - to experience the fun hallucinations from sleep deprivation. BUT WAIT - order now and I'll throw in, for NO extra charge.... 1 almost-5-year-old who is attempting to prove that everything any adult says is wrong. With this addition, you can also: - practice your debating skills! - learn to multi-task! - appreciate how clean your house was! - reinforce to your teens why they should practice abstinence! That's right - order now and get BOTH these life enhancing products in your home for 1 low, low price. Delivery available to the Western PA area, in other parts of the country shipping charges may apply.

Jami Will Warn You, Just This Once

Warning: Parts of this post are not in good taste. So, not too long ago, Patrick posted this about a celebrity who had foolishly allowed a lover to take embarrassing pictures of herself. If you're a celebrity, or hoping to become a celebrity, you're an idiot to allow anyone to take naked or let's just say "private" photos or videos of you because even though you're totally in L-U-V at that moment, there's always the chance they'll get mad enough at you or poor enough to sell those pics to the press and that's (sadly) always news. However, I'm going to just make a brief statement that in general, this is not a good idea for anyone. First off, we are judged often enough in our lives, do we really have to see what we look like in those very special moments? Do you want to know for a fact that you make a weird face or do you need photographic evidence that your belly is jelly? I say no. Let's stick with our self-indulgent delusions that we can look hot in the right lighting with the right lingerie. Second, sooner or later, we are all gonna die. Not to be Captain Bring-down here, but the grim reaper is coming for us all (yes, I'm on the same topic, stay with me here). Let's say that you and your significant other are both wiped out in the same tragic accident. I hope it's not going to happen, but hey, you never know, right? So after the meteor squashes your Chevy with you in it, who is going to be going through your stuff to decide what goes to Goodwill? Depending on your age, most likely your kids or your parents. Do you want their memory of you to be the stash of pics you keep in the fire safe? Imagine if your mom finds a video that says "Bob and Mary, anniversary" and she pops it in only to see you celebrating your anniversary in your birthday suits! Or the family gathers to watch the last thing you videoed before leaving this mortal plain and the video starts off with Grandma Ethel's 90th birthday and cuts to Naked Batman wrestling Crotchless Catwoman. Not good. Now, I have a few friends who have a dignity-in-death pact - if one friend bites the big one, the other friend goes to the house and cleans out a specific drawer before the family can get there. This could work, but only if :1. you have a friend you can trust to do that, and 2. you can also trust this friend not to go rooting around the drawer when you're on vacation. So, to sum up: If you're famous, don't do sex tapes and nude pics. If you're not, it's probably not a great idea, either. Just saying.

Jami Wonders About McNugget Shapes

So, McNuggets come in two shapes, oval and that sort of rectangular with the little extra bump. Why? And what is that second shape? Waaay back when they had white and dark meat McNuggets (remember?), that shape was more likely to be dark meat. I got super-extra good at telling which were the dark meat, which I preferred. I could dump a whole basket of McNuggets and flawlessly pick out a 20-piece of dark. Speaking of which, I miss the dark. there's no reason to have just white meat. Seriously folks, it's hyper-processed,breaded and deep fried, do you really believe that it's better that it's just white meat? Come on. Besides dark meat has more iron and B vitamins. So there. Pbbbbt. Anyway, why these two shapes and only these two? Who picked them and who designed this odd shape? Is it supposed to mimic a certain part of the chicken (and if so, what?) is it supposed to look random? Did someone's kid draw it? The world may never know. And I'm too lazy to Google it and shift through the answers.

Jami Shouldn't Get a Fancy Phone

Our phone plan is over soon meaning it's time to spend way too much time online and in stores trying to figure out what plan/carrier/phone to chose. I hate that. But I am sure that as much as I want a cool new phone with internet access and apps and whatnot, it's probably not a great idea. First off, I don't need another way to waste time that I have too little of anyway. Second, my FaceBook would probably end up looking like this: Jami is buying diapers at Walmart, as usual. Jami is behind a checkout cheater who has 23 items in the 12 item or fewer aisle. Jami doesn't care if the checkout cheater sees me rolling my eyes and visibly counting her items, the sign clearly says 12 or fewer. Jami is trying very hard not to tell her that ten 2-liter bottles of Diet Mr. Pibb is NOT one item, even if it's all Diet Mr. Pibb and who the heck drinks Mr. Pibb, anyway? Three containers of ice cream isn't one item, either - they're not even the same brand or flavor!! Cheater!! Jami knows that you are looking over my shoulder reading my posts about you, but that still doesn't change the fact that you are a checkout cheater. You are what is wrong with America. Jami is being escorted from WalMart by a very rude security guy. The checkout cheater is being allowed to checkout her 23 items in the express lane. INJUSTICE! UNFAIR! Someone call the police! Or Superman! Jami is being forced to turn over her phone to the police, please call the Husband.... I realize that on FaceBook this would actually go up instead of down, but it's solely for the purpose of example. But I still want a cool phone with internet. Of course, then I could blog more. So everyone wins.

