Jami Shakes It Up

Generally, I steer away from the controversial, since I most write here just for fun. Also, while I never mind a good fight, I don't need to upset people for fun. But, man, do I have to mention this one. On the Today Show, which I still catch parts of in the morning, they were featuring an author who wrote about about nannies. I'm not going to put the title or author's name here, because it's not important. The first mother they were interviewing said, "Well, it's kind of scary when you think about it, I mean, you're hiring a complete stranger to come into your house and spend the entire day alone with your home and all your possessions . . . . and your child." Oh good, you remembered your kid. The point of the book, according to what I was hearing from the author, is that you have to keep in mind that when you pick a nanny, she will know more about child-rearing than you, and she'll end up knowing your child better than you and you shouldn't be upset if your toddler calls her mommy and prefers to spend time with her. Also, because your nanny will probably be from another culture, you should try to help her understand that just because you don't spend much time with your children, doesn't mean you're not parenting. Explain that you are doing your best. This is a paraphrase, but here's a good quote "Many nannies at first are shocked that we don't eat meals with our children, for example. Or that when we go away for a week and bring back trinkets from the airport, it might not be what they are used to, but we're doing our best." No. No, I don't accept that. Call me a right-wing, anti-feminist nutball if you want, but if this is true of you - if you never eat a meal with your child, if you leave them with strangers for weeks at a time and "make up for it" by bringing them crap from the airport stores, you are NOT doing your best as a mommy and if that is your best, you shouldn't have had kids to start with. I'm not talking about the women who find themselves in a position where they have no choice but to work and are barely making ends meet as it is. If you can afford a full-time nanny, you can damn well afford not to work or to work few enough hours that you can eat dinner with your kids. You should be heart-broken if your child is calling someone else mommy, especially if they are doing it because they barely recognize you. Especially if you're working because you don't want to give up your designer crap or because you "need to feel useful". Raising a child - that's the most useful, important thing you can do. Mommying is hard work, don't I know it! Budgeting is hard and a real buzz-kill. Talking to a toddler all day makes going to work sound like a shining Valhalla where no one is sticky and crying is rare. But I wouldn't trade being home with my son for something as common as money, to paraphrase Grandpa George in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Children aren't accessories, to be dressed up and shown off. If you and your spouse are missing more than 50% of your child's waking hours (because they don't care where you are when they're sleeping), then I urge you to ask yourself what that's teaching your children: money is more important than time with them. Your "need to be fulfilled" is more important than their need to be the center of your life. Let me appeal to your selfishness - think what you are missing! Being adored and cuddled. Seeing new discoveries and that look of amazement and joy when they figure something out or see something wondrous (to them). Irreplaceable childhood giggles. Hugs, kisses, silliness, bonding, and boundless love. Don't give it up. At work, you can be replaced, at home, you are the only Mommy your baby has. You can't be replaced, not really. And you know it.