Jami Takes Over the DMV

Okay, not really, but I have some ideas. Mostly, it's because there are too many people on the road and far too many of them are apparently unfit to drive, complete morons, or just jerks. We all have our bad driver moments, I know. We've all made an illegal turn, accidentally or on purpose - it happens. There is no one among us who can claim they never have been distracted while driving or drove when we were a little too tired, a little too mad or even just a smidge intoxicated. (I've done one and two, never three). But seriously, there are limits and I should be allowed to disable your car and take your license when I see one happening. Last week I saw a woman driving with a can of soda and a cigarette in one hand (which rested halfway out the window) while applying mascara and driving with the other hand. The Husband saw someone driving around the hairpin turn by our house while shaving. A former coworker informed me that she used to prop a book up on the steering wheel and read while on the highway, because highway driving is so boring. My house is not hard to find. Seriously, it's fairly easy. And yet, of the 7 or 8 times I've had FreeCycle items that someone is picking up, the person has either called me and said they drove around the area for an hour and couldn't find it, gave up and went home. Or they call me from their cell and say something like 'I know you said to take the immediate left on Poplar, but I must have missed it because I drove straight for 15 minutes and now I don't know where I am'. If it was an 'immediate' left, maybe you should have stopped after, I don't know, the first 10 streets you passed? I've messed up directions in my life, but usually I do something like retrace my route. Or, if I'm driving around for an HOUR in a fairly small locale, I look for someone who looks like they know the area and say "Is this Name-of-street? Do you know how I get there?" If you can't figure out how to get to my house, maybe it's not safe to be on the road. Just saying. A few weeks ago, I saw the slowest low-speed collision ever. Two elderly drivers pulling out of parking spots in Wal-Mart's parking lot backed into each other so slowly that even though I was standing next to them when they hit, I didn't hear a thing. That's right. I didn't even know they'd bumped into each other until both men got out of their cars and walked around to look at their bumpers (no damage of course, you probably could have put an egg between the cars and not broken it). This was the most avoidable accident ever, caused by two old guys who weren't looking, even though they were going less than 1 mph. A local news station reported that in PA there are nine licensed drivers over the age of 100. Yeah, read that again. Look, I am all for active seniors, I just don't want them running me over, even at low speeds. So, in the interest of not getting crushed by an idiot driving 3-tons of Escalade while downloading music to his phone and eating lunch, I say: I should be in charge.