Jami Thinks This is Just Wrong

I know I haven't been around in awhile, but dude, I had to share this with you. There are a number of things wrong here, and I don't just mean the name "Ruppies". Back soon, I promise...

Jami Wants to Share

Maybe it's because it's past my bedtime, or maybe it's just that I am a sucker for alliteration, but I have to share this product I stumbled across with you: the Hooter Hider I love that it's called the Hooter Hider as much as I love the fact that it looks like you're wearing half a shower curtain. Discreet? Sure, in that you can't see the baby or the boobies. But not in the sense that someone is going to not notice you're doing something unusual. This sort of screams "Don't stare! I'm breastfeeding here!" And it's one of those things where people aren't going to be sure what to look at. La, la, I don't notice your new fabric covered appliance. I'm not saying it's a bad idea or even that I would never use it. Hey, I'm all for the breastfeeding, and if this makes it work for you, more power to you. I just mostly like saying Hooter Hider. Also, I love this baby straight jacket, with matching hat. Wish it came in 3T. Hooter Hider!!

Jami Fears for the Future

I have to admit to watching a couple of reality shows. Celebrity Apprentice (edited so that you feel smarter, thanks NBC) and Biggest Loser are the current ones, though I did watch and enjoy the Joe Schmoe Show (first season only, second one sucked) and I couldn't stop watching that one where people allowed themselves to be repeatedly beaten up so they could "win" a spot in pro-wrestling. Very train-wreckish, that one. Anyway, I also watch a few of the "Worlds Dumbest . . ." style shows, especially the ones courtesy of the Smoking Gun, which features "celebrities" (use that term lightly) commenting on the clips. I watch two judge shows - People's Court and Judge Judy, which I consider to be, sadly, the classiest of the judge show bunch. And, observing this much of humanity, I can only come to one conclusion - we, as a people, are getting stupider. It must be a result of our anti-Darwinism, where we protect the least fit (and I'm not talking physically, here) from their own bad choices, inadequacies and basic self-destructive natures. That and the fact that smart people, decent, intelligent educated people, seem to have less children overall. Yes, that's a generalization and I know some wonderful families with tons of kids. However, I also see far more ding-dongs with 8 kids by 5 different partners, none of whom I would trust to watch my dirty laundry at the laundromat. For more on the logical outcome of this premise, see the movie Idiocracy. I'm not sure what can be done to reverse this dumbening trend, but I have a few suggestions, not that anyone who needs them will read this blog: 1. If you have to bail him out of jail repeatedly, don't have kids with him. 2. If a friend, significant other, or relative asks you to cosign for something because they have bad credit and can't do it - pause for just a moment and ask yourself - how did he/she get bad credit? From not repaying creditors (that's the people who lend someone money)? This means that someone who has a history of not paying people back is asking you to be responsible for the money they are borrowing from someone else who they are probably not going to pay back. Get it? 3. If you have more than 3 children by more than 3 partners, please get fixed. We don't need you to mix up the gene pool all by yourself, and your kids just have a bigger chance of committing unintentional incest. 4. Watch some of the judge shows and notice how many of the bad stories start out with "We was drinkin' . . ." Alcohol can be fun, but know what kind of drunk you are and stick with a nice comfy buzz. These are just a few guidelines to help you live a happier, healthier life. Thank you.

Jami Finds a Kindred Spirit

Yesterday, at my son's preschool I mention to another parent that I can't believe it's April, and about to snow (by the time I write this, of course, it has snowed - grrrr!) Sunday we played outside in shorts and today I'm cleaning off my car in full winter regalia. It's not right. It's not fair. the other parent nodded absently and said something along the lines of "Umm, yeah. This weather is yucky." Yucky?? That's the best you can do? That doesn't begin to cover it; this snow in what is supposed to be Spring is an outrage! A travesty! A heartbreaking outpouring of white evil from above. I groused to myself as we drove home - does no one understand how awful this is? And then, as Eddie and I left our house at dinner time to retrieve the Husband from work - in the midst of this horrid disaster, my neighbor emerged from her house. "Do you like the snow, Eddie?" She asked in a polite grown-up-talking-to-a-toddler voice "NO!" shouted Eddie, either because he had been made to wear his winter coat instead of beloved orange jacket, or because he heard mommy complaining. "Me neither!!" replied the neighbor, "I am so tired of this snow! I hate the cold! It's supposed to be Spring!" And I heard in her voice the same weary anger one can hear in my own. "Exactly!" I cried, glad to have company in my misery. "And there's nothing we can do about it - no one you can call up to protest!" "Right! No one you can even be mad at!" She responded. So we bonded, a bit more, over finding someone else who understands that snow in April isn't just yucky. It's just wrong.

Jami is Hunk of Burning Something

So the Husband is laughing at me right now. Why? Because in describing the heartburn I am currently experiencing, I used the word "legendary" and explained that "this is the kind of heartburn they write songs about". You know, if they wrote songs about heartburn. But honestly, it's not even heartburn, it's torso-burn. I feel it in my hips and shoulders. I have never in my life had heartburn this bad. I could power a small village. And the thing is, it's "just part of pregnancy". Do you KNOW all the "little side effects" of pregnancy? Here are the bazillion or so symptoms of pregnancy women experience some or all of:

• nausea
• heartburn
• sleeplessness
• fatigue
• cravings
• aversions (normal foods/smells making you ill)
• headaches
• cramps
• increase mucus
• congestion
• constipation
• diarrhea (yes, both)
• flatulence
• high blood pressure
• increased urination
• round ligament pain
• increased sensitivity to smells
• dry skin
• acne
• breast pain
• back pain
• ringing in ears
• water retention
• nightmares
• bloating
• That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there's more.

Seriously - all this and we choose to get pregnant (mostly)?? And you can't even drink when you're experiencing all of this? Of course, these symptoms only last the 40 weeks . . .