12 Steps to the Checkout Counter

Hi, my name is Jami, and I'm an addict. Yes, it's true. Many of you probably suspected, and here I am, publicly admitting my shame. I'm completely addicted to caffeine, but you know what? I don't plan to quit. I can't. I can't even contemplate it. Don't think it's a "real" addiction? Let me tell you - I have "emergency" cans of Diet Coke in the diaper bag, in my purse (usually), in the car and next to my bed. When I worked, I always had some squirreled away in the file cabinet. I drink a can of soda or a cup of tea before bed. I did go cold turkey, briefly, in 1999 (medical reasons) and it made me angry, exhausted, and sobby, with massive headaches to boot. I had weaned myself off it the summer before college, but let's be real, you can't get through college without caffeine, unless you're going to do more powerful stimulants. So here I am, an addict who just won't stop. You can imagine the dismay I felt on Tuesday when I made breakfast and discovered that we were out of diet soda. Even my emergency cans were empty (I drank the last one by the bed in the middle of the night). Now, of course, there's tea, but tea's harder to chug. I found iced tea mix in the pantry - it would do. Usually I've got a good stash; it's rare to run out. But the past several weeks, Coke products had not been on sale, and I'd been forced to switch to Pepsi. I even considered the generic, but the diet was for some unfathomable reason, caffeine free. What's the point of that?!?! At the store, I moseyed up and down the aisles, doing my normal shopping, but I couldn't wait to get to the pop aisle. And when I got there, the Cokes were on sale! I restrained my joy (okay, one small squeal escaped) and started loading up the cart, when what should I see? Diet Coke Plus. It's new, apparently, and it says "With Vitamins and Minerals". I check it out - it has the B vitamins. I love B vitamins - they're the caffeine of the vitamin world. I only bought one pack, because I feared it might be a trick - it could taste icky. I rushed to the checkout, so much so that I forgot ketchup, but that's okay. Beep, beep, beep, pay, run to the car. I crack the case before finishing loading the trunk - the Diet Coke Plus - it tastes like. . . . Diet Coke. O Happy Day!! I could hear the Hallelujah Chorus in my head while the caffeine AND their new friends, The B Vitamin Gang galloped through my system, strengthening me a la Popeye with the spinach. One could weep with joy. I didn't, but I did consider it. The moral of the story is, uh, I'm addicted and I don't care, but now I get all my B vitamins. Yeah, not much of a moral, I know, but God bless those nice people at Coke.