Jami Hands Out Treats of Wisdom

Here's what I have to say after what seems like days of Trick-or-Treating:

1. A three-year-old who takes twenty minutes to get from the living room floor to the front door when you're in a hurry can cover a truly astounding amount of territory in just under two hours, when candy is at stake.
2. If you are going to be home on Halloween, get some candy, you cheap SOB, even if it's one Hershey's kiss per kid. If you're too much of a Halloween Scrooge to even do that, turn off your dang lights and sit in the basement so that little kids who are all excited don't waste their time going to your door and knocking, waiting, telling their Mommies "I hear talking in there, Mommy." Just get the dang candy. Jerks.
3. If you're not going to be home on Halloween and you are going to leave your front porch lights on, with all the decorations up so it LOOKS like someone is home, then I'm not going to stop my toddler from peeing in your shrubs after doing the pee-pee dance on your porch for 3 minutes.
4. When all you want is a Clark bar, your kid will never pick that one out of a bowl, even if it's the only non-Clark bar in the bowl.
5. Apples and raisins are not candy and you're not fooling even a three-year-old. And, the Husband wouldn't let Eddie eat the apple, even though I know which house it came from.
6. There are so many places now to wear your costume/get candy that next year we might not trick or treat at all (if we could get away with it).
7. If you accidentally put the glowstick necklace inside the Spider-man costume, it glows is just the wrong place, making it look like Spidey has a large glowing, uh, webslinger. Like you're about to see a comic-book porn gone wrong. It's disturbing.

Halfway through the evening, Eddie started telling candy-givers "Thank you, have a nice trip!" I don't know why. The parents would look out at me, standing on the sidewalk in my black cat ears and I'd shrug and wave and say "Happy Halloween. Have a nice trip!" This is probably why our neighbors don't talk to us much.

Happy Halloween! Have a nice trip!