Improv MC Person, I Want to Like You

I really do. Believe me, I love to laugh, and I laugh ridiculously easily. It’s one of the things people like about me. Bill Engvall had to stop his show to check on me, because I laugh so hard and loud ("You okay, there, Princess? Was it the visual? That always gets me, too.") However, the last several times we’ve been to the Improv, the MC/opener for the opener has been unbelievably unfunny. Some of the openers, too. Not just not as good or polished as the headliner, that you expect. I’m talking seriously bad. Here’s a few examples of, uh, “jokes” that these would-be stand ups have tried out: I’m a mother (pause for non-existant laughter). I have six children (pause again). Thank you! maybe I’m dense but I missed the part where this is funny? The more beer you drink, the prettier I get. Honey, if it’s on T-shirts, hats, and bumper stickers, you didn’t write it and we’ve all heard it. It was funny the first time we heard it, in college, 15 years ago. Can you believe the construction/traffic on (road in Pittsburgh)? Traffic jokes are only funny if you can do something original with them. Saying the traffic is bad is not a joke, it’s a fact. Look, some people think I’m funny, but I’m never going to do stand up. I know that most of my humor is relational, you know me, or you know the people I’m telling stories about, that makes it funny. Stand up comedy isn’t telling every joke you know. The reason things are funny is that you don't see them coming. Observations are only funny if you do more than just observe them. Don't tell a joke you heard somewhere, read somewhere or were sent on the internet. So please, for both our sakes, and so that you don't have to stand there in the bright spot, sipping your beer and listening to the occasional pity-twitter you get from someone who feels bad, take a good look at your "set". Have a close personal friend who will tell you the truth listen and tell you the truth. And if they say "Hm, I don't know .. ." Then it's NOT funny. Don't try out your jokes for the first time on stage, not until you're, oh, let's say Lewis Black-famous.