Tragically Hype

"A link between hair dye and lymphatic cancer? A new study suggests there might be! Stay tuned, we have that story coming up after this break." This is what I heard when I turned the TV on this morning; it was the Today Show and they love to put the fear of God into you so you don't change the channel. What could I do? I admit, I cover a few gray hairs - tons of my friends dye their hair various colors and what woman hasn't dyed her hair for no apparent reason? I nervously brush my teeth through commercials for various things (no hair dyes this break, though) and finally, finally we come back so they can tell me how I'm going to die because I've dyed. First, the big scary numbers - women who dye regularly (which, of course they don't define - once a year?) have a 17 percent increase. Do it once a month? 26 percent!!! Dyed your hair before 1980? (my mom wouldn't let me for kindergarten.) A whopping 37 percent increase in your risk!!! Pretty scary right? THEN the very end of the report, by which time most women who are regular hair-dyers have freaked out and are running around screaming, they mention that - and pay clooooose attention now - your risk of getting lymphatic cancer is less than ONE percent to begin with and even with the 37 percent increase, it doesn't get to 2 percent. That's right. This whole big terrifying report is to inform you that if you dyed your hair 12 times a year, starting in 1979, you move your chances of getting lymphatic cancer slightly closer to 1.5 percent. How is this even news? My eyes rolled so hard, I probably increased my risk of getting eyeball cancer. It'll be on the news tomorrow.