Jami's Car is Smart Enough

I have an adorable little Cavalier named Calvin. He's a nice car, bings if I forget to take the keys along, runs great, hasn't come to life and killed me and my family, you know, all the standards. Calvin doesn't have automatic doors, windows, locks, alarms or pretty much anything except the transmission. He has a CD player and radio, no XM radio. But you know what he has? An actual metal body in the shape of a car. I've ragged on the Smart Cars before, suggesting on FB that they look like a Little Tykes Cozy Coupe on steroids (but, you know, not a lot of steroids.) or a pregnant rollerskate. I have suggested that they are more suited to circus rings (you know, for juggling) than roads. I will admit that they probably get fantastic gas mileage and let's face it, you can park that thing pretty much anywhere, including sideways in the driveway. But then this past week I saw one on the highway for the first time. I mean, it was the first time I'd personally seen one on the highway, not the first time for that particular Smart Car, as far as I know. I stared in fascination at the driver as we passed this moving bump, and was shocked that he seemed totally calm and appeared to be singing along to the radio. I could only think that had that been me, hurtling down the highway at 70mph in an overgrown toy, I'd been going "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (deep breath) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (repeat until arriving at destination or blown off road by draft from 18 wheeler). Because my car might be less earth-friendly, but if I am in an accident, I have some crumple-zone going for me. If you're in that thing and get hit at those speeds, you're going to be perma-wrapped in your new metal suit. It's practically the equivalent of being hit by a car wearing while you're wearing only aluminum foil. So maybe Calvin isn't a genius. Maybe he's the dumb-but-sweet jock from high school. He's not going to do my math homework, but if someone's picking on me, I want him on my side, not the co-captain of the chess team (which at one point, I was.)