Excuse Me, Butt . ..

Okay, I'm going to have to warn you that this post will contain liberal usage of the word "butt" and possibly others which refer to that general area. Why is it wrong to scratch our butts in public? This thought occurred to me because I have dry skin. My skin, perverse organ that it is, dries out to itchy-flakiness at the mere suggestion of anything remotely skin-drying, such as swimming pool water, air-conditioned air, a glimpse of the sun, whatever. Meanwhile, my face skin is producing enough oil to make me a future focus of research for the renewable-energy-source set. The end result is I am itchy all over most of the time and have a nice shiny nose. Sunday, I went swimming. As predicted, the chlorine dried my skin. Monday, I was itching like crazy, though lucky for me, it was a work-from-home day, so I could scratch like a fiend all day while flakes of me fell off. Then I thought: so what if I scratched my butt? I guarantee you, it's clean. I wash it in the shower and then it wears pants all day. It doesn't even touch half as much stuff as my hands do, but I can scratch one hand with the other in front of you and you'd never think twice about it. My butt (and yours) are basically just nice big fleshy parts on the back. I'm going to take some liberty here and assume you wash yours and normally cover it with something for most of the day. So why can I scratch my knee, my shoulder, my side, even ask YOU to scratch my back, but scratching the old behind is deplorable? I just don't know. There are plenty of non-gross reasons a butt could itch, like dry skin, rough undies, a mosquito bite - what's the problem? Is it because of the proximity to the, uh, body's sewer? Certainly digging around in one's crotch-region is yucky, considering that all sorts of bacteria and sweat are going on down there, besides your other basic reasons. Does your butt even sweat? Now, I'll continue to follow the social more of not satisfying that itch when other folks are around, though believe me, I know that you scratch and even the Queen of England takes care of that when her servants aren't around. BTW - whose job is it to scratch the royal heiny?