Jami Vs. Nature

It's not that I don't like nature. I love trees and flowers and all that. Cute fuzzy things that live in the woods and don't attack me. I'm not afraid of spiders; when they're in our house, I catch them and let them go in the yard. I even like bats and am thrilled to report that at least two have moved into our area - yay bats! However, I don't like what I call uninvited nature. This includes any non-spider bugs in the house, weeds on the patio and most of all - ants. I hate ants. It's almost pathological and I'd have to guess that it started when ants got into our first apartment. I came home from work and at first, wondered why the kitchen table had turned black. Then I realized it was black - and moving. The entire table top! Apparently they had come in the window and really loved the orange scented cleaner I'd used. It was more than I could take. I freaked out, left the house and waited for the Husband to come home and deal with it. So now, I'm hyper-vigilant and the horrible things are allowed on my property. No second chances, no catch-and-release, just kill, kill, kill. The Husband refers to my reaction to ants as something like "the Death Bringer" and "Ant Armageddon". When I find them near our porch, I get my ant killer spray, and I spray every one of those little suckers I can find, knock down their house and spray the stuff down there, too. If it's a big house, I get the hose, flood it good, then spray the remains once it dries. I find their escape hole and douse that, too. Yes, I feel a brief moment of remorse when they're sort of writhing and dying, but once the movement stops, I'm over it. Now, here's where it gets weird. This year, we've had three separate groups of ants move in. So, the first one, they were all over the porch. That's beyond unacceptable. Out came the spray and soon there were little twisted corpses everywhere. I considered rinsing them off the porch with the hose, but it was supposed to rain that day, and I thought it might be good to leave the dead ones out in case there were survivors; like a warning, you know? A few days later, the rain hadn't washed them all away - there was still a fairly sizable pile off to one side. And a new colony moved in. Really, people, let's imagine this. You and I are out shopping for a new house. I say "Here's a lovely one with everything you wanted, and it's in move-in condition." You say, "Well, yes, but did you see the pile of horribly mutilated dead people at the end of the street?" Me: "Sure, but hey, that probably has nothing to do with us. Nothing to worry about, probably." Would you move in? Of course not. I understand that ants have brains slightly larger than a molecule, so they don't have a lot of reasoning power, but you'd think something like giant pile of dead ants would be one of those things that should set off some alarm bells, even for them. I got my killing stuff back out and did round two of Death From Above. Then, just yesterday, I see another new batch of stupid critters building a new house. I'd run out of killing stuff, so I went to the store and found one that claims to warn them off for 8 weeks. We'll see. They're dead now and I did rinse away the bodies, but I'm not convinced that a scent that's going to stick around is scarier than pile of dead things, but hey, what do I know. Tomorrow - Part II about my ongoing battle with something that doesn't even HAVE a brain. Sigh.