Jami Howls at the Concrete Moon

I have, throughout this pregnancy, complained a bit. Some jokingingly, some less so. Because really, isn't pregnancy a time when you should get to be a diva? I am growing new life and therefore it should be all about me. To some extent, when I'm complaining in the not-so-funny way, I have a twinge of guilt. Yes, I know that there are people who would be thrilled to have the problems I'm having because that would mean they are about to be parents. Yes, the problems I've had so far have been non-life-threatening for both me and little Gurgle here. But you know what, I'm still going to complain because frankly, I'm having a tough time and I want to. If you haven't been with me through the whole thing, here's my brief recap - because I had miscarried some time ago, I was on pins and needles until my first ultrasound. Oh wait - first I had the doctor who didn't want to see me right away, who then told me that I couldn't have an u/s until 12 weeks, even though I was "high risk" (meaning I'll be 35 before my due date) and have already had a miscarriage. So then I switch to the midwives, get what I think is a date for an u/s to see the heartbeat, and spend two weeks holding my breath - only to find out that they won't be doing it that day, just had an appointment to meet the midwives so they could order an u/s for me. AHHH! Then they wanted me to wait another week, which caused my first major freakout, and they got me scheduled for a few days later. Then, I got the u/s and saw the heartbeat, yay, but also got the results of my bloodwork that the pregnancy was aggravating my thyroid which meant - more tests, medication and regular blood draws. Still, I took this in stride. That's when the extreme fatigue, nasal congestion, breast pain and aversions hit me. All *normal* pregnancy symptoms but overall made me less than pleasant, I'll admit. The fatigue never faded, the congestions just grows worse, the aversions didn't go all the way away, but at least my breast pain subsided, just in time for some "round ligament pain". Another normal, but majorly uncomfortable symptom. you know when an athlete tears a ligament and is out of the game for awhile? Just have one stretch in a very inconvenient place and where you can't really "rest" it. Sigh. Oh, and about that same time, my skin went CRAZY - I have so much oil on my face I'm afraid to get close to candles. I look like the teenage boy in the Simpsons. I wash my face twice a day, use the oxy I haven't bought since high school and blot with those little papers constantly, not that it helps. AND I started growing a HAIR on my NECK - eeeeewwwww!!!! Then we add the constant peeing - only about every, I don't know, 19 minutes it seems like. Okay, it's not quite that bad, but I rarely get more than 2 hours sleep in a row because I wake up feeling like I'm about to burst. Add to this the fact that the baby's favorite activity is KICKING my bladder. Next time you really, really have to pee, have someone poke you repeatedly in the bladder. That's what it's like. Not hard, just not nice. Of course, most recently was the gestational diabetes. I'm not even going to start on that particular hell, except to note that my fingers are all slightly blue and I can't wait to eat like a normal person again. Then when the humidity and heat finally kicked in, my ankles and feet decided to swell. It looks gross and the skin on my feet starts to feel nice and tight, like when you have a sunburn. Last week, I noticed a little piece of skin growing sort of randomly on my leg. I asked the midwife, who checked it out - it's a "skin tag" which is basically harmless, but gross looking and again "a perfectly normal symptom of pregnancy". You know what? I've had more than enough perfectly normal symptoms of this pregnancy. Today I had an ultrasound where the baby measured a little big. Of course, those things are not 100% and IMO, means very little. So the doctor that I have to see because of my other stupid complications wants to do an amniocentesis and induce pretty soon - which pretty much goes against every thing I want for this birth. It's the last straw, I feel like. I'm screaming inside. It's not fair - I did everything right. I ate right, I exercised. I read all the books, I did my freaking Kegels!!!! I lost weight and got into better eating habits before I was pregnant. I stayed off caffeine through the WHOLE FIRST TRIMESTER. And I can't even go one stinking week without developing some new just-south-of-horrible problem! All I wanted was a healthy baby boy. It doesn't seem like that should be that much to ask. I didn't expect a perfect fun pregnancy, but I wish I could feel like I enjoyed it for a solid week, you know? That I could look back on this time like "wasn't it neat? Wasn't it fun and exciting?" Maybe I still will, but here, mired here in the middle, I just can't and that makes me saddest of all.