Jami on the Why of Parenting

My my, half a month since I've posted. So busy, it's true. Today my sister-in-law and I discussed the idea that so-called "stay-at-home" moms rarely get to. She suggested the term "in the car" moms, which sounds more reasonable. Or "Sometimes I get to stop by my house long enough to clean it" moms. I noticed awhile ago that many of us moms seem to spend time half-jokingly complaining about our kids/duties/lives. And I wonder if those who don't have children think we dislike being parents. I also know that lots of people hate it when someone says that being a parent is the hardest job there is, because let's face it - there are jobs that are physically more demanding (though I haven't had one that is), careers that require more formal education or a certain type of learning ability, occupations that are at least as emotionally challenging if not harder (pediatric oncologist, for one). I think, though, that the difficulty in parenting is that it's constant, it's rewards are less immediate and tangible and the idea that if you screw it up, you're messing up a person. There's not a manual or a "right" way to do just about every part of it. No one really can train you because even someone who as 10 kids never had your kid. So then, you're asking, why did you do it and more importantly, why did you do it again? If having kids is such a chore, heartache and stress, why does anyone have a second one? or more?? And I actually spent the last couple of days, when I had a few moments (in the shower, feeding Finn in the middle of the night) to try to answer that. The best answer I can give you is, I can't tell you. Not that I don't know, but that I can't describe it to you. Imagine that you had never seen a sunrise, not even a photo or drawing. Plenty of folks had described it you, sounds nice enough, but you don't like to get up early, and your house doesn't have a good east-facing window, so you'd have to actually get up, get out of bed, get dressed, go outside, find a good place to watch it - seems like too much work. Then one day, I convince you to give it a go. We get up early, even though we're still beat. We get dressed and drive to this place where there is supposed to be a really spectacular sunrise. Now you've inconvenienced yourself, spent time, energy, money and all this and you're wishing you had just slept in, when we come around the bend and BAM! There it is: the world's most beautiful sunrise, ever. While we watch it, you're not thinking that your bed would be warmer and comfier, or that gas prices are high enough without driving all over for no good reason. You're not thinking that you could have just looked at some pretty painting and it would have been close enough. You are totally in the beauty of that perfect moment as the sun colors the sky in all its brilliance and a new day has started. That's parenting. It's tiring and frustrating and expensive and unending. But even in the moments when you're considering FedExing your children to Zimbabwe, you have in your heart the indescribable joy of knowing, loving and just plain old having your children. And that's why we do it.