Jami - a Feminist? Part 2 - Wife and Mommy-hood

Feminism's great triumph is allowing women to pursue the career/employment of their choice. Be a doctor, a lawyer, an Indian chief (probably you can't just apply for that last one . . .). I'm glad that women don't have to quit their jobs as soon as the ring is on the finger and that it's not legal to pay anyone less for the same work based on gender (or race, or what have you). However, this "You CAN have a job outside the home" attitude began the downward spiral into a pressure that you should have outside employment. That somehow a woman who chooses (and isn't it all about choice?) to spend her time and energy and education running a household and caring for her family is somehow less - and this, I believe, did a grave disservice to us all. I am a stay-at-home mom, something I aspired to be long before I had a college degree or spouse. It just made sense to me that nothing I could do in the workforce is as meaningful as raising my own children and being the kind of parent I had. I am a wife, and that isn't just a state of being. You don't go through the ceremony and then your effort is over. I said "I do," so that's that! Wife-ing is work, and I'll be the first to admit I haven't always been great at it and I still often fail at being the wife I know the Husband deserves. I absolutely could not be the wife and mother I want to be if I had a full-time job. There is nothing demeaning or sexist about it. My career of choice is making my home a place where my husband and children want to be and are happy, healthy and safe. I can't do that job if I'm at some office 8 hours a day pushing paper. Won't happen. When my infant was fussy and needed to be held all day Thursday, I was there to do it. When my toddler struggles with a new concept, or is scared or hurt, I am there. When my husband leaves a stressful day at work, he has a comforting place to return to. Because that is my job. I am a wife. I am a mother. My education is not wasted by my choice. First, I don't believe it's ever a waste to learn, to improve your mind, to open new roads of thought. Second, I use my education as part of my career and you can, too. My job entails accounting, teaching, counseling, chemistry, time-management, interpersonal skills, detective work, grammar, acting, directing and more. My ethics and philosophy classes will come in handy as I mold my sons. I don't disrespect the women who choose to work outside the home. I hope they find the way to integrate their work and their personal lives so that they aren't missing the brief and irreplaceable moments in their family's lives. I do think that you are more likely to have struggles in your marriage if you are both working full-time outside the house, because of the additional stresses and division of labor. I don't think that it "has to" be the woman who stays at home (although, I consider it "gets to") but we are built differently and our instinct as women is to nurture our families. It isn't giving up something to follow that instinct, it is instead a fulfillment of who we are. We get to work the entire rest of our lives if we choose, but for our children, we only have them in our homes for the blink of an eye. Our marriages will only be as healthy and strong as we make them. And that takes time and effort. When I worked a morning shift at a radio station, I spent a good deal of my time being either too tired to do much or napping. I hadn't given it much thought until after I left that station and my husband said something about having his wife back. He didn't marry a tired, cranky DJ - it wasn't fair to him to be living with one. Temping after that paid less, but allowed me to be the me he'd married - which is more valuable in the long run? Marriage isn't an institution designed to keep women down. Children aren't accoutrements which need to be stored while you go out to find something "worthwhile" to do. A woman who puts her family ahead of a career, or money, or power doesn't lower herself; she raises the standard. I aspire to be that kind of woman.