My Very Late Adoption Month Post

November was National Adoption Month and I meant to post about it, but just never did. For those who don't know: 1. Our son is adopted from Guatemala 2. We are not infertile, we chose to adopt for a number of reasons, some very personal. Anyway, I had a lot of important and salient points to make but instead, I'd like to talk about a few things not to say to adoptive parents. Most of these, someone said to us. 1. Don't you want your own children? OR Can you still have real children? Yes, that's why we're adopting. Some people find this way more insulting than we did. If you want to refer to "non-adopted" kids, use the phrase "bio kids" or "natural children". Adopted kids are real (trust me, Eddie's way louder than my imaginary children would be) and they are the parents' own kids. 2. I know a family who adopted and they just loved that little girl. This one mostly just cracks me up, but also annoys some adoptive moms I know. Imagine for a minute, talking to a pregnant woman "Oh, you know, my sister had a baby and boy, did she love that little guy." Would you say that? Of course not. I know, you mean to be reassuring, but parents who are adopting pretty much plan to love the kid. 3. Which one of you is infertile?? I couldn't believe people asked us this, but they did. Sometimes people who were barely acquaintences! Dude, it's none of your business. And by the way, neither - it's SUPER insulting to me to insinuate that my son is the result of a second choice. Also, some people also expressed to us that it's "unfair" that we "got to pick" the gender of our baby, pointing out that had we had a child the natural way, we wouldn't have had a choice. I'd say my best response to that is, who said life's fair? If we'd had a child biologically, I wouldn't have had to fly to Guatemala to get him, now would I? Life is full of choices, each of which has consequences. People who've adopted generally don't mind talking about it (NOT always in front of their kids, though, remember) and answering honest questions about the process and the decisions they made. If you want to know, ask - but think first about how your question might sound, and be willing to accept "That's personal" as an answer. However you got to your family, celebrate and enjoy them. If you do have more questions about adoption, I'd love to answer them. I think everyone who wants to be a mommy should consider it.