Jami in Training

I'm back online, thanks to my Mom for generously lending me her spare laptop while mine is being fixed by Tim the Magnificent. But that's not what this post is about. Long story short, Eddie's had a little training potty out for about 4-5 months or so. The lazy and optimistic part of me hoped he's somehow spontaneously potty-train himself - you know, just one day drop trou, whip off the diapers and go. Of course, that hasn't happened. In fact, for most of that time he either actively ignored it or, on very rare occasions, sat on it - but only when fully dressed. If I even took his shoes off, he'd refuse to sit there. Two days ago, I'm in the bathroom and he points at it and says "Potty?" Trying to contain my joy, I ask if he wants to sit on the potty, and miraculously, he lets me strip him down and plop him on it. This being the first time he's used the potty sans pants, we hadn't discovered the HUGE design flaw in this one. It's called a "splash guard" and it's supposed to prevent boys from, uh, spraying outside the confines of the potty, but whoever designed this one didn't test it out with boys, I'd have to guess. When I put him down - all the way to the very back of the seat, where he could never get himself - his, um, equipment was pressed up against it. This did not look comfortable, and I had a feeling it would lead to no good if pee were to emerge. The other option - oh so much worse - when Eddie applied himself to the potty, his - er - parts rested on top of the guard, basically pointing at an Up and Out angle that would make it extremely unpleasant to be within several feet of the front of the potty. We got a new potty today, with a nice soft cushy seat, and with a splash guard that can be removed, which I've already done. It's so comfy, in fact, that Eddie wanted to sit on it for a good long while. This is promising. Now's where you need to: 1. Use your imagination and 2. Realize that I am not right in the head. He's been sitting on this thing for 15 minutes, why won't he pee? He'll never get it if he doesn't manage to actually DO something while on the darn thing. There should be a way to make him go . . . hmmmmm ....like a place on his belly I could push and the pee would just shoot out? No, that won't work. Oh - running the sink - the sound of the water. (the water runs for a few minutes). This isn't working. Maybe I should put his hand in warm water - isn't that what we used to do at slumber parties? Did that ever work? I think everytime we ever tried it, putting the girl's hand in water woke her up, not made her pee. Let's see - ooooh - maybe if I could scare him, he'd pee! Like, I could get right up close to his face and just SCREEAAAAMMM at the top of my lungs, or make a really scary face and a weird noise or . . .what the heck is wrong with me? Scare the pee out of him, it would probably make him refuse to ever go to the potty and permanently scar him. I've laughed so hard I've peed. Well, not since junior high, but laughing really hard makes me feel like I have to pee. What would make him laugh that hard? This train of thought went on like that until the poor child actually managed to pee. That's right - he peed on the potty! No big deal for all you non-parents, but you other mommies will know what I mean. Whoooo hoooo - and now the ordeal has begun.