But For Today . . .

Tomorrow I'll probably cry some, probably revel some. My "usual" First Day of No Job has traditionally been a nacho cheese and movie filled day, usually including an extra-long, extra-hot bubble bath with a good book. There has generally been a little self-pity and a lot of indulging in layabout activity. Since I have an active one-year-old, that's probably not as much of an option this time. Also, this is the first time it's been so personal. I've never been in the situation where I spent years building something out of nothing, only to have it torn down and destroyed by selfish or short-sighted decisions. When I came here, there was an idea - now there is something. Tomorrow, there will be nothing. Today, one by one, we will be shutting off the systems we've put together. Tim, my last remaining full-time coworker was here on the first day this company existed, and is here on the last. I started about 5 months into it, when the idea was a little more fleshed out. I spent my entire first week here trying to figure out what exactly they'd hired me to do. Tomorrow I will still probably shed a few tears. I'll probably ignore the million things I could do around the house. I'll probably watch more TV than is good for the baby and make myself nachos for lunch, after starting him on a healthier option. I'll probably sigh that sigh you only can muster when you realize that you really don't have to be anywhere. But for today, forgive me if I get a little reflective. For today, I'll probably cry several times, even though Tim said, correctly, that any tears for this company should have been shed a long time ago. For today, I'll go to the places around here that I like to shop, and buy a few inexpensive treats to enjoy tomorrow, which I won't be out here to get often. For today, I'll play my music loud enough to annoy the mean people next door. For today, I'll enjoy Tim's camaraderie and our, uh, witty (to us only) banter. For today, I'll still be here, still be employed, still do my job, still love this company and all it's meant to me. Then starting tomorrow, I promise to post cheerier things.