Jami Vs the Hideous Mutant Ninja Spiders

We have a relatively new playroom in the basement, courtesy of my dad. It's great, and in the recent heat, a haven of coolness. The one downside I've noticed is that it's apparently the place for all the cool spiders to hang out. I get frantic calls from Eddie at least twice a day to come and relocate these uninvited guests. Generally, I don't care about spiders; I ignore them and they ignore me while eating the bugs I hate. It's a sort of win-win. But we have tons of these increasingly large and scary looking guys. Last night, I go down to the basement to get something out of the little root cellar behind the playroom (side note: I have also heard that called "fruit cellar" which I think much be wrong because it seems the least favorable place to store fruit. But I digress.) and as I walk through the door I feel a web that goes from my right ear, all the way down and across my body to my left knee. No lie. I manage to turn the light on, not totally freak out, grab the stuff I needed and leave. As luck would have it, that was the last thing I had planned to do before my shower, anyway, so I ran up and got ready. As I took down the bun I had in my hair, I felt what I thought was my braid brush my back and glanced in the mirror to see the spider that built that web run across my back. This was barely even a spider. It was a really a chihuahua with extra legs. The only reason you didn't hear my screams wherever you are is that I am pretty sure my scream transcended all earthly sound. Some sort of primal caveman instinct took over and I did the dance of spider removal, because I have never before been able to reach that part of my back with both hands and at super-speed. The mutant dropped to the floor leaving me with a bit of a problem. I'm barefoot and there is no way I am trusting my naked foot to that spiny bastard. I smacked him with a magazine a few times (stunning him, I think) and then located a sandal I could reach in the hall without taking my eyes off the bugger. I slammed him into a giant pile of spider guts and cleaned it up with a roll of paper towels. Here's why this is concerning - the web he'd made was big enough for me. This is no longer a nuisance; they're coming for me. Now I can't even let the boys play in the basement unsupervised anymore for fear they'll be trussed up and dragged off while I put the laundry in.