Jami Vs the Hideous Mutant Ninja Spiders

We have a relatively new playroom in the basement, courtesy of my dad. It's great, and in the recent heat, a haven of coolness. The one downside I've noticed is that it's apparently the place for all the cool spiders to hang out. I get frantic calls from Eddie at least twice a day to come and relocate these uninvited guests. Generally, I don't care about spiders; I ignore them and they ignore me while eating the bugs I hate. It's a sort of win-win. But we have tons of these increasingly large and scary looking guys. Last night, I go down to the basement to get something out of the little root cellar behind the playroom (side note: I have also heard that called "fruit cellar" which I think much be wrong because it seems the least favorable place to store fruit. But I digress.) and as I walk through the door I feel a web that goes from my right ear, all the way down and across my body to my left knee. No lie. I manage to turn the light on, not totally freak out, grab the stuff I needed and leave. As luck would have it, that was the last thing I had planned to do before my shower, anyway, so I ran up and got ready. As I took down the bun I had in my hair, I felt what I thought was my braid brush my back and glanced in the mirror to see the spider that built that web run across my back. This was barely even a spider. It was a really a chihuahua with extra legs. The only reason you didn't hear my screams wherever you are is that I am pretty sure my scream transcended all earthly sound. Some sort of primal caveman instinct took over and I did the dance of spider removal, because I have never before been able to reach that part of my back with both hands and at super-speed. The mutant dropped to the floor leaving me with a bit of a problem. I'm barefoot and there is no way I am trusting my naked foot to that spiny bastard. I smacked him with a magazine a few times (stunning him, I think) and then located a sandal I could reach in the hall without taking my eyes off the bugger. I slammed him into a giant pile of spider guts and cleaned it up with a roll of paper towels. Here's why this is concerning - the web he'd made was big enough for me. This is no longer a nuisance; they're coming for me. Now I can't even let the boys play in the basement unsupervised anymore for fear they'll be trussed up and dragged off while I put the laundry in.

Jami Discuss the new Karate Kid Movie - Sorta Spoilers

This is not a review. If you've seen the 80s version of Karate Kid, then nothing I tell you is going to be a spoiler here, either. I saw Karate Kid the other night, mostly because it was the second movie at the drive in, otherwise, I probably would have waited for the DVD to come out. Unless you are a big fan of Jaden Smith and feel you must see it immediately, I wouldn't say you have to run out and see it tonight. It's basically the same movie you saw in the 80s, just change NJ to Detroit, California to China and unhappy high school kid to unhappy 12 year old. Oh, and even though it's called Karate Kid, he learns Kung Fu, not karate. But you know, details. Okay, so first of, Jaden Smith is crazy-stupid talented. He is ridiculously young to have as much screen presence as he has. You have to watch him. Now, don't get me wrong, because I love me some Will Smith, but Jaden has more real presence - Will has charisma, if you get the difference. He doesn't feel like he's acting, even when he cries, when IMO, kids are the most obviously faking. He emotes in subtle, skillful ways. This kid has serious natural talent, and I'm not even talking about the ridiculously impossible-looking physical stuff he does. And the fact that, as the Husband put it, "No 12-year-old should be that ripped." As for the movie, I have to say that one things seriously disturbed me. Okay, so the character "Dre" and his mom move to China, from Detroit. Dre speaks no Chinese. The first day they are there, his mom sends him to find the maintainence guy to fix the hot water. Which for some reason requires him leaving the building and wandering around a bit. He finds the guy and then wanders over to the park for awhile. And even though he comes home after dark, his mom does not seem to be freaked out and frantically searching for him. A 12-year-old, gone for hours in a strange city where he doesn't know anyone or speak the language. But she's ASLEEP when he gets home. Hmmm. Okay. I'll let it go because they have to get him to find his Mr. Miyagi (who in this case is Mr. Han). Then, a day or so later, he tells her he is going to Mr. Han's house to learn Kung Fu. Now, maybe I'm over-protective, but I said to the Husband, "She's just letting him go to some guy's house? A 40 year-old guy who lives alone invites your kid over and you don't even talk to him about it?" but again, I figure, maybe I am just too paranoid. But, a week later in movie time, he goes on a day trip, on a train with this guy. Okay. I'm going to have to call Bad Parenting on this one. "Hi, I'm a stranger you've met twice and I've had your son at my house all day every day for a week, alone. I'd like to take him on a trip to visit this mystical thing. We'll have to take the train and we'll be back pretty late at night, okay? Don't worry, I'll let him sleep on me in the train." I can't be the only one who feels this is not good. Throughout the movie, the mom (a widow who has to work to support them, I get it, but still) seems to have only the vaguest idea of where her kid is at any given moment. You might say that that's what happened in the first movie, and I agree , except that the kid in that movie was older (high schooler, maybe 15, 16?) and spoke the language in the city he lived in. Also, as I told the Husband, he knew how to call the police, whereas a 12 year-old in Bejing, probably not. I don't know if the laws of pedophilia are different in China; I'm not being rude about China, I'm saying that maybe 12 is the age of consent there or maybe it's not as big a deal. I don't know, and that's the point. Also, maybe again, just me, but it was hard watching a kid that little get beat up. Lastly, I didn't think the romance was necessary. I mean, it was very appropriately done for the age, a few hand-holding incidents, a chaste kiss, and I also know that kids these days are doing far more than that. Even still, I just thought, not every story needs a romantic interest. Oh - and Jackie Chan only has one action-fighting scene, if you don't count his training stuff with Jaden, which really isn't that much either. So if you're going to see some Chan-style fighting fun, you'll be disappointed.