Jami Speaks On Behalf of the Preggos

Part of my job as a doula is advocating for mommies-to-be. So, on behalf of every pregnant woman in the world, allow me offer the follow suggestions, by which I mean - learn these rules before we revolt and attack. 1. Stop telling pregnant women labor horror stories!!!! Long before I was all knocked up, this was still one of my pet peeves. "Oh, you're pregnant and happy about it? Let me tell you how horrible it's going to get . . ." Stop it right now!! I don't care if you died in childbirth and your dead grandpa and his 16 cousins told you to spread the word, don't you dare scare another woman in this condition. Just because it sucked for you doesn't mean it's going to be anything like that for anyone else, so keep your tales of terror to yourself. 2. Don't make fun, even gentle, loving teasing, of a pregnant woman's weight gain. The only exception to this rule is if you are saying something along the lines of "even pregnant, you're skinnier than me". I couldn't believe the number of women who have had a friend, relative or coworker call them "fatty", "tubby" or some sort of large animal. Even healthy, slender women get touchy about the pregnancy weight, and with the raging hormones, you don't want to risk causing one of us rhinos to charge. 3. Remember that the following things are none of your darn business.

• If the pregnancy was an "accident" - geez- why do you care, were you monitoring my sex life? Even if the woman is single, or has 5 kids already, or both don't assume she didn't mean to get into that situation.
• How much weight I've gained, see #2.
• How I'm going to deliver. I'm glad you loved your epidural, or went all-natural. It's great that you liked the tub or your doctor or whatever, and I don't mind your opinion, but if I'm doing it different, don't argue with me. I have plenty of strong opinions, but if you tell me that you're going to give birth in the middle of the highway on horseback, I'll wish you well.
• I can have an occasional small glass of wine. So if you see me sipping it, back off. You don't know if it's really wine, or if it's the one glass I'm having to celebrate my anniversary, or if my doctor told me to have a glass to calm braxton-hicks contractions so zip your lip and toast with me to the baby.

4. I know, so don't remind me. I mentioned this on Facebook, but if you missed it - pregnant women who will be pregnant over the summer are aware that they will be pregnant and that the weather will be hot. I am seriously shocked by the people who say something like "Did you realize you're going to be pregnant in the hottest part of the year?" No, really?? I mean, I knew I was due in September, but I had no idea that means I'll be pregnant from now until then! AND - people say things like "that was bad planning" as though the main reason to get pregnant is so that you'll be comfortable. Sigh. Also, I know I'm going to get bigger, have swollen ankle, and be tired. No need to let me know it's coming, believe me, all us preggos know that.

5. If you know me personally, then you may ask to touch my belly. AFTER I start showing. So, that means, - don't touch without asking, ever. Don't ask if I don't know your name. Don't ask when I'm 8 weeks along. Seriously, I had someone rub my belly at 12 weeks. At this point you're just squeezing my fat, and I don't need that.