Jami and FB-Free Wednesdays

For those who are FaceBookers, you may have noticed my absence from the site the last few Wednesdays. There are personal reasons for it, but the first time that I took a Wednesday totally off from FB, I realized two things: 1. It was way harder than it should have been (seriously, I was fretting about imaginary crops going bad.) 2. I got much more done. So I intend to continue this practice. Yes, I miss out on my daily chance in Mafia Wars, and I have to think ahead when planting my FarmVille Farm, lest my pumpkins whither and die untended. The most frustrating to me is the comments I would have re-commented on, but by Thursday, I feel like it's too late. Those who know me know that I hate to lose an opportunity to make a witty (in my own opinion) comment.

Jami and the Dirty Expression

Warning: This blog post contains swears. Don't read it if you can't deal with cusswords. I love, though rarely use, the expression "lost his shit." It always brings a smile to my face, because it is one of the very few idioms that I feel very aptly expresses exactly the situation someone is in. I think part of it is my mental image of how agitated you would have to be to literally lose your shit. I mean, dude, I've been angry, scared, sad and exhausted all in the extreme and sometimes in combinations, but never enough to have just crapped myself. But I get idea. I had a couple of those moments in my pregnancy especially when I (figuratively) lost my shit. It's sort of all those emotions tinged with the breaking of one's sanity - that's exactly what the phrase conveys. Now, I say "I just lost it" much more frequently. In my never humble and always correct opinion, "losing it" is a sort of briefer, momentary, more recoverable loss of one's emotional control. Losing "it" is like the step before one loses one's shit. Let's say I'm at the point where I am losing it: I'm crying (because that's what I do when any extreme emotion hits, it's biological, my eyes water when I'm mad, scared, happy, hungry) and I'm past the point of censoring what I say. And then you do that one thing, that is way beyond my abilities to cope. Now I'm not losing it, I've lost my shit. It's a loss of basic functionality, like comprehensible speech or common sense. It's when you're so whatever-you-are that you can't see straight. And this is one of those times when a swear is both appropriate and perhaps even necessary. "Bob lost his crap" doesn't do it for me. "Bob's going nuts" could mean he's have some silly fun. But "And then Bob totally lost his shit" guarantees that I will give Bob some space and not do whatever it was that came before that sentence in the story. And thus ends the day's lesson.

Jami's Letter to Charlie Sheen

Dear Charlie, I like Two and Half Men. It's cute. Get help. I don't know what happened with this new wife, and judging from Denise Richards's choices since your divorce, I'm not going to lend her wild accusations too much credence, but there is clearly a problem. If you can't be married, don't, and stop knocking these young women up. Don't hit women. Don't threaten to kill anyone. Maybe have a Diet Coke instead of a mixed drink. Thanks so much, Jami PS - just because the character gets laughs on 2 1/2 Men, doesn't mean we like a drunken jerk in real life. Just saying.

Jami May Smell

One of the concerns I've had since becoming a stay-at-home mom is the fear that I stink. See, pre-kids, I showered in the mornings and showered or took a long, hot, luxurious bubble bath every evening. Some days (especially when I lived in the place I didn't pay the utilities) I showered mid-day as well. Just because I could. When Eddie first came home and I still worked, the Husband would be taking care of the boy in the mornings, so I still showered every day, even if I didn't get my second one. BUT - and other SAHMs can back me up on this if they're being honest - when you are the primary care giver to one or more little ones, there are days when you just can't get to the shower. Even if I do, I sometimes get out realizing I didn't wash an entire section of my body or that I still have conditioner in my hair because I'm trying to get in and out of there before the next mommy-requiring calamity. Now, if I'm going somewhere, I almost always finagle a shower on those days, but sometimes I just can't, especially if where I'm going is to the grocery store and post office and I have 10 minutes until I have to pick up the big one at preschool, but the little one is screaming to eat RIGHT NOW and I haven't even showered or eaten and I can't find my left tennis shoe. Also, mommying involves a variety of stinky objects one must deal with. Diapers, garbage, juice cups which were left behind the chair long enough to qualify as science fair projects. Plus the effort involved does often lead to sweating, regardless of the extremely misleading stereotype of women sitting around eating chocolates and watching daytime TV. You chase my toddler for 1 hour, carry laundry up and down 2 flights of stairs wearing a baby and then we'll see how you smell. This leads me to worry, frequently, that I might be malodorous. I use tons of deodorant. When I do get to take a "real" shower, I scrub off the first several layers of skin. I try to ensure that I'm always wearing clothes that have been worn no more than 2 non-consecutive days. So there you go. I love being a mom, but sometimes, it really stinks.

Jami and the Very Cute Kids

There's no doubt, my boys are adorable. Totally different looking, but both absolutely too cute. I know that most little ones have a cuteness about them that cannot be denied and let's face it, when we love someone, they are more attractive to us. But, there are a few babies and toddlers that I've seen that frankly, are just not that good looking. I'm not talking about birth defects or anything like that. Just kids that aren't that cute. It's not their fault and there's nothing really wrong with the kids, just, you know - not great. And yes, I know there was a Seinfeld episode about that. It's actually one of the two I have seen all of and I only watched it because people kept telling me about it. Anyway, my question is (and this is a hypothetical, so don't take offense): If you are the parent of a baby who isn't that cute, do you know it? Not that you don't think they are cute, but objectively, can you tell? My guess is no. I actually had an acquaintance (no, not you) who had a child who was very sweet and bright and pleasant and kinda weird looking. The mother actually said to me at one point that they were considering doing some of those beautiful baby contests because "they aren't that expense to enter and she'd obviously win". Hmmm. Now, growing up we had an odd-looking dog. Hair hanging down off of her ears, stripes across her back, just kinda overall different. I thought she was very cute, but I also knew that by society's standards, she wouldn't be winning any dog shows, even if she had a pedigree. But a dog, for most folk, is not the same as a child. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all children are beautiful simply by virtue of being children. I may be the only person who didn't find the Olsen twins cute as toddlers. But I'm just going to put it out there - do people with weird babies know it? Discuss.